is it bad i don't
remember your name
is it sad that i never felt the same
about you

oh you know it's true

please don't
act like you know me
you don't own me
you're just lonely

somewhere
out there
is where
i'll be
it's where
i'm free
to be me

somewhere
out there
is where you'll see
this is not a dream
is that what you need?

i'm not
going to tell you sorry
when nothing compares

and i don't care

we were at the beach

i had dreams
about my
teeth

they were

on the floor,
and on the sand
with a trail
of blood

and open
hands

i wanted to go
back and tell
you how much
it all meant to me

each tooth
and memory

fell from my mouth


it's going to be hard
now that you're not around

i just want to drink some tea
and go to sleep
i'm tired of
another week of
defeat

i don't even like tea

growing up seems
stupid
i feel dumb and
useless
full of ****
and excuses
life's weird
and i'm so
foolish

leave me out
to dry
i just don't feel
like trying
love me
like another lie
so you can leave me for
some other storyline


i don't even like you

be more narrow:

smaller, tighter
"little-er"
more sinister.
be less abrasive,
more persuasive
quiet and

reserved for
vacancy of the
"less than".

the less than
the rest
that posses
a small amount
of acceptance

these vancant spaces
are open
just for you

somewhere out there -
i found myself

swimming with sin
with the flowerbeds
with all my friends -
with no one

somewhere out there -
i found myself

between the lines
you speak,
there is little sympathy
and i just
tell myself
i will not let
this life define
me

thanks for being
the inspiration
of my own personal
desperation

i should have blown you
kisses for blowing my
good girl cover

i'm seventeen
and so so sweet
wouldn't it be nice to
meet someone just like me?

it's not you
it's not you
it's definitely
not you

it's me

there is better weather
somewhere else

put the flowers on the shelf

tell me you're sorry
and love no one else

tell me you're sorry
and love no one else

touch my neck
and i start to melt
but you don't ever
tell me how you really felt

you are so much more convincing
when you are just being
yourself

i have a
crooked mouth
with a
crooked smile

why don't
you come
and stay
with me
a while

because
i need
someone to
help figure
me out

because
i need
someone to
help sort
everything
out

you are
a gentle giant
a peaceful
riot
you don't
know what
you are
in for

it's violently
delicious
and equally
as viscous

these sounds
escape
the mess
of your
mouth

i am
not a phase
or
a temporary escape
i just don't
know what
i am
good for

someone tell me
whats so wrong with
wanting a memory
that we both remember

and someone tell me
what does it mean to
let go of something you've never had?

like,
someone just
*******
tell me
why am i feeling so sad?

im not asking for much
just a little reassurance
so that i feel like
i am enough

i just don't wanna fade away

today i felt like ****
so i drank a bunch
of antioxidants
i went home to
take a bath for an hour
couldn't stand up
in the shower

i'm dead meat

mascara, bubble gum,
and hallucinogens
i take my birth control
like i take my
vitamins

(i always forget)

i'm trying to be
a good girl this time
i wake up every morning,
and stay alive
i know i'm pretty ******
but at least your mine

i'm broken glass

first,
lemme just
check my facebook
to see if
anybody else has
"high functioning anxiety"
like me

i'm so sorry
your goldfish died
that's a nice picture
of your stupid wife

time to delete
another racist
let's face it -
you probably live
in your mom's basement

i just like the dog memes

i wanna go on long trips with you
stop at gas stations and eat chips with you
do the things that lovers do,
get lost and dissolve into you

but,
it's okay if we just pretend
we're only going nowhere
in the end

you could leave today
behind for tomorrow
this is the diaspora where
no one follows
and i promise it won't take much
to let it all go


sometimes leaving
just looks a lot better
inside my head

you make me jittery
restless and blistery
you wrap me up,
warm but bitterly

you are my cup of coffee

your limbs will break
faster than the construct
of reality if you can
just hold me for the rest
of this
song

i'm sorry i thought
that you could be this
strong

maybe it's the
distance between
our fingers -

or maybe
it's the distance between
each day

i just remember singing along
like i knew all of the words

i wanna become
entangled in your love
i wanna be
dissolved slowly,
ravaged and devoured wholly

