I’m tired, the kind of tired that makes you want to curl up and
forget the day.
My blankets, soft, warm, green,
will heat me up and soothe away my fears.
I’m tired of watching you beyond the glass,
it’s frosted with distance, indecision, and
loneliness.
I see your figure though the pane and want to call out,
bring you in, give you cocoa, and fall into a pile of ease, and
natural love.
Fall back in love with me.
Leave the cold and come back into my arms, I’ll keep you
from the world,
and we’ll hide away,
warmed by wood and fire.
You'll stay by my side,
my love, my life, my happiness,
solidified.

Take away my pain, peel back the layers
of aged, crumbling paint.
I’m not in the wrong here, but my heart cries
tears and shreds itself up,
a bomb I never thought active.
Take away my pain,
your love was my warmth, my haven of light,
but now the shadows creep in
and the rocks pull me down.
Take away my pain, that of my naïve heart,
the one that loved you unflinchingly
and is taught to love you still.
Take away my pain,
you made the choice, wavered in love,
take my pain and give it
to the ***** in your bed.

tension lies beneath this smile,
a nervous energy fueled by too little sleep and anticipation of the future.
music helps… sometimes. writing is barely an escape.
these legs long to run, arms long to strike.
left hook, right uppercut, elbow to the face.
enemies only i can see.
a scream is withheld, scorching my throat with its intensity.
my lips are bruised, but not from your mouth.
troubled by my own fears, anxiety.
i itch to move, as if that will shake my troubles,
i could sprint for the exit, but they’d lash out,
coiling around my ankle, yanking me down

There should be a word,
for when you read poetry,
or when you write it,
and the feeling that follows,
or leads.
Sadness tinged with longing,
shot through with love,
trailing fatigue, and
overhung with a rawness of true
emotion,
I want a word for that.

I said I love you,
you, I love you more.
But what you don’t get is that there’s
nothing more
than loving the one that you adore,
even as they tease their skin with the
sharp points of a blade.
I will always love you more,
more than reason, more than is safe.
You’ve captured my heart, soul, mind
and I could never walk out that door,
no matter how many
tracks cross your skin,
no matter how many broken promises
of newfound strength float into the air.
I love you more.

My heart feels blocked, my fingers unable to unlock its doors.
Perhaps time moves too fast
for it to be processed.
Or maybe this icy chill has crept in
through my thick curtains and made its home
in my chest.
My heart, my mind are numb.
Where are you emotions? Where are you poems?
The words don’t pour out anymore,
I’ve seemed to have lost my voice
or maybe I’ve gotten used to being silenced.

I remember his voice, pitched-low,
a smooth glass of Scotch, but hard to swallow this time.
Tension unfurled in my stomach, foreboding locked my legs.
My hands quivered, I shoved them away,
eyes down, my firm voice, met with anger,
outraged at this personal slight.
We walked by, granting space for his rage,
his ego too big to share the street, to let us walk by unbothered.
Rejection hung in the air, weighed down by our fear.
The sounds of his steps, his speech coming faster more aggressive,
mimicking his steps.
My head spun, the air came too quick, panic pounded at the door
to my head, pressing its way in.
Our feet began to slap the ground, **** these sandals,
a call to him, an encouragement, us defenseless in the emptied street.
The elevator felt unsafe, plain and empty walls.
My window was securely fastened despite the heat,
door double bolted, shaking on the bed,
free from adrenaline and moved by fear.
The room was too empty, too vulnerable,
comfort only from my feeble connection to my home.
Sweaty, tired hands of mine clutched it to me,
falling asleep with the safety of his voice,
swirling around me, shoving off the unwanted
traces of chilling words and tear-stained makeup.