Lost in the music of childhood Saturday afternoons
Never before realizing
The broken soul she purged through impassioned verse and powerful refrains
This same music offering insight and healing
Songs wailed from the depths of my being
Tears burn my tired eyes
As I cry, never having realized i lived her pain
I am living it now, through my own wounds
Wounds i borrowed from her broken heart

Stay in the shower as long as you want.
Turn the water as hot as you need.
Rub down your body, each crevasse and limb.
keep on scrubbing until you bleed.
You won't get the dirt off.
It's inside.
Strip off your skin and claw out your flesh.
Expose your hidden self underneath.
Run the water over 'till your muscles are sore.
Keep on scrubbing. You won't find relief.
You still won't get the dirt off.
It crawls in your blood.
Pull out your veins. Drain out the tubes.
Let it run dry so you get it all out.
Fill up the tub. You're sure to win now.
But you still haven't realized what this is about.
You won't get the dirt out.
It's inside your head.
Cut open your skull. Pull out your brain.
Amputate every ill-found regret.
Pick open each lobe. Each neuron until
You're sure that it's over, you'll finally forget.
But you'll never get the dirt out.
You're already dead.

When I turn to autumn leaves

And my bones, they turn to dust

You will walk upon me

Before The winter wind carries me

To be passed amongst the stars


Although the Milky Way wouldn't
have me

Cause I never wore my royal crown

Never suffered quite as much

Your sanity, it was tethered to me


When you sang that Winter Song

The constellations passed me by

But the winter wind did not refuse

She carried me back upon the starry night

Just to see you again


And when you sang that Winter Song

I felt it just the same

Before I turned to autumn leaves

Before my bones, they turned to dust

Summer is associated with social outings
Ice cream and heat
Yet winter holds all of the ice we would need
The warmth of our cuddled flesh
Is no match for July at mid-day
Many a life is created during long, blustery nights
Celebrated when the sun is at it's peak
I cannot help but despise February's numb
Although it is in that distance from feeling where I hurt the most
I thought living in a land without much change would cure
I was wrong
The last breath of your snow
*Follows wherever I go

I feel like a *****.
I say a lot of really unforgivably cruel things
To myself
All day
Everyday
It's been years since I have spent a day
Not muttering insults at myself
But they are all true.
I can't decide if truth or kindness should win when it comes to hurting myself emotionally.

HELP AN OSTRICH ATTACKED ME WITH GLUE
NOW I'M AN ADHESIVE SLOTH

Green the day, that moves in waves
of gentle blowing winds your way
sweet you slept, caressed
on mossy laden ground
silent ripples on blue lily pond
I, a singing bird of sun
that calls to you in the middle of a dream
hearts, water lilies - opening
adrift in the middle of a song
we, two singing birds
of only love

sick to my stomach, I wonder the point
not fame or success, neither wealth nor repute
mine—that which I seek
is why

a build to ******
then simply abrupt end
destined to wither and fade—
to die
all this
just for that

man once boy, felt fear
keeping youth at bay
"You're too young to worry, my dear."
mother would say
though from pit, I knew my day drew near

growing in stature, the dark still so bold
if I am so young, why
do I feel so,
so old?
so focused my despair
I emulate that which I dread—
the dead

to sit and ponder
moments slipping
life's force dripping
mood always sombre
by fear my life I waste
fretting ever, twilight oppression
relinquishing life's foretaste

a mustard seed grown to mountain
nocturne's anguish fountain
so dark
a threat to own soul
if love be an answer
its inevitable loss
an even worse decanter

I seek to sooth the sting of death
have I found You?
are You listening?

I knew when I walked away in shame
That your world was far away from mine.
Ever so gently she uttered the name
That belonged to my prince divine.
When suddenly I was granted the delight
of being your heart's dark beauty
my body was yours through the long lonely night,
And contented, I gave my wings to thee.
You enjoyed the magic of this broken fairy,
though most of it had been taken.
But yet in all the light, we hadn't been wary
Of the sickness that would soon awaken.
It's precious to me, this golden pixie dust
That I keep locked beneath my wings.
They've ravaged my body, dismembered my trust
To silence the song that it sings.
Who was I to ask you to protect my little box
When you have a treasure trove fit for a king?
Instead I'll stare as you sail away from the docks,
and listen to your ship's bell ring.
I heard its shriek from far away
when I plummeted from the sky
T'is the song it sings to bring you home today
The day I can no longer fly.
Content I will be when I think of my prince
indulging in all his treasures
I must remain here and guard my frail box
pathetic to her trove beyond measure.
it was only but a fantasy, a foolish girl's naiveté,
to think I could share your world.
To think I could deprive you of what you most crave from me
But expect you to guard this pearl.
Thus is the life of a pixie like me,
When I live by self protection.
There will be no knight to guard the gold that they seek,
Only I can create my perfection.