but he said he only likes blondes,
so now my brown hair is gone
he said "this will be forever"
but i guess forever was too long

i wanna become
twisted under your thumb
i wanna be
your one and only
when you're with me
you'll never be lonely

but i guess forever was too long

my inspiration
lies in the palms
of your calloused hands,
drips from them like
wine onto
the floor -
into my mouth

i can tell you how i feel later
i know you only want to hear about
the happy stuff -
sugar-coated lies always taste better anyway

we watched the wind blow
and the flowers grow
and we were also

we watched the fire glow
made puppets out of their shadows
and we were also

we watched the time slow
and the hours go
and we were also

this world is a beautiful place
this world has a beautiful face
and it is yours

i work in a coffee shop
and i try to be
pretty and small
pretty and small
pretty and small

my boyfriend
calls me moody
and he's
6 feet tall
6 feet tall
6 feet tall

i like to write
and take naps
and i'm
five foot two
five foot two
five foot two

i like it where i am
but it's better
when i am with you
when i am with you
when i am with you

ok
this is the part
where i say
"i am mismatched
like a pair of socks"

ok
this is the part
where you say
"that's ok,
i never wore matching socks
anyway."

i'm taking it more gracefully this time,
i'm learning to love
in ways that make you mine

i'm taking it more softly this time,
i'm leaving all of my
hard parts behind

i'm taking it more graciously this time,
i'm finding ways to thank you
for all of your time

it's ok

your seat was empty at the table today.

i probably shouldnt be saying this but i really  can't resist:

if we were to suffocate
right here in this velvetly air,
i probably wouldn't even care
we would watch our things, our posessions, our valuables float into the atmosphere
as we continue to breathe in the sulfur,
ladies and gentleman,
prepare to say your last prayer

we were designed to go this way, i swear

is this really what it takes
to make us feel human?
is this really what it takes
to make us feel alive?
i don't know why i'd rather die
than to hang on every word
like it was your last

i really don't mean to sound like
such a bother but it's just that i can't
seem to figure out why i even bother.

and hey,
everybody has those days
and everybody has those nights
like the ones where i lay staring at the ceiling
til i feel like i might stop breathing
because i don't know
who to call at 3 in the morning
because i know your sleep is more important
because the only trace of
"i love you" can be found
underneath your finger nails,
i can still remember your breathing
your skinfolds, the tiny little details
but each dig feels sharper than the last
because i don't like to write in the last
few pages of my notebook because
i actually don't want my story to end

but here we are

we're dying in the street
we're struggling to breath
and i can't feel my heart beat
that's what i wanted, right?

i'm swingin in slowly,
entirely and wholey
like my mother used to tell me
i'm just trying to figure out where i belong

i'm homesick for a home
i've never known
and a home is not a home
when you're on your own

i'm crawling in quietly,
softly and slightly
like my mother used to tell me
"you won't get far by just stringing yourself along"

if you could feel
the way I feel
you probably
wouldn't be here
right now

i wish we were
walking in the rain
on the beach in
october
i wish
we were talking
in the rain
on the beach in
october

i wouldn't care about
my hair
in the rain on the beach
in october
in the rain
on the beach in
october

i wish we were
walking together
in this rainy weather
in october
on the beach in october
in the rain

your eyes are melting
like the polar ice caps
and I am swimming in your sea
there is nowhere I'd rather be
than watching television
while you sleep

I'm tracing the lines
of your smile
I'm watching your
chest fall and rise
for a little while

but I'm hardly
holding a grudge
and I'm not trying to be
something that you'll
just get tired of

it's just that
I love you so much
and sometimes
I don't think that it's
enough

i've been finding myself
burried inbetween
more and more
moments of unspoken anger

i've been learning how to
swallow that **** daily,
just like my *******
birth control

i'll probably end up  between
somewhere and nowhere
between the middle and the end
i'll probably just float away
and you'll all think I'm dead

mortality -
it's what means we are all
alive
mortality -
it's what means that we will all
die

i'll probably end up between
here and there
between the bottom and the top
i'll probably just fade away
and I just can't wait til it stops

does it get any better than this?

