what am i feeling?
i look through a misted glass
my heart wants to escape
eyes meet my own reflection
who are you?
ive seen your face before
but i know you not
night lights reflect in your eyes
casting a melancholy glow
are you looking for an escape too?

the lungs of nigh
rest
two shadows in the dark
sinking into stillness

clouds parting,
fragments of light shine down
celestial beams,
that highlight the dewy air
l want to drink it in
and rejuvenate my spirit

I wake up to silence
outside my window
the sun shines through the early mist.
i am alone.
cold,
a ghostly aurora that is my own presence
lingers in this empty space
cold,
i am alone.

Spoken words bring life
Go forth your separate ways
You are your own poem

I never knew
that I would have to cut out
parts of my life to be free
the operation was long in anticipation
these ******* of mine were never mine
a literal weight off of my chest
is top surgery
now my life begins
and I can be me

You work so hard, and for what?
Sell your soul for a chance to play at life’s little game.
To take a part you’ve already lost.

You work so hard for a chance to live.
But your life is the price you pay.
You give it all chasing phantom carrots.

Stuck on an endless cycle.
Trying to resurrect in the act of killing
The very thing you had to begin with.
The only thing you’ve ever wanted.

In the end it’s wasted effort.
Can’t win no matter what.
In order to live you must die.
And thus the game is played.
As if you were given a choice...

Wait itself is as tedious
As the passing of time.

Climb,
The hands of the clock inch.
It feels like an eternity.

Certainly I pass through as before,
But still the wait is insurmountable

Countable are the minutes that pass
One, two, maybe five?

I've got til 5 before I can go.
Back to the droll of wasted time

I'm stuck on a loop of waiting and wasting, wasting and waiting.

A disappointment
That's all that I am
Born to defy
They say I'm not human
I am more
Tell me that I'm not
***** I built myself up
From the bottom to the top
I fought for who I am
I'm not say'n I'm a saint
Not say'n that I am perfect
Or that I haven't got complaints
Got plenty o' em
I've done things that I regret
My parents are ashamed of me
Can't bare what they beget
They may never call me son
Or see me for who I am
All they wanted was a little girl
Not a transgender man.

you can love with your body
but can you
with your breath
can you love me with your breath
can you love me with the air that you breathe

with the gentlest of breezes
like the wind that blows
and tells me that I'm safe

How can you say you hate them?
And not realize the irony
How can you hate your own race?
Do you not hear in yourself “that’s a part of me”?
You attempt to distance yourself by making jokes at their expense.
Try to disguise it as humor, but I can see past your pretense.
All of your white friends, whom with you wish to blend,
Will follow suit, then use you as a scapegoat by saying
“Nah, it’s cool man. I have an Asian friend.”
Don't you realize, with your own words you're cutting yourself down
Don’t do this to yourself man, you are not a clown-
To be laughed at and mocked
Neither are the others whom this ridicule has flocked
Be proud of who you are, and from where you came.
Pass yourself off as a joke and others will do the same.

It was only once i embraced the devil in me
that i realized he was never even there

Why?
Why did you speak to me?
I was doing all I could
to be unapproachable.
I was determined to be unlovable
But you, that didn't stop you.
Why?

The long grass sways over
As the wind blows into it
Ripples of green flow

I do not say
What a day contains
The conversation dull
Though you may ask
I will pass
To speak would all be bull.