If you would just talk to me
I have words
but
I don't think they're worth speaking
Poetically muted, I'm on pause
Take a breath
Take a second
It's fine
I'm fine
Just a normal response
to my love
Is to become
Discarded

When days are naught, the cycle repeats

I stare in the sky, into the deep blue sea

As I drown in memories of joy and pain, never do I regret in disgrace

I all alone stand in my outcast state

Awaiting for my next time to awake

And look upon myself and curse my fate

Please little pill
Help me not to feel
**** it where it starts
Right there in the heart
As sorrow gathers up and multiplies
Tears trickling, gone is my disguise
Please dear pill rush to my side
Let you chemicals be applied

Awww, feeling no pain
As the drugs tickles my brain
Maybe I'll live through today
But as for tomorrow who's to say

©Pauline Russell

there are too many Ifs in the world
If only I had made another choice
If I had thought that through
If they had stayed
If I looked different
If I could stop doing that
If and If and If and If

they fill my house
and my car
and where I work

I smell of Ifs
like the odor of cigarettes
on a life long chain smoker
the aroma of If emanates
from the cells of my body

we drown in Ifs

is If another way to ask why
without phrasing it
as a question

or is it an answer
to a question not asked
except in our
inmost places