My heart is so big
But I would have to pack it with bubble wrap with how much you care
To fill the emptiness
The plastic cuts will hurt
But it's worth it to have something of you with me
Like a sweatshirt for my heart

I need you. These I forgot
As you turned your back on me
And slowly drifted away

I love you. These I disowned
As you broke my heart
With your last goodbye

I miss you**. These I displaced
As I knew you were gone
And not coming back

Everyday she walks alone
Keeping her head bowed down
But she knows she's a princess
With an imaginary crown

One day she met a boy
She thought whom was the one
Made her promises of forever
Asked for everything but none

But colors fade away
So did her perfect guy
He found someone 'better'
Left without any 'goodbye'

Now her heart was broken
She walks alone again
Left with nothing but memories
Of a boy she loved back then.


© Leigh Herondale  *January 2015

What's the good in falling in love
When in the end
All you get is a jaded heart,
A cut in the wrist,
An empty pocket.

I know it's hard to believe,
But I've never fallen into love.
No really, I've never fallen.
It's always been more like
Drowning.

While others gently dive in,
Barely disturbing the surface,
And then relax as they calmly float in their warm bath of emotion.
I cannonball.
To the bottom.
And as love is dispersed all over the other patrons, disturbing their peaceful swims.
I force my face to the surface.
Gasping, pleading.
For another breath.
Then as if i am grabbed by the ankle,
My head goes under again,
My fingers grasp at anything,
Hoping, praying.
That something solid might materialize at their tips,
I continue this pattern of bob and flail.
Never finding a rhythm.
Disturbing those floating near by.
Until the thought comes to mind,
As I receive stares from others
Who pass judgment on me through their piercing pupils,
"Maybe I'm doing this wrong?"

i'll tell you that if i start crying
i won't be able to stop
because the salt that pours from my sunken eyes
reminds me too much of the river
where i used to spend my afternoons dipping my toes into the water
and i'll say to you that if i sit alone
for even a second
i'll start recalling memories
putting puzzle pieces back
that i thought would never fit
i'll yell at you and say that
i want to go
and look out at the barren dessert beneath
my small feet
and i'll ask you to tell me not to wear that
because it reminds me too much
of when i wore it all too often
the night i arrived
the night i left
i'll say to you
don't let me read that
because i'll internally die
from something you didn't know could **** you
i'll notify you that i desire something
a wish an untold fortune
lastly, i'll do anything for you
because i want to go home
and when i do...
i'll never come back.

Hungry for love, I was so hungry for love.
I am festering from my own greed, ravenous love.
Poor guy, he was a victim to this love hungry savage.
I attacked him with my love, pushed him so far away.
I’m not meant to be loved, no not meant for anybody.
He loved me, he actually loved me.
Yet I did not know how to love him back.
I wish he understood, and I wish I could have told him.
I’m not meant to be loved, NO ,should not be loved by him.
Stupid girl, so very stupid girl, and girl you are very much stupid.
Stepped all over his heart, unworthy of his love, so ungrateful.
My past hurt leaked into my present, unwanted, not wanted.
I felt like he was going to hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, I’m hurt.
I’m not meant to be loved, no not meant to be loved by any.
I am loves enemy, oh how love hates my bitter soul, my cold heart.
Let me in, I wont let love in, it knocks its knocking, I slam I slam.
Love wants to **** me, but I’m already dead, and now love buries me.
Here I lay; I’ve lost a heart, that beating muscle which enables me to breathe.
I gave him my heart, yet it lacked love, he didn’t feel, he didn’t know it beats.
I’m not meant to be loved, no no no not meant to be loved at all.
I love him, oh God how I love him, like you love us God.
But how do I love him, how do I show, how can I show?
I had, I have a Purple undeveloped, bloodless, loveless heart.
He pumped his blood into me; he drowned me in his love.
I tried to pump back, only a leak, over the years it drained out.
So what’s left for him, what did he get, a heart that’s dehydrated.
I’m not meant to be loved; no not meant because of me.
Here I am, sick with agony, dripping in pain.
Too late, its too late, how he hates me, me he hates, he hates.
How he tried, hard he tried, tried to fix a broken glass and got cut.
He’s bleeding now, I want to stop his pain, but the more I touch the more he bleeds.
I didn’t mean to God, I pray take his pain away, let him forget me.
Take the love he has for me out of his heart, let him drop mine, just leave it on the floor.
Let the herd demolish it completely this time so I cannot feel anymore hurt.
I never should have allowed him to grow near, but I loved him more than me.
I thought I was showing my love, I really tried, oh how I tried.
I’m not meant to be loved; I never was, never meant to be loved.
Never meant to be loved by anybody, never meant to be loved by him.
I'm not meant to be loved by you!

My heart is beating.......
NO, I'm not alive at all!