Love knocks on my door
And I invite him in
Because I like how he smells
But now that he's here
I don't know what to feed it
Love has never been here before

You have no right
To prophet propaganda
About my life.
Underneath all of this
I loved you once.
Don't pretend you don't remember
Love had a life here
Between our fingertips
And words unspoken
A holy grail of light lived
Between the echoes of my sheets
And the hollow of each of my hearts skipped beats as you turned to leave
While I miss watching my world in your eyes
Miss watching you build universes while watching me
While I can now never look Into blue eyes the same without shivering deep inside where you so easily found my darkest hiding places
You still have no right

On the other side
Of this genocide
I count too many empty bottles
Each a name inked
At the bottom
A ghost I tried to drown
A piece of me I didn't want to be
A memory I wanted to slice from the reel
A life I tried to make not my own
All the empty bottles brought
Was a graveyard of more things
I'd rather not have

A box filled with secrets
Shackled to my feet
Gets dragged around
Everywhere with me
Invisible ink
Ethes the words
Again and again
In the form
Of so many things
A knowing look
A turn of phrase
From a private book
Between the silence
Of this second
And the next
One foot firmly
In no man's land
I stand holding
My breath
Boundaries invisibly set
And yet
So clearly defined
I have no right
To stake a claim
And yet
I am owned

I want to dance in this holiness
Steady myself in your embrace

I want to pin this moment
In the warmth of your stare

I want to bask in your silence
And grow memories of Sundays

You said it would've worked
If we started things
The right way

Baby for things like this
There is no right way
Only a whispered
"I wished you would've stayed"

Now I know new year's
Is about new beginnings
But as the sun rose
I found myself
Missing you
Drinking old whiskey
Listening to our old songs
Hearing the old promises
Your voice in my ear
Your hands on my skin

I went to bed alone on this new day
Not looking ahead to new beginnings
But With my hand holding yours
in the past

I don't dwell on the past.
I don't miss things long gone.
But you always felt like home.
Home was where I wanted to be
Home felt like a good place to start
A new year.

I hope this year I will find my hand to hold
I hope I don't miss you when I do.
I hope you don't miss me.