the first step to recovery
is not admitting you have a problem
**it's admitting you need help

The biggest lie a human has ever told themselves
**it's all gonna be alright

i am valuable
i am strong
i am smart
i am amazing

but i am also

worthless
weak
stupid
mediocre

a few weeks ago
my friend wrote a poem
telling the word she was leaving
saying goodbye to everybody
telling us to stop grieving

each and every poem she wrote
was about her giving up
but all you decided to do
was scroll up

this poem
is for the 32 people
who didn't say a word
this poem is for those who thought
"there's someone she has to talk to"

this poem is for the members of the "it's just a poem club"
she actually tried to commit suicide
yet you hide
behind your screen and think
everything is just fine
not one comment on a poem
not one single
"you're worth something"
not one single "just hold on"
not one single "just keep hoping"
not one single "just be strong"

scrolling through her every inner tear
scrolling through the midnight madness
wishing somebody was there
and those who say nothing to anything like that
watch when it happens to you and someone else has to
get back the broken hours

scroll through life and say alright
stop at love look at it like a dove
scroll through pain and it's just the same as
being the pills they thought of with shame

not one comment on a poem that says goodbye
but everybody stops there day **when somebody says hi

“When people stop writing, it’s one of two things - they are either really ******* happy or broken beyond repair.”*

You have made me both of these - guess which one I am?

He's only 11 and he says he's psychotic.
He says that nobody likes him, but he's okay with that.
He probably plays in his yard alone,
doesn't have anyone to talk to on the phone.
I see cuts on his wrist, visible proof of the risk.
He uses his ADHD as an excuse, one can observe he's hiding the abuse.
He's excluded from everything, he wants to die
but he needs to spread his wings and fly!
Instead he takes the other's opinions to heart,
tearing his body slowly apart...

every day i go into my mirror, **** in my stomach and pretend i'm a professional dancer, then i realize i'm too overweight.

i care too much about everything

i wish i could commit suicide, then i get sad when i find something to live for

there's something deep behind everything i say

i can't stand complements

i don't ever say i have bulimia, because it sounds like a disease, i am bulimic i didn't catch bulimia

the reason i don't like compliments is because i don't think i deserve them

another thing is i don't see the point in praising a being on not being human (long story)

i don't trust people just because they're human
most people think there is a deep reason
i just don't

i don't like when people think there is something deep to something that is just simple

i hate when everybody believes a lie i told and thinks too much of the truth (they don't even know the lie was a lie, they just do it)

i might be the only person in the world who never has deep moments while it rains

i choreograph better than i dance

everybody loves my singing voice yet i hate it

i wish nobody existed but animals so they could live in peace

i wish i lived in an abusive home so i could stop being in between.

I'm not okay,
And that's okay
Because with You,
My future's safe.

I wrote my way out of the dark pages of my life.
I know what it's like to see your life hanging by a thread;
scraping your skin with your fingernails to stop yourself from crying;
weaving scars on your skin to get some high out of life.

Smiling on the outside, but tearing up on the inside.
I've been there,
disguising last rites as declarations of love;
holding out for that one guy for some unjust reason.
I was once told I was beautiful on the inside,
I used to scoff at that thought.
I couldn't be beautiful,
my metaphorical skin was sewed and patched, ruined and defiled
and there was nothing beautiful about that.
It took me a while to see that beauty for myself.
I was once that one girl sitting in corner at midnight
contemplating suicide over family tiffs, unrequited love, loss, loneliness, and every other
stuff that I couldn't deal with.
I can't look at my left wrist
without feeling some sort of disgust because of the tallies of pain
I left behind.

I had this habit of saying 'I'm always good' whenever asked
but I got tired of seeing illusions as reality,
I was tired of escaping my own life. I was not okay and I needed help.

I wish somebody had told me
this sooner:

MELANCHOLY IS NOT TRENDY, DEPRESSION IS NOT COOL,
CUTTING IS NOT A FASHION STATEMENT
SADNESS IS NOT ATTRACTIVE

It's actually sad that we,
teenagers,
advertise sadness as if it's something to be proud of.  

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
YOU DON'T NEED VALIDATION FROM PEOPLE
DON'T LET HIM TELL YOU HE LIKES YOU BETTER WHEN YOU'RE BROKEN.
NO, SCARS DO NOT MAKE YOU ATTRACTIVE
SOME SCARS AREN'T WORTH HAVING
CRAZY IS NOT ****
**** IS NOT ALWAYS ****** SHEDDING A FEW KILOS WON'T MAKE HIM LIKE YOU ANY MORE THAN HE DOES
UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HEAL --words I wish I'd  heard sooner

You are not broken beyond repair

YOU ARE A PHOENIX,
A PHOENIX MUST BURN TO EMERGE.

as birds fly
across the sky
i remember how i used to fly
taking the air by the reins and riding it to the sunset

as i took you in my hand
and on my arm you flew beside me
braking barriers

and as the blood driped
i remembered how much i loved the smell of roses
but more so
i loved the touch of a thorn

on the floor in my bedroom
with nothing but my blood
and your wispers saying
"give me more"

explaining to me why i'm worthless without you
what else to do but believe it?

but i was caught in time to realize
this should not have been the end
so goodbye to my hollow bird
i can never fly again

Dont get upset you dont know the real me
I dont know her either