I just wanted to be free
I don’t want to be tied to a pill every day
Several pills that is...
I want to know my feelings are my own
I want to react naturally to life
I want to drink without interactions
I want to feel desire
I want to feel lust
I want to feel human
I don’t want to be sick
I don’t want to have an eating disorder
I don’t want to have OCD
I don’t want to have depression
I don’t want to have anxiety
I don’t want to have panic
I don’t want to have mania
I don’t want to have bipolar disorder
Or whatever the **** they think is wrong with me this week
Honestly at this point
I just kinda want to throw out the pills
Have a bottle or two of wine
And see what happens

It's a fascinating experience indeed
To know you're unbalanced
To know there's something wrong
To be really very confident
and to have red flags waving
But people are easily fooled
So you enjoy your high
Knowing you should listen to your therapist
Knowing she's absolutely right to worry
Knowing you'll disregard every one of her warnings
Knowing you'll lie over and over again
Because you want to be free
From the ******* of the pills
You just have to know
If they're what's ****** you up

I want you out of my mind
I finally am free of you in my life
But you reappear like a ghost haunting my thoughts
A fleeting thought during the day
A moment I would’ve wanted to share with you
A lonely night I touch myself and hate that I think of you
I hate that I miss you
I hate that I loved you
Or whatever I thought was love
You were so wrong for me
You were so damaging to me
But my heart remembers you
And I know I swore I’d never forget you
But all I want now is to forget

This is what ***** me over
Every **** time
I get something wrong in my system
Throws everything off balance
And I just want it to be worse
I know how to fix it
But I don't want to
I want to spiral
It sounds fun

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I'm gonna get myself into trouble one of these days
I thought I wanted drinks
Maybe I want pills
I've always been drawn to anything that'll make my head foggy
Pull thick clouds into my mind
Slow my racing heart
Numb my body

I don't always get that
I have my various ways
I could easily ruin my life with drugs
It's enticing
Something better than having to live
Not without its own pains
But at least sometimes they'd go away

And it's then that I find myself
Wrapped in a foggy bliss
Nearly unable to move
Can't think
Barely breathing
And that's how I like it
I almost thought I'd die
The thought didn't seem to bother me
Not with my system flooded
With whatever it is I've decided to take
No... there's a kind of peace in deciding
You have nothing left to lose

I do enjoy a good sedative
Something to calm the nerves
A drink, a pill, the other pill
Whatever
Anything for a trance state
Unnaturally relaxed
Mm a little buzz... an escape...
Something to get me out of my mind for a bit

God wine drunk is ******* ideal