i used to dream in black and white,
grays blending together the scenes that
spin spin spin
until i can't differentiate black from white.
i dreamt about shriveling flowers and endless hallways
and never being able to scream;
and then i met you.
suddenly i was dreaming in color,
a luxury i thought would never come to fruition,
flowers popping and life breathed back into trees.
i never knew how beautiful it was to have someone hold you at 3am,
to kiss your bruises and tell you your scars are angelic
even though the way you acquired them isn't.
i never knew how beautiful it was
to dream in color.

You say you miss me
I think that is all a lie
So just stop the lies I don't care to hear it
I wish no one found out
You believe everyone else over me
I can't wait until you get over me
You are making me want to rip myself apart
I am trying so hard to hold my ground
It seems impossible
But I am going to try and I will keep trying.

Standing in the middle of the terminal
Confused on where to go
I have an empty bag but my heart is full of emotions.
I've been everywhere,
Searching here and there
Looking for something that I don't even know
It's not when, but where will I stop and grow?
I hope one day I end this confusion
And find a place I can call my Home.

The feeling when you tell them you love them
And they don't say it back
The hole in the heart
The punch in the chest
That nothing can repair
Even if they say it in the future
You will always remember
The one time they didn't say it back.

It weeps flakes of time on the
unforgiving floor below....
     like leaves never fading
              stagnant greens linger
deformed by there empty moments

Contorted panels showing the pain
of there absence from the world.
              A glass panel cracked beyond
its sight, distorted reflections collect
fractured rainbows never reaching
                                      there *** of gold.

When the wind cuts upon its shadow,
   this door creaks open, falling to splinters
beyond its creation there is nothing waiting
just an empty space...
           Shut for so long lingering in denial
that beyond it lies nothing of interest..
    it lays on its hinges, a dead tree felled...

My heart it beats through lonely days
my head it heeds no warning
For I have loved you many ways
from dusk til waking morning.
The clock it marks my numbered days
each tick a token tear
My heart is held within your gaze
Why don't you see me here?

Some days I tread in the madness of my head.

Squirming tentacles of loathing with staining black ink.

Skittering crawling legs of anxiety darting and buzzing.

Black oily fog of depression chocking and weighing me down.

Whispering racing thoughts babbling and overlapping as a crowd.

Swollen infection of frustration gummed up and fit to overflow.

Stinging rash of anger rasping my throat with silent screams.

Dull heavy ache of resentment weighing in my chest making me weary.

These are the fiendish ingredients of my mind's cauldron, my stew of madness.

Some days I can bring fire inside and burn it all away, but the charred remains fester and come back.

Some days I can find a friend and shine a light inside, but this only halts the rot and reminds me of everything there.

Maybe someday I'll resolve this malady, answer the question.

Find someone with light to see, fire to burn, and care to sit by me as I heal.

Or grow old enough to take it all with ice and salt for my husk.

Hide away child
don't let me In
I'm a demon, I am a devil
I'll teach you how to sin

run away child
don't look me in the eyes
there silver- blue and deadly
and full of broken lies