******* nothing threatening to draw me close
hold me like the *** freak in his chest did
stroking my hair and cooing in my ear
dripping words as he puts his hand between my legs

ringed fingers gripping my neck
shoving away my frightened fingers
trying to break free
on the couch
he ruined my favorite movie as a child
taking my body from my control as it played in the background
a sick contrast

jesus reminding me what i am losing
in my mistakes
as i cling to the cross they crucify me on
the man that forces himself on me
a much bigger
more tangible one
than the god that told my father
it was okay
for him to come
stay

don't let it get you.
stop thinking about it.

i can't.
i can't.
i can't.

i'm so tired of talking about it to myself
thinking about it
laying my head on a pillow soaked with the frightening moments -
i want to be at peace.

he never loved me
i excused the abuse because i believed he loved me.

he never loved me.
i let it happen to me for no reason.

there is a difference
between two people in love
and
two lonely people who are together

i'm not going to say it like you say it
i'm not going to mean it like you mean it
you will say it more often
and i will say it because i have to...
i wanted to wait to say it when i felt it
for once
but you you tricked me
and i am
angry

you're going 60 and i'm going 30
i'm still trying to figure out how not to be a **** victim
i'm still trying to figure out how not to let it happen again
and now
you love me
and i
am
no longer in control

there once was a girl who broke promises like tea glasses. It wasn't hard, really. just a little too much heat, too much pressure. maybe she just didn't pay attention, until there were tea glasses shattered all over the floor.
     but one day the girl worried that someone would see all that broken glass and start to wonder, so she grabbed fistfuls of the mess and she swallowed it all down down down where no one could ever see. and the jagged shards tore at her insides, shredded her gut into ****** ribbons, bedazzled her stomach lining like stars.
     the girl smiled and bled and broke more promises and swallowed and swallowed and swallowed. until one day those pretty tea glass promises ripped her open and everyone could see her mistakes spill out of her as she bled out on the floor.

My english teacher says
You **** at writing

My math teacher says
You're gonna fail

My history teacher says
Go to sleep

My science teacher says
Just get out

Yet they still want me to learn
*How am I supposed to do that?

She sat cupping a mug
Of cold coffee
Counting the hours
Till he would come back.

She wished she could confront him

She knew of the *****
He kept visiting
And yearned to be more
Desirable and loving
Twisting  her
Sterling Silver wedding
Ring

if she could please him enough then he would stop going to that pimps house for love,

When he came back; One AM
All ruffled and drunk
She plastered on a Hollywood grin
Whilst taking off his
Perfume scented coat.

the coat that she had marked and claimed him in

And as he took her that night
In her best Victoria's Secret
She tried her best to pleasure him
In every way she knew
As she loved him so strongly

surely she was enough for him;his one and only?

In her eyes he deserved  the best
For he was her Jack and she  his Rose
And thus she prepared herself
For more  heartache
Seeing another date
made with her
On his mobile calendar

*No matter how hard she tried or how much she loved him she'd never be good enough for him,

pain killer after pain killer.

oh baby girl, you know better than that.

pain killer after pain killer.

*oh baby girl, you know the sadness never dies out.