I can't take this anymore
stress is consuming me
I'm now on the floor
crying uncontrollably
because of all of you.
I no longer have room
for anyone who isn't
willing to try
Willing to try to stay
by my side
if you don't want me
in your life
then get the **** out of mine
Because I'm done.

I can't stop moving
I'm restless but weak
I can't stop

I can't feel my legs
Or my fingers
I can't breathe

I can't see straight
My head is whirling
My stomach is empty

But I can't eat
I can't move
And I cant stop moving

I'm screaming
But also I can't speak
I'm gasping

Because again; I can't breathe
And I can't think
And I can't function
And I can't be good

And also I can't
Live
This way
I can't

Live

They don't believe me.
They don't trust me.
They don't listen.
They think that it's all in my head...
and even if it is,
they're not feeling what I feel.
They don't know,
so how could they possibly help.

Im screaming so silently,
My soul is combusting
and I can see my pale skin coat
slowly perishing in the reflection of other people's irises.
And I've built a personal hospital,
Brick by brick of everything that has made me
Shake.
I sit on my hands to avoid my critics.
I can't remain still so I take cover
drowning in older men's neutral sheets
As if it would make it pure,
But I'm in love with heartache,
For I wouldn't feel anything otherwise.
I'm incapable of being content.
See options in my town are so,
so,
Small
And I have entire world inside of me.
I'm global ******* and
They're buying their
Parents houses.
But I parent my parents therefore becoming my own
Home.
My father has no say as he's never said anything,
At all.
My mother is an adolescent who has become a world class actor.
And she's running too.
Except my siblings and I are her small town,
And one day I'll release her,
So she won't have to say anything either,
and I won't have to act anymore.
I'm escaping myself, my roof has collapsed.
I'm terminal on my own will.

In this moment,
I am held by the simplest of forces.
One that takes control of my senses,
reaching from sight to touch.
Every cell is taught,
like a string pulled too tight.
Each breath is sharp,
like i'm being strangled by my own tongue.
Lack of oxygen impairs my thoughts,
as if i'm drunk without drinking.
It feels as though i'm locked in an arm-bar,
but I cannot summit so I black out.  
Consumed by the negative,
forever reaching for the positive.
Words and actions are constantly intertwined
with worry
I tell myself to breath,
but the grip it has on my throat is tight.
Squeezing down on my breath,
my mind,
my body,
my senses,
until the blackness is all that's left.
I have been here for an eternity,
yet why hasn't anything changed.
I search aimlessly for a exit,
grasping at nothing but air.
My lungs are lifeless and
i feel like there is no hope.
In that moment,
I blink back to reality.
Mere seconds have passed,
the world is still whole and spinning.
Nothing has changed,
everything is where i had left it.
Broken and yet whole once more,
i pick myself up and try to carry on.
I can now check this off my to do list,
and prepare for tomorrows moment.

© Holly Owen 2016

Whilst others are dreamers
And optimists
I canst lie
I'm a realist
And fatalist,

I guess that's another reason
I respect and love and canst
Relate to the prophets so much

They weren't optimists!!
The were fatalistic...