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 Apr 2017
hsc
Brush my love over your open wounds.
I'm sorry for being so quiet. I had a LOT going on, not that its over, but yeah, emotion is often overwhelming. Anyway, please forgive me for the disappearance. Hope you all are well!
 Apr 2017
hsc
Eventually all these
Negative things will pile up and
She'll lose her mind.
She has nothing to live for.
So why doesn't she cry?

They hate her and probably wish they never had her.
She's sorry.
She's sorry for it all.

If she ended her life right now,
Neither of them would even shed a tear.
For all their sadness, grief and unhappiness,
Would be gone...
Dead;
Killed.

At her own hand.
And she'd regret it not.
For now, at least, she can be at peace.
She CAN be loved and she will.

And there, at least,
She won't be thinking suicidal thoughts.
I wrote this the 31st October, sorry for the late upload, just been very busy. This poem was an actual description of how I felt that day
 Apr 2017
hsc
I'm so sorry for disappointing you. I know you've always relied on me to make you proud and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't. I'm so sorry for embarrassing you in front of your friends and our family. I'll try and be more polite. I'm so sorry for keeping to myself. I'm so sorry for being how I am & for always being sad and unhappy. I'm so sorry for not being perfect. I'm so sorry I don't do everything that you ask. I'm so sorry that I cry a lot. I'm so sorry that I can't talk to you. I'm so sorry that you won't understand. I'm so sorry that I'm not the child you wanted, I know he wanted a son instead. I'm so sorry that I'm here, I didn't ask to be. I'm so sorry that I wish I could disappear just to make it easier for everyone else. I'm so sorry that I'm such a horrible person and that everyone I come into contact with, ends up not liking me in the end. I'm so sorry that I end up losing all my friends. I'm sorry that I have an attitude problem. I'm sorry that I have a short temper. I'm so sorry that I make it impossible to have a conversation with me without me being rude or sarcastic. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for having to be sorry.
#done
 Apr 2017
hsc
I don't know
Whether I love you,
Or just the idea of you.

I don't know
If the sun will still shine
Two days from now.

I don't know
How I do this
Every day.

I don't know
I think I do
But I don't.

I don't know
If I'll wake up
Tomorrow. Will I?

I don't know
If I will ever see you smile again
Will I?

I don't know
What would happen
If tomorrow never came.

I don't know
What I'm doing
But its got to do
With your name.

I don't know
If I do.
But I do
I do love you.
Pls give feed back. Just thought and typed .. Excuse all errors or nonsensical verses please !
 Apr 2017
hsc
When I was born,
It was the happiest day of my life
Well I don't know, but I'm sure it was.
I looked at you,
Into your eyes,
And somehow I knew you were my mother.

As I got older, our bond grew stronger.
As I got older, we almost reached perfection.
And as I got older, we argued more and spoke less.
But in the meantime I knew;
For me, you only wanted the best.

I thought,
"So be it,
She's my mum,
She knows me better than anyone."

Years went by,
We started speaking more again.
We bonded again, just like the start...
But now? Now we were stronger than ever.

A few years ago, in a hospital room
When I was born,
Crying and kicking,
Smiling and laughing
Yes, I know your muscles were tight.

But the day I was born, I looked at you for the first time
And close up I witnessed love at first sight.
 Apr 2017
siba
I am no wave thing
No Moses basketed, noosed to the hip of an ocean,
born to be carried away by the tide thing
I'm not a thing that dips and dives and dies under this rubble and salt and sky
Not under these ******,
and sea lions
who charter their unlicensed vessels on my intimate things,
with no caution or care
they trail and leave their spills there
But i'm no wave thing
I'm not a thing who whips and crashes at the break of the wind
or the pull of the sky,
not created that cycle of fall and rise and fall and rise,
where the depths and heights you reach don’t even move you
Don’t even change you no more
or ever
How you look like yesterday's tears and damp and fog
and still cling to the dry and parched of things
How you baptise their bodies and their mouths
and get nothing more
than yourself back
in different form.
Cannot be that blind a thing,
that pushed to move to nowhere and everywhere at the same time
and back thing
and blue thing
and black to reflect the moods of the sky thing,
a neat mess of a thing
huddled to look the same as
and cling to everything else you were created next to forever thing,
void of choice, helpless,
yet so full of strength
and potential if you could escape thing  
inanimate and life at the same time thing,
a slave of creation thing.
Just a wave thing.
I will never be just a wave thing.
 Apr 2017
siba
I hold you.
Tender, tentative, trembling,
thing of beauty in the palm of my pen.
Exhausted from flight,
you lie in perfect trust here
Your breath still,
mine held,
it takes you in.
Your heart,
a cathedral of all I’ve needed in oblivion,
the kind of holy my hands hold only to break.
I am of human.
My members are manned.
They know only the chase for things,
even after they’ve found them.
They are of effort and proof, of reason and time,
they know better than to count on anything other than themselves.
They will not hold on long enough for this love.

