i got a paper cut
and i picked at it
until its corpse
become a permanent headstone
on my skin.

you hurt me,
and i picked at it
until it began to scar,
until it began to
tighten the skin.

i will never be able to escape the ache of you.
never be able to revive myself.
or be able to relieve the pain of the skin pulling.

but i will always try to heal it,
even if it is no use.

before I die,
i wish to take a breath again

No matter what I do
The loneliness comes in
She peeks through the window
And lifts up my chin.

No matter what I do
The loneliness is there
She looks at me sadly
And doesn’t seem to care

No matter what I do
The loneliness gets more
She wraps her arms around me
While I lay motionless on the floor

“Are you okay?”,
my wife asks
when I cough.

“No. I’m fine.
Yes. I’m not”,
I respond,

stumping her
in the poetic irony
of words that

encompass the
yes and no
and the in between.

She flips the finger
at me and I return
the bird to the nest.

We go back to our life
and our tablets,
the drip, drip of my chemo
and I wonder about okay.

“No.  You’re fine.
Yes. You’re not.”,
the bag stares in response.

i don’t want to leave
the ones that stayed
will they also leave me to decay?
the pain is the dead animal on the highway
my guts hang out from my stomach
and i can’t seem to push them back in
i was a fawn
you ran me over without a second thought
crushing me
they are alive but i am a ghost to them
remember when we used laugh in the woods?
i wish i knew when
why why why?
parts of me have died in the process
have you seen me?
do you wonder?
do you think about me?
i can’t stop playing everything
over and over and over again
i live in a constant state of emotional agony
my brain is deteriorating my body
my heart is glasses
years of neglect have left them cracking, crumbling
i feel my soul spiraling into the void
down down down
it never ends and i am scared of the dark
please please please
make it stop.

i don’t want to die
but i don’t know
if i can pretend anymore

i feel like a wilted flower
you see the way my head is too heavy
for my small thin frame
it is a burden
for they expect me to shine
to open up my flowers
and be beautiful for them
but they commit stomach me
when i start to decay
for their lack of care