Beer, you said
Was all you ever had
Affair, you said
Was all you ever needed
Waste, you said
Was all you ever felt
Abuse, you said
Was all you ever wanted
Family, you said
Was such a waste
Reality, you said
Was just an illusion
Daughter, you told
Was such a disappointment
Son, you told
Was nothing that mattered

And yet you beg for us to forgive
These statements you made
The actions and consequences you caused
And this turmoil you've created in our heads

Thank you mother
For showing me that even heros can become villains
For giving me the truth of the world
That everything will change
And it could wreck you whole

You gave me the biggest lesson in life
That no matter the circumstances
You have the right to fight against
The right to take matters into your own hands
To do the best you can for you
Sounds a little selfish,
And trust me it is,
But its the right amount of sin
That makes the world spin

Pain, I say
Is what I have known
Love, I say
Is hard to let got
Family, I say
Is a hard thing to leave
Life, I say
Is never easy

Moving on, I say
Is a fight worth taking

People should be a little bit brighter
A little bit happier, don't be a miser.

Why is everyone so quick to anger,
So scared of danger and sick on paper.
Get a life, learn to smile you fakers.
Nothing in this world is gonna make it safer.

Misery loves company trust me it's ugly.
They came to be lovely til their feelings need cuddling.
Coddling is more like it, insulating even.
They don't realize they're insinuating treason.

Inciting some violence by some violet snowflakes.
Protesting the silence with science and show dates.

Our heroes reborn, a new purpose and will.
All zeroes now scorned by the true service of skill.

You hear about the sleepless nights
The crying, the suicidal thoughts.
The cloudy days when it's sunny
And the thunderstorms in the cool breeze

You hear about the support groups
The suicide hotlines, the public outcry.
#westandwith__, #alwayskeepfighing,
The sad poems and the sad playlists.

But you never hear about the reality

The way depression looms over your head,
Not as a cloud, but as a faceless mass
Of pure darkness, that paints a smile on your face
So people don't notice you're hurting

It's the feeling of complete and utter nothingness,
When you sit in class and stare at the teacher
But don't hear a thing he's saying because you're too sad, too upset to move or think.

It's the paranoia that you feel
When your friends leave you for a split second
That feels like minutes, then feels like hours.
It's the loneliness that sets in
While numbers and friends are within arm's reach.

It's the messy room, the scraps of chocolate wrappers on the floor.
The piles of laundry you haven't touched in weeks.
The homework you've been putting off because you were too ******* sad to do it
The pain on your lover's face when he realised he can't do anything
And the pain on yours when you hate seeing him in pain
And the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

...

It's the constant apologising.

The constant self-hatred.

The self-medication with good things and movies but nothing seems to work.





I just want to be okay.

Is this it?
Is this goodbye?
A farewell to all those good times
The best times
The times when it was just you and I against the world?
Is this us over?
Have I lost my soulmate
My heart
My desire?

You're here and yet I feel you're already gone
Your mind if not your body with someone else
All that love, hope, desire
His.

I do not know how to say
These words that I hold
In my heart so dear

They have been plaguing my mind
Boxing between thin walls
Wanting to burst free from within

And how could they
Without my permission
But that's making them antsy

One of these days, I can already see
That they wont listen to you or to me
And they'll fight free

They might burst out in words of anger
Or they could cope with the sound of tears
Either way, it won't be pretty

Holding them back to stop the future
Of you tearing away from me
But I think you already have

And that hurts more than it should probably be