I’m afraid its been a minute of you
and a lifetime of my heart,
a black cavern of half-truths and blue lies.
It has turned hollow by evasion,
a grid of tears lines the insides,
a reflection of your kind
in the eye of its memory
it is empty,
and oddly heavy at the same time.

You’re breathing still,
each breath a stub of lead anchored in my chest,
a cog-wheel,
rolling a heart-beat and a breath out of me.
I’ve held it as long as I could.
I breathe you awake.
Your eyes are raw
and red
and longing.
Your heart rushes at the heat of my humanity
Aware, I suppose of how easily it lets me breaks things.
Its been a minute of you.
Now a looming memory
Exhausted,
you return to flight.
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
I want to wake up on my tummy with the sunrise
and your kisses down my back
I want the memory to replace the one
where his leaving implied I lacked
I want your fingers trailing through my senses
erasing his fingers off my skin
I need you to be relentless lover,
whatever your name,
you are here to build Mexico city on top of atlantis
and I can't afford for you to fail
I need you to be so very brave,
to evade our monsters to be lust's slave
I'm sure you're eyes are green
but all I see is piercing blue,
and while you kiss me I feel his lips on me too
lover you are losing this battle
between my heart and my head
I'll be sending you along soon
so I can be restless alone in my empty bed
Replacing blue with what ever your name is
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
My list of goodbyes for this year
Have been extensive and excruciating

I've lost more than I've gained

Every goodbye was difficult
Tearing at the hem of my humanity
My sanity

I've lost more than I've gained

I feel so much older and harder
Yet none the wiser
Just More broken

I feel I like I've lost

Every goodbye is etched into the crevice
Of my ever in creasing in stone hardening heart

And yet it weeps
for what it refuses to let go

Ive lost
To caramel and bunny, my two beloved cats. You are missed more than you know.
To my favourite car, Josephine,  the memories will live on, even though you don't.  To my sister, I pray every for change.  To my ex, I pray for you for everything. To my temporary dwelling, I wish you felt like home...  Right now I can't pray for me...
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
These will not be pretty poems
I have run out of ways
To paint this catastrophe
In any way other than what it is
All I have left is what is left
And none of that is pretty
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
I look for you in places
You are not
In my heart
On my phone
In my bed
In the line when God gave
Strength and courage to man

I find you in unnecessary places
On permanent ink on my wrist
In the permanent scars of what is left
Of my heart.
All the places I can't hide from
There you are and all it does
Is make me want to look
For you less
For H.
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
You throw excuses around
Like confetti
Your angry words
Shred my tender heart
Your temper and your silence
Tears me apart
Through out your violent
Song and dance
All you could've said
Was you wanted out
And I would've understood
That you are just a boy
Who no longer wants
to be
With me
H.
 Apr 2017
lucy winters
I burn bridges
I watch in the rear view mirror
embers and the remnants fade away
I like closure and closed chapters

I wanted to destroy ours
So completely
That there never was a bridge
Pointless waste
you always still
Seem to find your way
back
To me

Even now I can feel you drifting

I overgrow pathways with thorns
hide the signs
switch off the lights
leave the post on the porch
let the dust settle

Still you end up at my door
Baggage in hand
spark in your lazy eye
I never leave you in the cold
God's knows I want to

You follow me to the kitchen
Where I start on the new bomb
While you build the new bridge
I aim to blow

Our cycle is consistent
Your leaving is exhausting
My heart break is on rewind
There's comfort in repetition
But where is the love
H.
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