a change to the smell of chlorine in our hair
and sticky watermelon juice on my thighs
that you wipe away with your thumbs
ill grin into your flushed cheeks
and **** on your strawberry seed lined tongue
and when we sit in your car and try to rub away the goosebumps on our arms
the towels underneath us damp and the ac ******* the air from our lungs
ill be able to sing along to the wibbly wobbly ballad on the radio
and feel peace

your tricks were your eyes of magic, hidden in sleeves of gold
a cynical set that took hold when we needed each other most
the effect of want is the pole you hang your noose on
it fails because you can never get what you want
your blindness drowns you in bruises along your neck
the pain of staying alive and barely living is haunting
so you find need in the deepest parts of yourself
and feed the underlying craving of obsession
i mean nothing to your life because you never loved me
but from the moment we met your fate was my oasis

swollen lips colored like raspberries around the edges
tongues that taste of honey and the lemon balm in our teas
the scent of coconut in my hair, peaches in yours, grass on us both
intricate lace beneath your shirt and soft, smooth curves
gasps and breathy laughs fading as i move down to your hips

eyes closed, head tipped in favor of the sky
a smile on his face to parallel icarus,
the angel that was not meant to be

an angel gave me his eyes and it ruined me
baby blue, with a sugary smile
attentive and excited
made me miss his hands
but he was no more an angel than you
his skin stretched thin over anger and assumption
so why were his eyes so sweet?

once, you were the stars that would float through my veins and form constellations
my head was filled and i was drowning in the sickly sweet words that spilled from your mouth
i would hold on to every breath, the cotton candy clouds that filled my lungs when i looked at you
but the sun rises and the stars disappear
you stopped your words and instead i choked on the empty air
because the clouds cleared and all that was left was the sensation of being ripped from my body
and looking back to see a broken glass bottle that spilled black ink

some of the softest glows:
fairy lights
the moon at exactly 11:32pm
radio lights on the car dashboard in the dark
skin after a facemask
the lettering on the goodnight texts you send back
you, when you laugh

sprawled on the bed, laughing into the dark
with every beat, my heart lifts me off the sheets
the back of my skull is rotting from where you touched it
teeth still knocked out of place from where they melted with yours

lonely and sad
past the softer skys and milky drinks and you
grab for wavelengths of happiness playing through the radio
and youre struck with disappointment and humility and shame, somehow
and jealousy and anger and a longing because yes, a good time
is a good time and wouldn’t you rather feel helpless and beside yourself?
today

you have my heart, and i
i have the memory of your summer-sweet smile
cooling on my lips

(do you still miss me?)
my heart hurts and i want to be there for you
melt your troubles with my arms around your waist
i don't think you'd want me to try
(more than i should)

your name has power
and you know it, but you dont realize its yours
correct them without thought or humiliation
dont let them modify it to fit their tongue
it hurts but it will feel so much better