I grew up overnight.
After eons of your name haunting me,
I heard my heart beat—for myself.

It felt like lightning.
My entire body stood still—
but I heard it.

Years of chasing silence
died down
like the mulberry tree
my dad planted.

I grew up overnight.
Conversations with you in my head
disappeared for an hour.
It was symphony.

To someone walking by,
it looked like a girl weeping
at the foothills of God.
To me,
I grew up.

i feel time ticking
click click click
like a clock
watching the seconds pass
then minutes
hours
days
months
years
lost
weight settling on my chest
heavier and heavier
so heavy it’s getting harder to breathe
i inhale
and exhale
time is running out
and i want to welcome it
instead of fighting

I've got monsters in my head
They say they want my life to end
I fight back, I call them enemies
But sometimes they're my allies
We share the same thoughts
Hold the same point of view
I should really call them friend

They remind me of my mistakes
They say it's the biggest part of me
I fight them on the outside
But inwardly I admit
I wholeheartedly agree

My monster friends are so kind
they offer a solution to my problem
They suggest I end it all
They give me means to do so
And assure me it's for the best
They tell me repeatedly no-one else will mind

I am the same man
in a different bedroom
where the walls are painted a different color
and the furniture is different
and the items are different
and the style is different
and the mirrors are different
yet, I stand before them
and I look the same
and the bed is different, feels different
and the woman is different
and the *** is different,
and I stretch out on the bed
hands behind my head
elbows pointed outward
looking up at a different ceiling
where sometimes
there’s a ceiling fan
staring down at me
and I think about all my little women;
some were so sweet when others were so bitter
yet each one had changed my life in many different ways
either through experience or by mistake
but, like the ***, it’s all the same in the end:
finished.

I like to write in the graveyard, I know people there
It’s nice and quiet, city sounds fill the air
A peaceful feeling comes over my mind
All of the memories my heart can find
I don’t see any ghost walking, I only hear voices
Some trying to say make better choices

I like writing in front of my grandfather’s stone
He makes me feel like I’m not alone
I look up, I see more stones of granite
All those names and dates, with no faces
Their memories are there, just in different places
When I finish and it’s time to leave
I’ll dry my eyes, stand quietly and grieve