It’s fresh I thought,
Too red to be old.
Someday it will fade,
soon maybe.
It will turn pink.
I try not to stare but,
it’s as if some invisible magnetic force
is pulling my eyes towards it.
Does he know I’m staring?
It makes me uncomfortable,
I slowly sit down.
look into my tea, at the wall behind him
look at my hands.
“how was your day?” he asks.
He has no idea I see it.
I start to shake.
I know what he did,
what he’s been doing.
How do I ask?
Do we get help now?
It’s not healthy I think,
to just ignore the problem.
“It was fine.” I say
The lipstick perched on his collar.
The same way his hands were perched on her *******,
Maybe only an hour ago.
All I see is red.
Someday it will fade,
a mere smudge.
Nobody else will see it,
But I know, like a scar,
the mark will always remain.

I stepped out into a hurricane,
let the wind and rain
touch me, push me,
lead me and whip me.

I try to wash away the pain.
As I sink my feet into the mud,
I look to the sky,
to the Father
and take comfort
in the fact that He breaks things too.

It was part of His plan,
I lie.
I had to destroy you,
gnash my teeth and rip apart your soul,
point my finger and smite your innocent heart.

I left you empty,
unable, with all the languages of love,
to express the hurt, betrayal and shame.
That thing beating in your chest,
it's beat a constant reminder of me.

They way I beat your virtue out,
beat my body against yours,
beat the drum of life.

But even the greatest heroes have regrets.
Even David committed his sins.
I destroyed you,
so you could be reborn.

I stepped outside in a hurricane,
and let the wind and rain
hurt me.
But nothing can amount
to what I put you through.