Loquacious and Lascivious, a most distracting combination
You’ve driven me, pitch black, headlights off,
into twisted metal heaps of distraction

And yet, it is not me, at least not me alone
There is a sense, from where I know not,
that these thoughts I think are not mine own
That by some impossibility an interloper
has managed to tap in to my frequency
And subjugate my better self in favor of foreign imprints,
dark and ******, dripping blood that spells my name

How is it that you have arrived,
or perhaps the better question is
how long have you been here
How many moons has it been
like a spider creeps
that my thoughts have not been from myself conceived

Claws dug in from where do you perch,
fishing with ****** bait until you find the strain that draws me in
Infects me wherein I add combustion to your dégagé,
and seek out satisfaction dark and base
at which point your needle ******
you  mainline the light from my veins
while I am lost in pull and ******

I really must commend you for such a charade
that has been for so long captivating,
adding darkness where light would grow

But we must now part ways, for I am tired of this game,
and have matters of importance that do not include a blooming rose,
flush with blood from a thorny bush that you have sewn

Adieu, I pray that you find no safe landing
inside the gentle mind of your next victim
though you have known me more intimately than most I’ve known
You know me not at all

i find solace
in life's finality.
fragile as porcelain,
prone to shatter
in this bull
in a China shop
existence.
eventually,
all our suffering
will slip
from the memories
of those who
outlast us.
thank ****,
everything ends.

And if I make it til tomorrow, I'll let you knock me down to size. I'll stop this ugly petty show. I won't ask you to empathize.

And if tomorrow comes for me, I won't be so self absorbed, I'll do more for you and them, I won't leave you so ignored.

And if I make it til tomorrow, I'll tell my Dad it's not his fault. I'll take the blame for my side of things, I'll be more grateful for what he brought.

And if tomorrow comes for me, I'll fight the urge to rediscover what that needle's all about, I'll leave that up to another.

(and I won't have to write that note apologizing to my mother.)

And if I make it til tomorrow, I'll take the time to treat you right. I'll back off when you are tired, I'll back you up in the fight.

But today is no good, there's nothing left, I'm all alone. I burned each bridge back to life, I've blocked the route to hope and love. So, so long, goodbye tomorrow, I wont be there if you come. Tonight, I'm here, freeing you, as I become a setting sun. Just like that stupid song that was sang by Neil Young.

Sideways comments,
subtle degradations of character
masked as jest,
knowing the sliver of truth
that reveals one's thinking,
convenient forgetfulness
meant to pull me lower,
but it won't.

No.

Questioning motives as
I keep my plans,
my moves,
to myself
for fear they will set in
motion more copycats.
I see you all.

Hands reaching from their own
drowning depths to pull
me back under
into the place I
barely escaped from
as it is,
but I won't.

No. I will never return.

I will go further than most of you dare.
I am not afraid
of progress or
your negativity,
it only fuels the fire.

Applying these concepts to everything,
so I must wonder,
what it is she wants
from me?
Friendship, companionship,
words,
I have for free.
These she has from me already.

Though I have no reason
to suspect otherwise,
strategic paranoia
dictates I must
wonder.

She was like a cup of coffee.
A plain, black, cup of coffee.
She kept the world awake.

Her personality was warm,
But she had a bitter aftertaste.

sharp knives
of alien family systems
cut my emotions
to pieces
and hang them
on hooks inside of me
to rot.

The sun can't make up for
Missing body heat
My maple leaf was torn
Cold spike was driven deep.
Sticky sap flows from me
My soul has been tapped
My sweetest flavors flowing
Won't ever get them back
Strands of shared pleasure
Wrapping around your hands
Connections with no measure
Getting messy wasn't the plan,
But you penetrated my bark
Seeking this supple blood
Bliss for your starving tongue
Left me empty now that you're gone.