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 Dec 2015
v V v
Mother tried to be a decent mother
in the weeks ahead of Christmas.
she’d fill the month with Advent calendars,
finger countdowns and splotchy
un-successful attempts to create a
joyful face with lipstick.

In hindsight maybe the weight
of her guilt was especially heavy during
the one month of the year that God
could not be ignored.

Its different now.
God is no longer privy to X-mas,
and guilt is not an appropriate emotion
to be taught to children.  

I was more afraid
of mother during Christmas
than at any other time of the year,
all that fake smiling and brittle kindness,
her strings could snap at any moment,
and you knew they would
you just didn’t know when,
or how, or on who.

“It always snows at Christmas!”
mother said as she reached
out my bedroom window to
gather a handful of fresh powder.
She’d bring it in to show me
and I’d wince and cringe because
her movements were  erratic
and unpredictable
like a puppet on strings, her
arms swinging wildly
from side to side,
knees jerking up and down
across the floor
she’d always end up
spilling snow on my bed.

I think the snow helped numb
what it was that she hid,
helped her hide behind
that painted wooden smile,
if only for a little while.

My memories of snow
are quite vivid.
  
I’d shovel snow into
tall piles, taller than I stood
then build tunnels
to the other side.
I jumped off of rooftops
into huge snowdrifts
and come up with
sleeves full of snow.
My friends and I would
latch onto bumpers of
slow moving cars
and “skeech” through
the neighborhood,
or careen down toboggan
runs on our feet,
face planting
at the bottom where
the ice gave way
to fresh snow.

When I turned 16
we’d hide Old Style Beer
in snow drifts,
build ice forts in the forest
and spin donuts in
St. Mary’s parking lot with
open beers in our laps
and never get caught.

As I see it now
all of these things
helped ease the
burden of confusion
with my mother’s
dis- interested
wooden puppet
smiling,

but her guilt ridden
attempts at
Christmas niceties
were never going
to be enough
to keep me from
becoming
dysfunctional.

You see its all about the snow.  
A life embraced by snow.

snow cut into lines,
Encapsulated snow,
spoon melted snow,

any kind of snow
to numb the extremities
and freeze the nerve endings,

a temporary escape from
the Christmas gift
of mother’s guilt.
 Dec 2015
Poetic T
Katie spoke,

"Hi sorry about that"

Don't worry you were only dead for  
Wait for it,"3 minutes 15 seconds,
Well it was good to see this worked,
She smiled and walked off,
But then paused.

"Did you see anything while there??

"I saw only memories of my past,

Kate spoke with tone,

"Do you believe in second chances"

Tears cradling on the cold metal below
"Yes,
"Please,
".......
As she sliced silently upon his throat
I know one will have what I need,
Answers to my question?
I will show those that pass and come back.
I have the power of
Life,
Death,
Rebirth
Is that which I yearn to know, what happened,
What I saw when I let everything  go.
But they took me, now I live again.
I must find the truth,
They will speak the authenticity I seek.

Days past as screaming echoes cling to  the halls
Of this place. Only the wind can carry these
Echoes never heard, just a reproduction
That has fallen silent so many times.

Moments past, looking as the prior acts are replayed in
The temptation that this time will bear fruit
Even though poisoned. A sliver of hollow
life is ****** upon a breast of silent stillness.

"Come on,
"Why cant  they not grasp the importance,

Breath came back to the empty shell, life ebbed
Slowly back as if fearful of what awaited its rebirth.
Looking on with impatience,
The walls were uninviting for first sight as life
Awoke and eyes focused on her.

"Hi I'm Katie,

She smiled as if nothing wrong had been done,
As if a first meet and greet, a tear fell silent.

"Well I thought for a moment you weren't bothered,
"You know about living,
"What was it you....

"Why did you do that,

"Do what,

"You killed me,
"Why bother bringing me back,

No one had spoken to her in that tone before?

"Fine then you ungrateful........,

And the heart defibrillator to the left of her,
She ****** it on her chest

"Clear,

Katie waited a few minutes, then decided
To once again stab her again,
Moments past, coughing, choking on
Restored life. Convulsing then silence

"For gods sakes, I am losing my patience with you,

As she felt her throat, thumb and finger pressing down,
She could feel a pulse, this was a first to have killed one.
To have brought them back not once but twice.
She thought carefully and decided to let her rest.

