It was raining today
Everything's dark and grey
I'm pushed to the ground
As I make it to school
It was barely first period

" hey, need help? "

My friend is there
He's my sunshine
The only person I've ever had
He gives me his soft hand
And I'm up on my feet again

" you got a black eye "
He said and touched it gently
Making my cheeks rosy pink
And my face wince in pain

We're in the back of the school
He's putting cream on my eye
It's crying tears of sorrow
As he wipes them away gently

" it's ok. It'll be ok. "

He whispers in the rain
We're under the umbrella
No one can see us
Maybe God can

" I love you. "

He whispers again
As a smile forms on my lips
Which he kisses
As the rain pours down
No one knew
It was just us
No one could see us

He slowly pulled away
From the gentle kiss in the rain
As I whisper back his words

" I love you too. "

It rained 14 days ago

It was spitting
As my brother would say
School is starting
And I already have a ****** nose

It rained 13 days ago
And I was unlucky
My father left home last night
And never returned again

It rained 12 days ago
It got a little worse
My mother's crying on the sofa
A glass of red liquid on the table

It rained 11 days ago
I'm being ambushed everyday
I'm covered in cuts every day
And I'm beaten black and blue

It rained 10 days ago
It was practally a storm
I could barely walk home
While teachers barely glanced

It rained 9 days ago
It wasn't so bad I guess
A boy went and said hi to me
I barely knew his name

It rained 8 days ago
I now know his name
I keep repeating it in whispers
Into the drizzling night

It rained 7 days ago
He stuck up for me
Why would he?
I'm a boy, a misfit here.

It rained 6 days ago
It was a huge downfall
I cried on this boy's shoulder
And he simply held me

It rained 5 days ago
My mother looks better
The boy came around
And he put a smile on my face

It rained 4 days ago
It got worse again
I'm scared and paranoid
I've got blood on my arms

It rained 3 days ago
He keeps making me crimson red
My cheeks flush when I see him
And I can't help but stare

It rained 2 days ago
I don't believe it
I made it out my closet
And out into the light

It rained yesterday
I can't hide it anymore
He knows and I don't know
What he is thinking now

It rained today
It was another drizzle
As we walked in the park

He kissed me.
A boy kissed another boy!
I kissed him.

We didn't care
About any looks or stares
But the rain hid my tears

He noticed them anyway
Wiped them away
And whispered
" I love you. "
As he kissed me again

The sun shone afterwards
Lightening up our faces
We walked hand in hand
Without another secret or word

Everyone's talking in codes
In gabbled voices
In loud voices

What are they saying
When they say
A thing everyone laughs at
What do they call it?
A joke?
But...
I don't get it

Why do they waste words
On something they call banter
Code for hating, bullying
Rambling maybe
But it hurts none the less

I'm looking around
I can't understand a word
My ears are blocked
By my shaking hands

The jangling of a bracelet
The sound of music

What are these codes?
How do I speak like that?
How do I act like that?
The voices only give me
Questions and no answers

That was then
This is now
This is what is happening

You tried to hang yourself
With the rope from the attic
You left it behind
You're ever so brave
You went to school with a smile
And beat those bullies
With a help from bravery

You nearly shot yourself
With the gun from a cuboard
You and your brother have grown
You ratted on your father
But you were strong
You slayed him
With your hidden strength

You tried to stab yourself
With a stolen knife
You nearly took your life
You and your sister
You're both happy as can be
You shielded your sister
From your mother's hateful words
With a hint of kindness

You nearly jumped
Off of the bridge over the river
But you moved on
You carried on
With your family
With the help of happiness

You were almost hit
By an oncoming train
But you got through it
You left them
And came to your friends
With a feeling of justice

You are still young
But you're growing up
I have happy tears as I see
You saying thank you
When I simply said
What would happen next

What will happen after?
No clue
Don't worry though
You'll be fine!
Be yourself
Love yourself
You'll make it through life
No doubt