probabaly  not.

back when we were
in love,
and i was seventeen -
my hair was short
and i liked the way
you embraced my silence
i told you not to be fooled -
inside this head
blares a million sirens

back when we were
in love,
and i was eighteen -
my hair was long
and i liked the way
your breaths were delayed
i told you not to be scared -
there were so many times
where i don't know why you stayed

back when we were
in love,
and i was nineteen -
my hair was short (again)
and i liked the way
you softened the blows
you told me not to take you for granted -
but here i am
alone and empty-handed

inspiration is
a ******* waste
i just liked the way
your tounge tasted,
you called me "baby"
and carried my limbs when
my ligaments felt achy

it feels good -
now that you've erased me



don't come back

everything is temporary
i think to myself momentarily
as i stand and watch the river's flow
like the blood
in my veins
but no longer yous
and i ask myself
"where do we go?"
but i sigh in relief
and smile to myself
because for you,
there is no more pain

i had a dream
and you were briefly in it
i woke up
and the room was
spinning
i put my glasses
on
and suddenly
the thought of you
was


gone

i like it when you look at me
except
i just don't think
you really look at me
maybe it's because  
i'm not the one you wanted to see
or maybe it's because
i'm looking for
an unspoken apology

i'm really happy
i swear i'm happy
i smile 'til my
face screams
and everyone asks,
"how are you, addie?"

i like it when you think about me
except
i just don't think
you really think about me
maybe it's  because
you don't even know me
or maybe it's because
you see right through me

i'm really okay
i swear i'm okay
i shrug my shoulders
and i sigh all day
and nobody ever asks
"are you sure you're okay?"

turtles are my favorite animal
because they have a shell
which is mostly convenient
because sometimes earth
can feel more like hell

you are my favorite criminal
because you make me smile
you are guilty
and you are gentle
but it's okay
you seem to make it
all worthwhile  

i am my favorite artist
because i hate everything that i do
and i try to stay inside this shell
but all these words and ideas
keep leading me back to you

i'm still bitter,
i watched it set fire in the
summer
and crumble in the
winter

i'm still sorry
i felt it softly spoken
from your bedroom
it rolled off your tounge
and then suddenly it turned
soggy

i'm still lost
i searched for you
in the night time
the morning light
couldn't save me
and you just couldn't
seem to get
your ******* point
across

you are a ship,
that sails beyond my broad horizon
you are my ship,
that sails whien the waters are rising

there are storms being brewed inside of me
and i am waiting on the shore,
i watched you as the monsoon was unleashed
but couldn't help to shake off this feeling
i wanted to see more

you are a ship,
that sails beyond my broad horizon
you are my ship,
that i watched become swallowed by poseidon

i want you to erase my existance;
and paint me into your picture -
i'm grabbing the main ideas
just by the sound of your laughter
only the jokes aren't so funny anymore
but neither is this silence
it speaks with such volume,
and sudden violence
the space between your lips
is now an allusion to
the way a ship sinks,
it's like you can't take your eyes off of it
even though you really want to
what i'm really trying to say is
i just wanna write myself into oblivion
that way
i'm still alive -
even when i'm i'm no longer living

i wish that you'd wear your seatbelt
because i want you and no one else
i wish we were both sedated
because then there would be no reason
to say we couldnt make it
and the car is empty now,
and i can't seem to figure it out -
because now my heart is in my throat
because i don't remember a word
that you spoke
because the music skimmed the air
and i hang on to every note -
now the melody is diguised
in those little lies
while the love we shared slowly died...
so,
i wish that i didn't wear my seatbelt
because now i want to be anyone
but myself

i'm just feeling a little
indifferent
at this profound amount of
ambivalence
but i swear love you so much it's completely
ridiculous
it's like time slows down and then i become
limitless

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I almost crashed your car
I guess that's just what happens when you're
sixteen and dumb

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I drank all your *****,
and didn't call you back
I guess that's what happens when you're
sixteen and numb

I wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry I can't remember
the words you said to me before you left
I guess that's what happens with you're
sixteen and young