"Rise and shine darling,
"Now we have shown who is in control,

Don't worry you were only dead for  
Wait for it,"2 minutes 32 seconds,
Well it was good to see this worked,
She had never brought some one back twice.

"I have a question,

"My chest hurts,
"What did you do,

" I stabbed you twice, don't look so shocked,
"It brought you back didn't I,

Silence was caught unaware as neither did
Speak, just uncomfortable  looks.
She tried to get up,
But both her arms and legs both shackled.
Katie regained her composure.

"Did you see anything?

"What kind of question is that,
"I saw many things,

"Tell me I need to know,

As puzzled looks on the woman as to what she
Meant, but ideas where swirling inside.

"What's what I saw worth,

"You don't even know what I want,
"Well if you **** me again you'll never no,

Frustration gathered its pace on Katie's face.
She slammed the door and another creaked
As if old and rarely opened. All that was heard
Was a shallow thudding, followed by screams
Of dismay then a final thud and silence once
Again spoke in the room.

"Look what you made me do,
"That poor man,

Her face awash with tears of blood dripping
On her now polluted garments. She wiped one
Cascading stream and showed it on her finger.

"Do you know what this is, life,
"Now it is but an echo a shade of death,

She stared in disbelief at her words had hastened
The demise of another life. Her head shaking unable
To conceive the mentality behind such an act.
Realizing her time was of fewer moments than
She had thought, she spoke with less bite.

"You want to know what is beyond the veil,
"Why?

Katie was silent I told one before you then she
Silent, and she will evermore be.
I was taken from that place, I died but
Was brought back. They took me away,
Now it has burnt away a picture
Of ash unseen but I know its still there.

"I'm sorry you were at peace,

"This is now my hell,

Talking was not on Katie's mind,
Either they saw what was etched in ash
Or they would sing the song of death.
Silence was her gift to them to envision
What she had seen in the moments between
The light and darkness, life and death.

"You wish to know what I saw,
"Only in experiencing deaths moment....,

"You want me to die,
"Is this a joke of a desperate soul,

Sweat beaded on her brow, no you wish to
Know what I saw mere words are
Like stars in the heavens many but so distant apart.

"I will be next to you,
No ******* shall you feel,

Katie looked with distrust in her eye.
Could she trust this person that
She had killed not once but twice?

"Any deception and I will end you,
Third time isn't the luck one this time,

She looked at Katie with thought.
Katie was in random mode, eyes
Where neither here or there. She walked out
The room and she waited was she moments
From her death, panic ensued till.......

"Ok lets do this, I need to know,

Katie unhooked her *******,

"I'll know if anything is wrong,

"If what you wish to see is granted am I free?

She thinks, restraints are now loosened,
As she stands only one is locked under key.

"Why this?
"You think I trust someone I killed more than once?

Louise under trembling fingers injected slowly.
Katie's pulse flat lined,
"..................................,
She counted in her head, three minutes past,
And with hesitant fingers she stabbed Katie in the chest.

No pulse? No key? she started CPR
One,
Two,
Breath
She wasn't moving she repeated
Then breath gasped at life, Katie?

"What did you do to me,

Hours passed she knelt on the floor
Wondering if this was her fate to be joined
With the one that murdered her twice,
But brought her back in a twisted thank you.

"Wake the hell up,

"No reason to shout you moody vegetable,

"What?
"Did you see what was needed,

"Yes and more,
"Three minutes you were dead,

Katie passed the key, I'll never forget what
You did for me. As Louise undid her handcuffs,
Katie smiled as if she knew what was next.

"How many times have you died Katie?

"Including this time it'll be a third tim....

The sharp corner of the cuffs lacerated on
Katie's neck as blood ejected onto her
She calmly walked away and sighed.

"I hope your in hell,
"No light for you for what you were about to do,
"For what you did to me,

She opened the door limping on weakened muscles.
Freedom she thought as she opened it. A long
Corridor opened dimly lit she shuffled onwards.
What seemed like ages a door greeted her.

