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 Nov 2018 david mitchell
robin
you’re growing
inside me
like a ****
you thought was a flower as a child
before the days your mother threw the dandelion bouquet you made her into the yard waste pile.
it was a definitive part of growing up she’d say.
im smiling but my feet are bare and the floor im walking on is needles
needless to say
i already know you’re darling
in every way
we’ve been communicating these last nine months through a layer of flesh
like we’re pen pals
you know my skin and bones like family
and I know your kicks and punches
like it’s yesterdays news.

i can’t tell you this but i am fearful

fearful of who i will become
what i have to offer
fearful of
the control of my life, the constant day to day swing of things i know I must leave in the rear view mirror

only for once
i don’t care
for once  

i
am
an
autumn leaf
t
u
m
  b
l
    i
n
   g

down to uncertainty
only instead of fighting it
i surrender.
 Nov 2018 david mitchell
robin
green river
wet thighs
white towels
panic
yellow lines
street signs
cracked pavement
nighttime
City lights
Ambulance siren
hospital lights
dog barks
water drips from the faucet
running out of time
grey leather seats
emergency
wheel chairs and nurses
galking people
wet eyes
hands, shaking
sharp turns
running
down the hall
Barefoot
cold floor
green river
hospital tissue paper
phone calls
too much
can’t breathe
nurses laughing
hands on your shoulder
Happy for you
contractions
three centimeters dilated
nurses talk
Blanket
cold hands
heart beating fast
can’t breathe
Fluorescent lights
Shaking
green river
nurses
where’s babies heart beat
dropping
panic
Cold hands
Creeky bed
Oxygen mask
Can’t breathe
can’t breathe
all fours like a dog
Blue Shower cap
Emergency
Running down the hall
wet eyes
Green river
Florescent lights
hand sanitizer smell
Can’t breathe can’t breathe
cold
hospital room
no blanket
alone
shaking nervous scared
Emergency
heart rate dropping
Galking eyes
cold air
dizzy
Panic
anesthesia
blackness
Fuzzy vision


Where’s my baby
where’s my baby?
Strike bright like the light
That enters the still room,
Ceiling painted in dark blue
And floor splattered with patterns
Of hypnotic lines
Wavering in the patchy rays;
Perhaps closing the blinds
May let one find night
In case of yet another day.
Am broken until am out of shards
and spoken until am out of words
You stood by me through the hardest times
You gave me everything, you were my solid ground
You picked me up when I was down
And you were there when there was no one else around

No, I'm not turning my back on you
There's something I've got to do
I'm torn between these two worlds
And I don't ever want to have to choose

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long

Been chasing time, to make it last
And now another year has gone so fast
Gone back and forth for way too long
And I know I need to decide where I belong

Everywhere I go I think of you
And how I've broken your heart in two
Please don't give up on me just yet
I know we'll find a way to make it through

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long

I've been trying to explain to you
That it's not your fault
I still feel so close to you
Despite the distance

Hi, goodbye again
It's time for me to go
I'll miss you, I promise to try
Not to be gone for long
This song makes me think of her a lot. Sometimes I hate listening to it, but it's one of my favorite songs.
I can't help but
Visit your page everyday,
Wishing that it won't be in vain
And I'm going insane,
'Cause I might never see you again,
You're gone like the rain that never came in the first place;
Whatever, I guess it might be better just to be forgetting your name
And forgetting your face
And the shape of your shades
And the lines across your waist
And your Instagram page
And the time we met at summer school,
The way the teacher called your name
So I turned and saw your face
And the sunlight on your shades
And the shirt on your waist
And so I went home to find your Instagram page
And I've been addicted every single day,
But now to find out that you were already taken away
Ever since I knew you;
It's a beautiful pain.
 Jun 2018 david mitchell
rose
Lovely
 Jun 2018 david mitchell
rose
What a lovely little lie to live
I bent the bitter truth just a bit
Sorry but I
Try not to rock the boat
My life is dependent on
I hate lying but sometimes it's necessary
tbh
sabrina has her cartoons on
i keep pouring my drink
my phone is off
my laptop is fully charged
these moments are being recorded
the steak is cooking
my mom is sleeping
i miss listening to her sleep when i kiss her goodnight

i wake up to the sound of nothing
i turn around and look at sabrina
i look at the ceiling and contemplate the day
i walk to the restroom, the mirror tells the outcome

i live the day, and cook for sabrina

my darling

i'll satisfy your stomach

and your mind

my darling

you're watching cartoons

i love you dearly

this moment, until my body shuts down
You were a shy world with
Glasses and a leather jacket
On our long, dark transit;

Your contacts had hearts attached,
Your eyes were natural
And your hair classical and tall;

You'd twiddle your thumbs on your Samsung
And ride Route A with the night,
There I sat, on the seat to the right
Looking at the little light
On our pitch black bus.
I'll never see you again, but I wish I could.
Yes
I loved you
But you never loved me too
Or at least you couldn't say
Because I wouldn't say the same
Scared for regrets or past mistakes
Cause in the end you wouldn't stay
And in the end we couldn't stay
The same
Anyway
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