I am shocked, shocked I tell you
Stunned is what I am!
I can't complete a sentence
Without a stutter or a stumble

My hand is shaking
There's tears in my eyes
I can't stop thinking in my mind

So many words are cluttered
In my brain
In my heart and soul

I want to let those words out
Cry them, scream them
But I can't
I can't without the hate
I can't do without the opposition
I can't without the homophobia
And the words I cannot repeat
To the ears of the youth

The result of that is sadness
Sadness for me
For my spirit and my sanity
They think I'm crazy
Nutty, mad, bananas
But I'm not alone

I'm sure others are mad
Maybe madder than me
Probably sipping tea
Coffee, water or milk
Maybe eating what I eat
Maybe saying what I say

I'm only able to express them
Explain them all here
No one hates
No one fights
No one laughs
No one taunts

We cry the same tears
We speak with the same voice
We have different opinions
And express them differently
But we have similar thoughts....

Oh!
There goes my wondering mind
Shocked again by what I thought
Stunned, yes that's what I am

Three pyramids
Three stars in the sky
Is that not strange?

What mysteries are
Hidden in the sands
By the ancient ones?

Who helped them up?
How did they go so high?
In the night time sky?

Did the River Nile
Guide them here safe and sound?
How did they float up?

So many questions
But the right time comes
They are unanswered

You can't take it
You can't live with it
The pain is too much
The kids at school
They keep hurting you
Or maybe it was your father
Maybe your mother
Maybe they're both dead
Like how you will be soon
Maybe you're in love with abusers
Maybe you are simply sad
But either way
You can't take it anymore

You take a rope from the attic
You grab a gun from the cuboard
You steal a knife from the kitchen
You're at the bridge over the river
You're on a railway with a train
Wherever you are
Whatever you have
It doesn't matter now

You take a rope from the attic
The kids at school
They taunt you and laugh
They say they wish you were dead
Well their wish is coming true
You're suffocating
You're silent
You're gone

You grab a gun from the cuboard
Safety is off
You're in your room
You whisper a goodbye
To the father who hurt you
To the brother who loves you
BANG
The shot can be heard for miles
You're gone

You steal a knife from the kitchen
Your mother's prying eyes
Who breaks your heart
With hateful words
You're in your bathroom
You hold the knife to your wrist
Your lifeline is bleeding out
The blood is on the white floor
You're gone

You're on a bridge
There's a cold and fast flowing
River of tears and sorrow
Your mother is gone
Your father is gone
Time for you to go
You leave your other family
Who are grieving with you
You jump
You fall
You're gone

You're at a railway with a train
Ready to hit you with pain
It wouldn't be the driver's fault
It was the abuser
You thought loved you
But you were wrong
You are hit by the train
It stops with your broken heart
You're gone

Where is the rope burn?
It burns your parents
They weep and wail
They lost their child
They're sunk into a sea of sadness
They read the note
They beg dear god above
" why were we not enough? "

Who did you shoot?
Your brother's chest
He's staring silently
At his sibling's dead body
As he stutters and sobs
He wonders
" why was I not enough? "

Who was stabbed?
Why your sister
She doesn't know who to talk to
She doesn't know who can help
As she screams for the neighbors
As your heartbeat stops
" why was I not enough? "

Who drowned?
The family you left behind
Your uncle is silent
Your aunt is shocked
Your cousins, your grandparents
They cant believe it
" why were we not enough? "

Where is the wound?
It bleeds in your friends' hearts
No matter how many you have
Or rather had
They can't stop crying
They can't stop thinking
" why were we not enough? "

Your name is in the papers
You're on the front covers
The world is full of tears
The news reporter is upset
There's a book with your name
There's ****** roses on your grave
Marked with your name

You stop
You think
You put away the rope
You put the gun back
You replace the knife
You walk away from the bridge
You run off the railway
You hide your tears in the rain
But you think
Think, think.
Maybe you can live one more day
Or two days, three days,
Four days, five days, six days
A week or two
A month or more
A year or so
Maybe forever