"If your reading this I am dead,
"I only wanted what was taken from me,
"Each of you were their saving a life,
"Each of you paid the price,
"You gave me a second breath,
"I didn't ask you took my peace from me,
"Love eternally Katie x x x x

Louise shuddered, what waited on the other side.
She opened it slowly,
Then tears ran down her dusty features.

"You took me from heaven,
"Welcome to hell,

Louise stared laughing then screaming
Her nails scrapping against brick.
Bleeding she ran down the
Now failing lights dimmer than before.
Opening doors bodies in decomposed manners,
How long had it been?
She opened the cell next to hers,

"O my god, O my god,

Toby lay their silent his features caved in.
Each door opened a fellow college, a fellow ER
Employee now silent. Thinking back over the years
Faces recognized no longer at the hospital.
Moved on, quit all were here?
The lights flickered them enveloped in nothing
As eyes now blind to everything.

"Katie I hate you,

She remembered her now, a suicide with a

Do not resuscitate notice.

But we were doctors, nurses it was our job
To save every life that we can.

Louise screamed as she crawled on the floor,
Hell isn't bright its eternal darkness.
And she was in it till her last breath now.
now
 Dec 2015
Poetic T
Party was at 6pm? I'll fashionably late 6:03pm
So many faces I stare into them and see falsehoods.

"Punch,
"I would like nothing more.

My mind wonders as I envision my blooded palm,
Hearing screams in senseless abandonment.

I pause and take a glass, here I say in forced smiles.

"Hi Matt,
"Hi Angie,

Each given a bottle,

"Sorry I don't drink alcohol?
"No worries here's some bottled punch,

I watch each in their greed anesthetizes my mind.
And I smile, and I breath, what a wonderful day
Tomorrow will bring.

"You ok Lucy?
"I don't feel so good,

"Can I tell you a secret?
"Yes,
"I poisoned each bottle that you all drank,

Like a dead flower she folds in front of me.
Devine terror as I sit drinking my water, legs folded
I give a little wave, slightly camp some could say.
*And then there is silence.
Division is the tool to try
when all you want is fear.
They relish that we're paranoid,
and thrive upon our tears.

Hoping we'll turn our anger out
and rise in arms to strike
at those whom we can hate and doubt
at those we don't look like.

It fuels those who would aim for more,
those whose scruples are unjust,
those who seek a favoured war,
with trepidation and broken trust.

Mislead and swindling Holy writ,
coercing faith to poisons tool.
With hope from those so full of ****
must gain endearment from the fool.

Whatever your religion be
don't let them speak in your name
cause then the light we'll never see
and they will win their game.
The devil can cite scripture for his own purpose.
“William Shakespeare” The Merchant of Venice.

Dec 15th 2015
© Copyright Christopher K Bayliss 2014
 Dec 2015
Poetic T
I was in the throws of slumbers wakening my eyes
yearned for that moment of total tranquillity.

But pennies dropped in to my vacant pools as each
Rippled on the Edges of my eyes sleep gathered on
each corner and I once again blinked into endless
Whirlpools of thought that asked the same question

"Why can I not sleep,

I played with the shadows that played like children
In a sandpit but this wasn't the sandman's dust, no
It was the sand that gets in every crack. Washing it
Out of those place that need closing but always a grain
Irritating that place that never quite closes complete.

"I know I'll count sheep,

"What shall I get them to jump over?
"How many is too little, to much to count in sleep,

"One sheep.
"Two sheep,
"Three sheep,

Why was that one black? it looked at me with intent.
It wanders around my thoughts eating on the grass
Of my sleep deprived fears.

"Baaahhh,
"Baaahhh,
"Listen to me,

What the hell is going on, an imaginary sheep in  
Onyx wool is talking to me?

"Slumber is death and I will keep you from it,

"I need this sleep to recharge batteries gone cold,

I think for a moment is this sycosis of not dreaming
Of eyes on full beam. Even though the bulb extinguished
Three hours before but I see the light in front of me.

This lamb chop of thought, this claustrophobic intent
It blankets my eyes. Yet my eyes see all that flickers
In nights shroud of eternal awakening.

