My heart aches for you,
Wish you could see through me how much I miss you

is dying.
I am tired of failing yet constantly trying.
It is not just self-realization anymore,
but a friend's comment, in half my confidence tore.
She said she never imagined I would end up this way,
little does she know I am begging my sanity and health to stay,
Instead, life is having its own way,
Me fighting for normalcy, yet my already stamped fate almost does not sway.
Take the painfully sweet escape and jump into the sea
And extinguish the light within me

Black and white,
Try as you might,
Entwined,
The heart, body, soul and mind,
A humble boy and a sharp tongued girl albeit with a warm heart,
Their personalities were a world apart,
Found balance for over two and a half years,
A love so pure and true despite the occasionally shed tears,
Walking precariously along a tight rope,
filled with dreams and hope,
Alas!
Her sharp tongue was what finally snapped the rope in half!
Filled with regret and undying love
They'll forever carry those sweet memories and always pray for each others well-being to the one above.

In a world where I need love,
Almost every person hides behind these elusive clouds,
And so every cigarette puff calms me down - temporarily,
Every drink drowns my sorrows - temporarily,
Every drag of a joint helps me escape - temporarily,
Every snort of ******* gives me a rush - temporarily,
My compulsive need to meet people to not feel so lonely - temporarily,
Almost every ****** encounter a vain attempt to fill a void,
All these medications failing to shut out these voices,
Don't you see I wasn't meant to be this way?
I look strong, unaffected by anything, such a rebel,
But it has been everyone of you that stripped down the confidence off me,
I'm slipping and people can see,
Yet there's no one willing to save me.
At the crossroads of death and insanity,
Hopefully, temporarily?

You pop up in my mind in almost every song I hear,
Yearning for you to be near,
or replaying the best memories of us that lay in the past,
Somehow, our love was not destined to last.

Was it really love I ask,
or was it just heartbreak that had cleverly put on a mask?
Because every time I reach out to you,
You slip amidst the shadows of your new life cut off from our love that I thought to be true,
But am I or you to blame?
Maybe it was me, because I finally put an end to our back and forth game.

The magical potion that once momentarily erased my pain,
has come to collect its dues,
Desperately trying to scratch out of a body that refuses to acknowledge you're going insane
I lay tormented with nightmares,trembling hands, hallucinations, nausea and fear in all its hues,
Fully aware that I will be trapped not knowing the difference between reality and imagination again,
Yet somehow I convince myself that one more night of alcohol is what I could use

I've treated my body like nothing but just flesh
When really, it has of its own a mind and a soul so warm
Bruised, torn apart, self abused, cut and treated like trash
Pleasure for some or me in need of some self-harm,
I trace each scar along my body over and over
So deserving of this torture
I can feel the agonising pain
All this blood is beginning to leave a huge red stain

My feelings for you resonate in the rainy skies today,
A storm of emotions that threaten an outburst beyond my control,
And like every rain that falls upon this earth,
I let out my deep anguished cries but for a while,
Until its time to stop and let the sun shine and pretend to the world I'm fine instead.

I binge eat on all possible junk food,
It inexplicably elevates my mood,
Now trapped by people ceaselessly commenting on my increasing weight,
Does anyone else feel like they are putting food in a body they now absolutely hate?
I can’t stop.