I'm angry
maybe furious
painfully jealous
because I can clearly see


I have been left out

time and time again


I see you all
I hear your stories
you all have fun
enjoy each other's company
drinking, dancing

but me?
I'm at home
doing nothing
pretending I didn't want to join
because I'm good
I wouldn't want to indulge a bit
I wouldn't want to be invited
of course not

what's wrong with me?
what is it that makes you all assume
that I don't want in on the fun?

I'M LONELY

Even just some company would be nice
but it would seem
I'm unwanted
I'm undesirable
I'm a buzzkill

I'm useful,
but c'mon

you know you don't want me around
will you all just say it?
because clearly something about me
sends off some sort of signal
that I ought to be left out
forgotten

do you even realize how often i'm forgotten???

P   E             R     S     I      S       T         E       N         T
C       O        N        S       I    S      T   E   N         T

and you know what?
I'm jealous
I'm angry
I'm upset
because EVERYONE forgets me
I'm just not memorable
I'm not fun to be around

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT
IF YOU WERE PARALYZED BY ANXIETY
IF YOU WERE CONSTANTLY DEPRESSED
IF YOU WANTED TO TEAR YOURSELF APART
IF YOU HAD PEOPLE PLAY WITH YOUR MIND
IF YOU FELT ANY MISTAKE DEMOLISHED YOUR WORTH
IF YOU WONDERED IF YOU OUGHT TO JUST DIE

you wouldn't be much fun either


but at least someone might care about you

I just want to be normal
Not perfect
Not intelligent
Not overweight
Not ugly
I don’t want to suffer
Or to have suffered
From anxiety
From depression
From an eating disorder
From OCD
I don’t want to fight
To make myself eat
To make myself stop eating
To not hurt myself
To want to be alive
I don’t want
To take my pills
To question my emotions
To doubt my mind

I WANT THE LABELS GONE

I DON’T WANT TO BE WHAT YOU WANT

I JUST WANT TO BE HUMAN

I JUST WANT TO HAVE SOME ******* FUN

I JUST WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS

I NEED SUPPORT

I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL

Can’t feel
Haha xD
There’s nothing there
No nagging pain
No sorrow
No buzzing anxiety

nothing.

I feel free

Burdens have disappeared
Evaporated
The tears ceased

They’ll be back
But I literally don’t care

Ah...
What bliss!
To not feel a single ******* thing
Forget pleasure
How unnecessary a thing

What bliss...
I just needed to let go
I don’t want it back
Don’t wanna go back
Can’t sleep
It’ll only end it
Break the spell
I don’t want to be in reality
I like this better
Pleasant apathy
In this time
I get to be free