"Stop you noise, of hooves echoing in my eyes,

"Why not let me rest like the dead in peace,

It jumps once again faster, louder till like thunder
Clapping and the light is darkness keeping me awake.
I scream at nothing, at everything then I sit silent.

"Hello an good morning and welcome,
" Its your 7AM wake up tune of the day,

I jolt backwards in confused glare, I'm a deer in
Headlights of obscured thought?
What the? all a dream of ill winds confusion. I gather
Myself and rehearse the  night and find that this was
But a nightmare gleam, I think out loudly a music
Sings in a background of thought.

"One sheep.
"Two sheep,
"Three sheep,

Ill never let you in my dream, I'll count myself lucky
If I  never count those counting sheep ever again in
A psychedelic sleep deprived theme.
 Dec 2015
Poetic T
She stood at the gravestone a shard petal
Fell cutting upon the air. It littered the floor
With tears of wine, falling and spilled on the
Found staining the memory below. She gripped
Upon its stem in a hardened stance of tears.

Her cowl draped over her soft hair in the
Scattered winds it flowed and from her
Grief did vengeance flourish. shadows
Granted form trod upon the ground.
Beauty in darkness bled upon the land.

Hooves trebled on odours that were seeping
Scent bleeding a trail on the land below.
There onyx alicorn cut into the wind tasting
The vengeance that would bleed upon there
Moment of satisfaction as shadow feed cold.

Hooves were separated, as the hunted greeted
Foe, shadows were separated and in to mist
They seeped back to the cloak. Fibres torn
From the impact and bled darkness on all
It graced upon. She felt each of there pains.

One still galloped on, ever seething in connected
Grief of its fallen parts now concentrated in its
Raging torrent of remorse. Each that had fallen its
Location bleed into the sky showing each the
Position of vengeances handle well grasped.

Rapid breath did concentrate on a veil of
Misted wisps as in site that which felled the
Love of one in shadows trawl. Now as blade
Swung for a third strike hardened by fallen
Before it glided on concentrated form.

Majestic beauty seethed in onyx fought for
What was owed in blood. It  needed to be fed
Upon its quivering movement, not sullen as
Before, for each learned from the fallen before
Swifter and fluid motion formed and flowed forth.

Her main was cleaved into oblivion as wisps
Drifted off. Hooves took on to flesh and connected
In true form. blood urged to be released as lips
Gestured forth and expelled raindrops of pain
On self and the watching earth silent below.

It clipped with its etched alicorn flesh tight
And willing to be cut upon, as tears of life
Draped ever faster she was called to this
Calling to venture into the known finishing.
In elegance she edged slowly forth unto him.

I was in a beat of another draped in essence of
Loves grip. You stole the heart that held mine
And it fell shattered into dust. I claim the right
Of loves vengeance on that which was taken
Now entombed  in eternal stones grasp.

As the last steed faded into recollection and
Joined her cowl now whole. Its horn now
A knife of blood rose thorns ready to drink.
He went to venture words but her finger
Silenced anything seeping forth.

"Love was my light and you extinguished it,

"Now darkness collects it dues on that death,

She plummeted it into his chest and it drank, as
A husk knelt before her then dust graced the
Gentle wind and she stood alone once again.

"My love as yours was stilled,

"Now they do not breath breathe,

And she hilted her dagger and once again
Stood over the stone that held silent thoughts,
And a heart that still beat but not of life anymore.
inspired by this piece
http://ap-pics2.gotpoem.com/ap-pics/contest/2659/348.jpg?unicorns.jpg
 Dec 2015
ROBERT W KODAMA
my mind is racing
my steps retracing
the stars i'm chasing
all lead back to start
START

Heart is aching
mind needs baking
all leads back to start
need the wind
to feed me again
bring me back to
start
i got to ride
to look inside
i gotta take the time
to find the line
bring me back to
start
i'm gonna run the race
enjoy the pace
bring me back to
start
outta time
lost my mind
one more time
look inside
feel my pain
know my name
get me back to
START
win this time
its gonna be my last time
get me back to
start
lost it all
at the end of the hall
rubber room
bouncing my ball
someone make me
STOP.
 Dec 2015
Louis Brown
As a boy I whistled in the dark
Walking by those tall tombstones
When I'd glance at that old graveyard
Frigid air would freeze my bones
As a man I've never been that scared
Till I saw your closet bare
I felt like that boy at midnight
Seeking courage with a prayer

