Laugh
if you lose the game
among the spectators in the open!

laugh
if you fail to catch a falling star
when there is only gloom in the sky!

laugh
if a piece of apple slip from your hands
and then nothing is left for your belly!

laugh
if meet with a mishap
as you are on the road for an evening walk!

laugh
if coins stop clanking in your pockets
and your children don't leave your fingers!

laugh
if your wife is not contented with her dress
to charm the guests at a beautiful ball!

laugh
for you are alone
and others will jeer at you if you grimace!

laugh
for life is a pool of sadness
and balance it with laughter!

Sometimes you feel
like a violent earthquake
lodged inside this tiny space
you passionately refer to as
-
the opening being a tissue paper flower
so delicately framing
the dark, endless center
(if you probed deep enough
you'd find
my heart beating
in patient rhythms
waiting upside down
beneath my left breast)
Sometimes I'm afraid
you'll get stuck in there
somewhere
and I'll have to call my mother
scream into the phone "How
do I get it out of me?" She'd
probably laugh
then break the connection
(if you searched long enough
you'd find
a broken chain
of paper dolls with minds
full of passion and miracles)
Sometimes you'll ask
brave lover of mine
if it was as good for me
as it was for you
did the oceans roar
the trees sway, the heavens sigh
you look into that space between
ask if I felt the earth move
(if you dreamed hard enough
you'd find
me alone in this room
in this bed you built
trembling beneath you)

Today would have been a year for us.
After we parted
I asked you
if you would remember.
You had no idea what day it would be.
It never mattered to you
because every day we were together
was just as important.
It still bothered me though
because a year is a long time.
We didn't make it to here
because I had to go.
I still love you.
Happy would be one year.

I know I shouldn't turn to you for anything,
but my dear I need to ask these of you.
You are a garden.
Please, please
Don’t liter it with self doubt and cigarettes.
Do these things for yourself, at my request.
Do not settle for someone who doesn't deserve you.
Love yourself, first.
Love whole heartedly.
Remember how much you matter.
Realize how loved you are.
Recognize your brilliant mind.
Use it and go to school.
Learn, learn, learn.
Be brave no matter how scary it is.
Don’t lose faith in people.
Learn to distance yourself.
Learn to grow toward something.
Eat a vegetable once in a while.
Hydration is key.
Develop a healthy sleeping pattern.
Learn to talk to others about your problems.
Don’t bottle everything up.
Learn to ask for and accept help when you need it.
Don’t be reckless.
Think before you act.
Think before you speak.
Don’t brood.
Count the stars when you get sad.
Take time to center yourself.
Learn to accept when you're wrong.
Take pride in your accomplishments
even if no one tells you how proud they are,
remember I am always proud of you
even from 2000 miles away.
Get as far away from the toxic place you call home as possible.
Avoid confrontations.
Don’t ever drink and drive.
Eat less fast food.
Give your all into everything you do.
Take every failure as a lesson to do better in the future,
Don’t ever get into hard drugs.
Spend time outside.
Travel.
Stop being so picky with your food.
Try new things.
Respect your mother.
Forgive your father.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive me for leaving you there.
Please as an old lover and a friend I beg these of you.
I never meant to leave you there.
I am so sorry.
I love you so much, still.
I never meant to leave you like that.
Please forgive me.
Please love yourself.
Please love again.
Please move on from me with ease.
I am having a more difficult time doing that even though
I was the one who ran away from it all.
Please be brave for me.

It's quiet now.
The crabtree slumped and it's shadow staggered across the broken dirt and cement that now seem mute in his years as a man.
Beaten down by the world.
Only a young boy paid any mind.
He once tried to eat the fruit it had to offer.
It was so sour and angry he spit the pulp to the ground.
He liked this.
The way it's **** flesh dried his taste buds like sidewalk chalk.

I used to believe in happily ever after,
I thought falling in love would be forever.
I used to believe love was an emotion,
that would naturally lead to actions.

I didn't know that love,
was not just about emotions,
and actions, but determination.

I didn't know that love,
was not just having a companion,
receiving and giving affirmation,
but also commitment.

I didn't know that taking things slow,
and being cautious in the relationship,
was a form of love and protection.

I thought taking things fast meant passion
and that he was deeper in love.
I didn't take it for what it was,
immaturity, rashness,
and a lack of self control.

I believed him when he said he liked me
before he really got to know me.
But he really liked me more knowing me less.
And when he knew me more, he liked me less.

He didn't like me, he liked perfection.
He liked me out of ignorance.
Ignorance of how I was flawed.  
Imperfect.
Just as he was.

And now I know,
that true love isn't meant to be perfect,
but true love is demonstrated,
in the ability to love imperfection,
as if it were perfect.

In fine feather now ,feeling no pain
my darkness appeased as I sit in the rain
I stumble about through the alleys and yards
though my eyes through this trickery
have me wandering tall grasses
on my old family farm
sun on my face ,breeze at my back
as a lovers warm breath
whispering "Come home ,my love"
soon I answer
then as soon as she came
she was gone once again
so I'll keep sitting here
waiting for her
her warm breath on my neck
the sun in her hair

and the end of this cold lonely rain

the forest floor is my bedroom

and for the brief moments  before the sun has woke

the forest is my sanctuary

my mind is silent

my heart full

and for those moments

I stop questioning

I stop processing

I am alive in the preset moment alone

I am free to just exist

and ****

how good it feels to just exist.