i don't know how to explain it to you
this white skin is a canvas and i want to make it red
the trails of scarlet trailing down my skin,
the gouges in my skin, the crevices
they comfort me
when i see the canyons in my flesh
the hatred is eased and my mind is easier to please
there's a voice in my head that bays for my blood
and a gurgle in my heart that wants to swallow my life
me i bargain with the devil:
the body still lives but it will be broken
and he nods and lets me go and i am free
when the knife comes out and i drag it across my skin
my heart slowly starts to ease
the pain the confusion the frustration
the agony of being awake and aware in this head
it all becomes so much easier when there's some comfort i can see
it cannot **** me it heals with time
pink white faded lines across my shoulders
feel so comfortable and familiar when i'm gone
and my hands start floating away from my wrists
and there's a space in my head where my mind should be
i can't feel my body where is my body
what time is it where am i what was i doing why was i trying
to feel the scabs rocky and hard
i think clearer feel better know more soar higher
when the monster calls and i feel the itch in my fingers
i will do it again and self medicate
to cure the agony in my soul
and my breath will ease out into a relieved sigh
every part of me will cry for this bliss

The light inside is broken but I'm still working
the moments of hurting seems to come and go
like a tide built from an undertow of anguish.
I let anger be my language and the bandage
only manages to grow in size.
In retrospect I should have expected less
I'm blessed that I found this sort of emotion
in an ocean of human sensation, I've taken
enough of what is to be learned.
Bearing another day felt almost impossible
as colossal losses shall feel and in tragedy
happening I found something else I want
a haunted thought that maybe I'm okay,
maybe just the slight; I am okay.
I would have been more okay in your arms,
but I am convincing myself that I am okay,
and like a torrent of despair, you shared
heartache into my soul.

The heart inside is broken, but I'm still working;
I remind myself it doesn't worsen
but in moments, I'm fervently certain I'm wrong.

I'll wait for tomorrow, and the day after;
til laugh seeps my soul, for then I will know
that the glowing light I've been expecting;
will be switched back on.

I will wait till I can learn to love again,
next time it won't be in the arms of pretence.
I will love her as I love wielding a pen
and fighting my inner turmoils.
I will love her as though she is my world
a world unknown to me before.
I will love her like a crimson moon
overlooking the riverside.
I will love her as I have loved you
but only more.
I will love her with complete radiance,
and build on my patience, for her.
I will love her like the complex things in life,
meant to be understood and studied.
I will love her as if we shall perish in waters;
and with a breath, I will lift her life like a balloon,
and shall that be the last kiss we ever share;
I will bear the pain of letting her know-
I have only ever held her in my heart.

I will love her as I will adore roses, not to wilt
but to instil the most of joy as I could.
I would love her as if she was a gem in my life,
unknown to opened eyes that she is sparkling.
I know I will love her,
and that is a promise of honest care
that shares paths with the joyous moments.
I know I will love her, because I know
she will love me too.

I could not ignore
anymore
the voices inside my head
who calls my name
and things they said

They target my insecurities
they show me pity
They know where it hurts more
and these voices , they echo
and it becomes , too much to endure

They feed on my sadness
they do love to make me feel less
They whisper in my ears
with high conviction
Things that no one should hear

These voices , they do not go out
they know everything about
each secret , all regrets
and keep reminding me again and again
every second , without giving me rest

what is life but want
a line that embodies a whisper
fine as a strand of silk,
just as fragile

we crush, we stamp
we wreak detruction
but we also think we love
and we cherish

but is love love when you want more
more till they break
till they hate
till its over

what is enough

love we spoil by demanding more
eager to feed our rapacious mouths and our craving minds
always greedy, begging for more
insatiable
more
merely for us
what we get slips between the cracks
falling below our flaws
so that we are hindered, caged, by our own souls
and when this is devoured
we justify searching for more
desiring the exceptional

life oozes opportunity
it pours like the rain,
drips like condensation

and yet we stand
mouths gaping open, hands grabbing
how long will we stand before grasping a hand, an opportunity, a mouthful
how long,
how long do we stay yearning

our cold lives will never be full
our voracious bodies can never be blessed by satisfaction

we want to know
we want to love
love the one
love life
love ourselves

what we really long for is time

a clock strikes
the revalation that we possessed the world weighs heavy
hanging precipitously but it is not to be shaken off
it is a chain
a prison
forged of gluttonous greed,
regrattable malancholy,
gloom

what is this life but want  
and who should care
for your bleeding, your suffering, your tears
but those of whom you demanded the world
they were the world
now ravaged irreparably by our want

and now we sit,
wanting for all of time
until the end

humanity is hated by humanity

                                                                             -k.g.

You lay bruises,
Across my broken skin,
You let me fall to the ground,
You shoved self doubt in.

The dust and dirt,
Is where you dropped me,
Yet you still refuse to go,
Refuse to let me be.

You scattered words on me,
The bitter, sour words,
As if the broken bones could hurt more,
The thought is just absurd.

The sky is right above,
But the ground is all I can reach,
If only there was a ladder,
To heaven from the beach.

The horizon is just one line,
One line I cannot cross,
The climb is just impossible,
For someone who’s life is loss.

I’m shackled to solid earth,
With chains of iron and stone,
No matter how much hammering,
I’m trapped here, alone.

I’m finding a way to smash them,
To crack the hard harsh chains,
How can I stand up right,
If like a hungry dog trails pain?

I’m not going to climb,
Over horizon to the sky,
I’m not going to jump over,
I am going to fly.