I'm whistling by the tombstones again
Since I hurt you and you left me
I can feel that icy wind
I'll never make it through
Tomorrows without you
I'm whistling by the tombstones again

In my mind I miss your pretty face
And my backbone feels a chill
I tremble like that lonesome boy
Passing cemetery hill
If you don't come back it's darker
Than those graveyard fantasies
Cause it's just a grim tomorrow
Unless your dreams including me

So please don't say that little fuss
Could end our fairytale
All my life I'd be whistling down
Life's long long lonesome trail

I'm whistling by the tombstones again
Since I hurt you and you left me
I can feel that icy wind
I'll never make it through
Tomorrows without you
I'm whistling by the tombstones again


Copyright Louis Brown
 Nov 2015
Poetic T
I ride the sandpaper
                  Slide to hell.
My flesh slowly
                 Exfoliates upon the
Surroundings like snow.

I try to hold on
                      To the sides but
Ground glass meets
                        A thousand paper cuts
Meet my every reach.

                            Every thought I
Have burns eroding within,
                                   My mind decaying
Like tears I reach
                    The culmination of a
Slide to Damnation.

Flesh withers on my frame,
I am but a single thought
Regret
          Regret
                    Regret,
Is my punishment
           In this cage
Of my own doing.

                     I look into
The tattered remnant
                           Of my soul
           And only see snow
                                                Falling Into a
            Bleak pool of nothing.
 Nov 2015
Poetic T
Books of word in shaded writes not as other
Reading was penned. where wrote but black
Pages of nothing, words claustrophobic in tight
Proximity but never viewed on sights unseen
In either dusk or light. Gathered upon nameless
Shelves, dust gathered where words left unspoken.

Many fought the paradox of never reading these
Pages that pulsated In mystical thought.This library
Of books with neither word, but pages took the
Lives of many never a mark. But now their bones
Lie in waiting anticipation, now eyes hollow of
Needed words only grasping torn parchment.

Along she came silken gloves, garbs that cut upon
Fine curves, she walked with a look of cautious pleasure
As if  seeing but knowing what was beyond her sight.
Her only companion was a stick old yet shimmered
In a mirage of confusions light. For after she was beyond
Glares, her memory an afterimage upon others cares.

She had heard of this place of pages as dark as night,
Heeded upon thoughts of countless others who had
Pilgrimaged to this place, all faded from memories
Sight. "I wonder if a book can be read in darkness,
She sighed; and she came across this Old redwood
Door, in a redwood trunk as it stretched upon high.

Old door was neither of key or grip. She stood patiently
As rain shivered bones as night turned to day.
Thinking of how a door would be opened, Then a
Thought smiled upon her lips."Knock, Knock,
And that which was closed now let her in. The air
Smelt of old paper and the air was static and sweet.

She gathered her surroundings and where wood
Had greeted her, now there was but a view of the
Plentiful forest that stood outside. She reunited her
Thoughts of consumed panic and breathed.
Her stick she grasped and in words whispered, it
Shrunk to but a branch in griped tightly in her hand.

Noticing those that had stumbled or sneaked in this place.
Each a book or page in white closed palms, they were
Silent but told her stories of there fate. each page black
As if night had set upon them and sleep was like sinking
Sand drowning never to ever awake.

Once again words spoke upon a branch and light did  like
Firefly playing against this enlightened place. She scrolled
On pages of onyx black and where once a void of nothing
Her light gained access to the darkest palace and words
Shone in echo's of time. Bestowed on this beauty was
The key to words unspoken now glanced upon in sight.

"I will learn your words,
"Never revealing what others might,

The library now hidden, but a tree can be found in
This wood, and on certain nights fireflies dance around
It and play in moonlit fun. All the while a woman
Looks after words that heed great power. But in
The hands of light, words dance upon air into the night.
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