so many words in my head
all trapped in the depths of my brain
that no soul will ever explore

Skin begins to crawl while seeing this mess
Binding my chest and trying to rest

I don’t see myself

Living in this body is betrayal
Everything is wrong feeling unwell

I don’t see myself

Looking down is not much better
Body is making it hard to get it together

I don’t see myself

Mind is screaming to give up
Living life like this hurts too much

I don’t see myself

Tears dried on your caramel cheeks
Wondering why there’s so much to be scared of
Thinking about escaping to a better place

Where you do not feel like a burden
Where you had not been a mistake
Where you are not scared of being condemned

But you already had to accept
There’s no where to go and no one to turn to

You have family as reliable as a bike with a broken chain
Friends who are scared of you
And a brain that has not yet developed

Through the terrifying thoughts
Horrible memories
And flat out traumatizing events

You are still fighting

I know most day hurt being in the wrong body
I know most days you just wish you’d been born right

I know that one day you’ll be getting closer
To being able to present how you want

I know you’re scared

But there’s something I need to tell you
Something I need you to trust
Dry your cheeks and listen to me

you are now loved
and
you will be okay

there is nothing wrong with who you are
you’re allowed to be you
we are two months on testosterone and becoming the man we’ve always knew we were

I’m so proud of you

Everything is black
I don’t know where I am
Everything is unknown

this couldn’t have been the plan
my body is shaking
they rush to my side
my heart is racing
theyre afraid I might die

Levels of consciousness vary
I verbalize many of sounds
My limbs are impossible to carry
In my head I am no where to be found

My eyes were open
And my mouth too
I took too many pills
I didn’t think things through
Somewhere in my mind
I’m hoping I don’t die
And my body took the controls
and said, “We have to stay alive“

There’s pieces missing of my life
I know I should have thought twice

Taking the pills
and mentally preparing my will

But knew it wasn’t right

I drove to help
So glad I did

If I had waited
I would be dead