you’ve told me before,
self-loathing is just
a common cliché,
now everybody’s doing it.

that’s not to say
i haven’t seen how
your eyes roam over
your body like you’d been
stitched together with all
the wrong fabrics
i don’t think
i’ve ever seen you
look as dissatisfied as
when you look
at yourself.

you’ve told me before,
self-loathing is just like
an std, everybody’s had it
at some point.

it’s just that some people
were smart enough to
use protection or are abstinent
and they’re the ones
who sleep easy at night
while you’ve always got an itch
to scratch it was never clear
how they toed the line
between their self love
and hate better
than others and you
were their other,
caught them staring
and couldn’t tell the line
between love and hate

(thought you saw it
split the ground open
wanted to dip your toes
into the nothing between
you were scared
you’d fall in).

but you won’t tell
me what it’s like
when you look at yourself,
and your reflection
is rag-doll ragged
the perfect pincushion
and you pinpoint
all the split seams
moth holes your
smile is just a
loose thread you stop
to unravel

and you won’t say
what it’s like
when your reflection is
all pins and points
and you’re not sure
if the rag-doll face
underneath is still
there, at one point
she smiles
like only girls with pins
in their lips can,
her lips unravel

(you don’t smile).

you’ve told me before,
self-loathing is just
a common cliché,
there’s no way you’d
be caught dead
doing it.

i’ve seen the red-capped pins
you keep with your make-up.

they look so much
like my own.



hey.
are you still there?
i can't see you beneath
all those pins.

yeah, I've got information.
but not a single dose for you
but I've still got heart
and I've still got time, that's true

but I can never have too much
because I don't have enough
all while never knowing
who even gives a ****

you wanna hear me complain ?
doubt it
I don't want to hear you
but I do

so I get it
what else do you want me to say
I don't always have fancy word play
but I still have things to say
and ideas to marinate in your brain in

meet me half-way

we're all lonely
I can see it in everyone's eyes
in the way we say we're okay
behind years of self abusing lies
saying,
really, it's okay
I know that's not what you meant to say

(even though you said it with conviction)
(even though you said it with dedication)

really, it's okay
I know you'll stop someday

(someday isn't a promise)
(someday is a to do list)
(that will sit under your lyrics,
that are so "woke")
(until you remember
what you originally wrote...)

you know change
let's try to think how to arrange
the nature of my lies
and your eyes
and what blinks clean
I'm not in the winning seat
But I'm already ahead enough
not to retreat
you makes these lists
and you see what needs to change
while still clenching your fists
and saying to not trust you is strange

(while I'm stuck in the middle getting antsy)
(my happiness is on a list in the back seat)

There was hidden poet in there
filled with misery
concealed safely
behind the smile
tucked in tight
that looses itself at night
beautifying the misery of life
in rhymes and sonnets
calligraphed in blue and black
immortalizing the sorrow
on the sheets that shout in silence
through the words
that couldn’t help him
while
he was alive

You bury all your problems,
beneath sunflower beds
and your back porch.
Cause the sun will take your sadness,
and drown it with its warmth.
And you'll sweep off the front steps,
shake out the welcome mat,
hoping he'll come inside.
And perhaps he will stay awhile,
and hold you through the night.

home in the mirror
appearing nearer

but i'm not driving
or even trying
to turn around

i'm burning down

bridges behind me
all I can see

over my shoulder
looking for closure

the colder and closer
i get to the sea.

love me once,
leave me twice,
the first
i let it go.
school and friends,
compromise,
you told me
"don't do so."

love me once,
leave me twice,
i knew you,
all too well.
promised words;
a broken heart,
down the hole
i fell.

love me once,
leave me twice,
you left me
all alone.
with lack of warmth
and happiness,
without you
was not home.

Drowning (Lyrics)
Water’s getting deeper
But I can’t seem to stay afloat
And I just keep dragging myself down
Cause I don’t want the ocean
I don’t want the ocean to keep her

[Chorus]
If I could save you I would
Even if I drown beneath the waves
Now if I could save you I should
But right now I’m the one that needs to be
Saved

We’re both drifting endlessly
We’ll go wherever the water takes us
And I don’t know if I’ve lost my way
And now you’re gone
And I don’t know what to say
But…

[Chorus]

I’m the one that needs to be saved x3
Now no matter where we go
I’m the one that needs to be saved
Wherever the water will flow
I’m the one that needs to be saved

I’m drowning, I’m helpless
But there’s no time to be scared
I’m drowning, I’m helpless
You’re the only one that’s ever cared
I’m drowning, I’m helpless
Still searching the ocean for you
You’re drowning, you’re helpless
And someday the world will be too

I cherish you

like the feeling of cracking open
the window on the first day of spring
Feeling the warmth of the sun
breathing in the smell of flowers and grass
hearing the birds awaken from a slumber

I cherish you

like waking in the dead of night
to the sound of a summer storm
Listening to the soothing patter
watching the lightening eluminate
as you smell the damp macadam

I cherish you

like that moment of precipus
before plumetting into sleep
It's a calm filled with ambiance
and warm enveloping bedsheets
that emphasize the taste of mint on your teeth

I cherish you

like hearing a hearty laugh or
putting on a new pair of socks
because the little things
the things we tend to take for granted
was the way I loved you --

the way I cherish you.