It's been a hell of a year
All I remember is the cold
Sleeping on the floor
In your empty house

Walking your empty hallways
Talking to your empty walls
To your empty heart
Drunk on regrets

I wasn't enough to save you
I wasn't anything more
Than the girl
Who slept in your house
On the floor

Alone in your cold

I stand in front of
The closed door
I have been here before

I have been cold on your floor
I have been lied to
Deceived
Stolen from

My world turned
Upside down
On the premise
Of your promises
Your lies

I am angry
I stand breathing fire
Hands balled into fists
I am ready to colour
This fight into a war

But you are a coward
You run and hide
You do not fight
You do not defend

You are coward
A poor skilled shooter
Useless to the end.
You are nothing

Nothing I want to
Paint with my anger
And regret
If only you were worthy

Anger
Sit on my
Fingers tips
Waiting
To touch you

You
Are not
A man
Not god
Coward
Liar
Remembered

Slow dancing in my satin slip
To John Lee ****** songs
By candle light and slow rising steam
From the nearby tub
Tipsy from the red wine
In a good glass dangling from my hand
the thoughts of you swirling
Through my already hazy mind
Your gaze caressing
My slow moving limbs
Igniting me from the inside upwards
Anticipation thrills

You made me feel tonight

I get distracted by little things
It looks like I’m hunting love
I know I want Love
But then I get distracted by simple momentary things
I know who I am supposed to ask out on a date
But, seems easier to ask someone else
Because I’m too scared to fall for that person
And get “we’re just friends” as a response.
“Hey I love you why you telling me your dramas about the guys you like but end up lying and hurting you?”
I think
But I never say
I just listen
“Don’t be fooled” I say
“I won’t” she says
Weeks later she telling me the same old stories
“Try me”
I think
But I never say
“What if she is telling me to ask her to be mine? What is she thinking?”
I think to myself
Gosh, I wish I wasn’t too scared to lose you as a friend
I wish you knew I mean it when I say I missed you every time I see you after two, four or eight months
I wish you were mine
Just mine
I fantasize about the things we could be doing if we were together
Then I remember what we had
Were we too fast?
Was it a perfect thing on a bad time?
I don’t know, but
I loved every little moment
I told her she’s one of the best things that ever happened in my life
I meant it
When did we **** this up?
When did we become just friends?
Am I in love?
How can I win her back?

(to be continued)

I'm trying to save you.
why are you holding back?
what is it that you're scared of?
why have you stopped begging for life?
is this how it's going to be now?
are you about isolation now?
you give me life.
I can't lose you.
just not now.
give me your hand and let me help you.
you're my forever, forever.
don't put out the fire inside of us
I still flame for you

I had learned to live without him,
but that sunday afternoon was too heartbreaking
my only hero, had left me.
how was I to carry on? was it going to be easy? no.
but there was nothing that could be done
I was never at ease..
shattered, my soul pureed to me in a milkshake of melancholy
but I carried on
and im still standing strong today
I moved on, and it was the only thing for me to do..

I thought I had everything I wanted,
actually I did had everything,
but everything was nothing.
I wanted to be just an average girl, but
my dreams were too much for me to be average, even I, myself felt too burden by everything happening around me.
everyone thinks you're having it easy
until you're one cigarette away from drying, only then do people
see you're human too.

I was almost free, but you, you
denied me everything. I wish
it was easy to explain why I was never at
ease, maybe the bitterness had
gotten the better of me. I had
never imagined it would be this hard
we hope for for the best always, but
we lose a part of ourselves
while trying to make it,
and almost living

Maybe being hesitant to vulnerability ruined me
maybe keeping to myself makes it more easier
because only then I feel at ease with myself,
and maybe a little content
I used to want to do this to run away,
*** away from all the hurt
because the hurt was like poison

There is something about the beauty of a woman,
it shines in the whites of her eyes,
and the pearls of her teeth,
it is in the melanin of her skin,
and the black of her hair,
it is in the warm browns,
midnight blacks,
and the pinkness of her hidden flesh,
it is in the smell of her skin,
and the natural pheromone scents,
There is something about the beauty of a black woman,
that keeps pulling me in...