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The world is so
******,
I trust
drugs
over humans.
I.
Witness your family
stop loving
each other.

II.
Understand what people mean
when they say
the world is not fair.

III.
Be struck with
the realization that
you are not special.

IV.
Hurt yourself.
Don't tell
anyone.

V.
Let strangers
see parts of you
your friends never have.

VI.
Decide that being deep
is more important
than being happy.

VII.
Cut all your hair off
without asking
your parents.

VIII.
Let your ex
boyfriend see
all your scars.

IX.
Go to counseling.
Do not cry.
Not here.

X.
Stop
hurting
yourself.

XI.
Feel empty.
Try not
to cry.

XII.
Let yourself
be defined by the
honesty of numbers.

XIII.
Do not
fill your emptiness
with calories.

XIV.
Pour out your
heart, soul,
dinner.

XV.
Restrict yourself.
Minimize.
Shrink.

XVI.**
Finally
have
control.
I'm only doing this because I want to feel less helpless.
i do not want
to face tomorrow
so tonight
i will not sleep

because i see
the sun as the sun
and day only arrives
when i awake.
Because i live in a world filled with people
and there is only one of you
for everything
what does it take
to become a writer?
published words
or beautiful thoughts
im not a poet it's just that the low grumble of your voice sounds like music and the warmth of your embrace feels like home no im really not a poet just i can't stop comparing your laugh to a drink of cold water on a hot day and your touch to the sweet fingers of the hand that pulled me off that ledge right as i was about to jump oh i said im not a poet but i look for you in everything and i find you in all the good things in all of us, you are the reference point for every person i meet but they do not compare, they do not come close, my dear, i can compare you to hurricanes and tidal waves and stormy skies but, my dear, nobody and nothing comes close to the wonder that is you
this is kinda cheesy idk
if i can't make you snort with laughter on your sad days, do not stay with me. i do not deserve you
if i can't make you giggle like a little ******* your tired days, find someone else, i'm begging you.
if i can't even make you smile on the days that you kind of hate me, then i am not the one for you, i promise.

and if i don't have you feeling otherwise on days where you find that maybe you don't want to be alive,
leave me
leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you

you deserve someone who fills your life with color and makes you happier than you ever thought you could be
if i can't be that for you,
if i can't make you feel that kind of love,
leave me
please leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you
you deserve them
I'll never know,    
I'll never try,
                   And I'll never care.
"My ambition is handicapped by laziness" - Bukowski.
Today it is raining
And the sky is reaching its fingers down
To comfort me.
We are the same
We neither of us
Know how to cry just right.
Sometimes I know the razorblade torrents of water
Are meant to be caresses.
The wind whips rain into my face
From a sympathetic sky
Reaching out
Contact,
Contact!-
It is lonely, never truly touched
And knows not how to be,
And its reaching hands are too rough, too eager
And then sometimes it ***** in its breath
As if it's realized it's gone much too far,
But we are the same.
We are the same and I understand why one moment I am drenched
And the next I only feel a mist.
We neither of us
Have control.
We are only trying
Our best.
It often rains on days when I am sad.
I wish it was acceptable to be a storm,
To throw yourself at the ground with all your abandon,
To wail
To crash lightning and split trees down their centers.
I wish it was okay to be so chaotic.
But never once has anybody seen my storm
And not been angered by its force.
So when I am sad I love to walk in the rain
Because we understand each other-
Everybody hates rainy days.
They are beautiful...
From inside.
They are necessary...
But endured.
Because they don't know when to quit.
They don't know
How-
Reeling out of control,
Sometimes your hair gets wrecked,
Sometimes
Your roof leaks.
Sometimes,
You just can't get the damp to stop clinging to your clothes
Like a needy child.
People hate rainy days.
I don't hate rainy days.
We understand each other.
I admire them.
They have no permission, either
To be so volatile,
So
Passionate.
But they do not hang on.
They let go.
Because it is all they know how
To do.
It is all I know how
To do either
But I am here on the ground,
Here in these bones that can't burst lightning
Or wail like the wind
Here in this flesh that, unlike the storm, needs to be loved.
So all I do is let the rain wash my face,
In solidarity
Because
We neither of us
Know how to cry just right.
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