I wish I had the words
To perfectly describe
Everything in my life

I feel so full of letters
Of words with no real phrases
That don't seem to come together
Or form a clear idea properly

I wish I had the words

Why does having food in my stomach
Feel like I failed

A Girl to Cherish

She maintains a steady gaze,
With desire, or makes my heart pursue her as a chase.

She has a smile that melts my heart
And pierces through the uncertainty in my head.

She is kind and modest, embracing everyone,

But she maintains a cold distance.
She is steady and keeps her space,
She doesn’t want to hurt anyone and wishes the same.

But her fate doesn’t let her desires come true.

That’s the secret behind her steady gaze.

Reader,

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                 live stay alive stay
                                    alive stay alive
                                        stay alive

                                        stay alive
                                   stay alive stay a
                                live stay alive stay a
                                  live stay alive stay
                                      alive stay alive
                                              stay alive
                                                stay ali
                                                ve sta
                                               y al
                                              ive
            ­                                 |-/

Ugly ugly girl
You try so hard, but it never works
You paint your face to make it clear
You wear lashes so your eyes are big
And line your lips so they look full
You even try to fix your nose
The curl in your hair is to match your face
And the hairspray so it doesn’t go away
Lastly perfume so they say you smell sweet
Yet even with the money you pay
Or the time you spend
Stroking, drawing, blending for perfection
You still seem so broken
Like you’ve always been
It never goes away no matter how hard you try to cover it
Ugly ugly girl
You try so hard but it never works
You will never stop aching to be pretty
So you can be put back together

I’m crazy enough to like you
Even though you hate me
Hate is a strong word
Like the love I feel inside me

I try to stop the feeling
But it comes back stronger
I just want it to stop
I don't want it any longer

I know my feelings are a burden to you
So I try to hide it
This one sided love will stay as is
Because you can’t commit

i lick my own wounds
because
only i know

exactly     where       it      hurts

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

if i show you
will you understand?

how i've outlined these arms
vein after vein
where sunlight runs
i see only
lines to trace

i got a barcode on my wrists

scan me for the price
of beauty

i am as expensive
as what people think of me.

do you know what it feels like
to attach your worth
to weighing scales
and waists that never
slim down?

is this why they call them
shoulder blades
to cut through
your skin
to be called
"pretty"

thigh gaps that map
the distance between your legs
to make you
matter so much
you can't stand on your own
feet.

when you walk the shoes
we wear
will you know?

the path to be
called beautiful
is full of
self-hate

and we pay for that bill.