Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 Oct 2021
Katie
I lost this game long ago.
I lost the moment I considered it such.
Your heart was far too pure.
It matters not if I have to endure
Seeing her smile raise you so.
My words were a crutch.

You were always here,
and you always will be.
I hate that that's not enough.
My love is unrefined, far too rough
to lighten the sun and make skies clear.
I'm far too blind to see.

Love is hard, but beautiful.
My heart is blackened, wrong.
I love you too much to make you
Suffer all the pain I'd put you through.
She's kind, loving, dutiful,
enough for everlong.
Part 2
Written a short time later.
 Oct 2021
Katie
You don't know it,
You can't know it,
I never said a word.
How could I?
The borders of our friendship,
Though the thought makes me cry;
Too blurred.

But why her not me?
But why this not me?
I wanted to be here
Within you;
To nestle deep into your heart
and love you your life through,
Without fear.

Why couldn't it be?
Why shouldn't it be?
Years, months, weeks, days,
Eternity.
You've always been here and yet
I'm selfish with pity.
My type betrays.
Part 1
I wrote this recently. Never got around to posting it.
 Oct 2021
Katie
Here's to the ******* who'd ruin my life
Who's filled every moment of existence with strife
I'm sorry I'm not the child you wanted me to be
Sorry I couldn't live the way you wanted to see
Though that wouldn't be enough, would it?
If I was straight, cis, sporty and ****?
You wouldn't give a **** about me
Cause I still couldn't make your life so easy and free
You never wanted a child, just an excuse
To abandon the family that'd worn out it's use
They hate me too, but I can't really blame them
Their hate stems from this monster of men
As we celebrate I bolster the thought
Of when I can drop you in a hole and leave you to rot
Because maybe then I can be who I am
Without your input that my life is a sham
And maybe then, when you can't speak a word
Maybe then I can finally be assured
That my life really matters
Because you won't be there to tear every aspect of my being and every hope that I've had for life and love and family to tatters
 Oct 2021
Katie
How did it come to be
Parapets upon walls atop a fort of stone
Encased, deep, in the heart of hate
And cold
Cold
Cold
It's all that remains here
Common sense and mere
Logic betrayed by worthless fear
Of an enemy that would not rear
It's head again, for eternity.

If they can forgive
Why can't we?
7
 Oct 2021
Katie
Woolen caps and puffy coats
The crowd yet further bloats
On and on and another one yet
Totaling an ever higher net
No room to breathe here
Claustrophobia
Rising
Rising
A thousand thousand men
A ***** glare too often
A single crimson strand
Hidden in the most common brand
Alone
Alone
Forever
 Oct 2021
Katie
Phone battery is draining
Outside the shelter it's raining
The wildlife flocks inside
The knots in my stomach still tied
At the college I've been since one
Become a baker to make a good bun
'Twas the cause of my visit
Yet I felt my arrival illicit
My mind stopped ticking long ago
But of talent I must make a show
Nerves, nerves, stretched and taut
My breath in my chest caught
In the release, it's over, you're here
Within the shelter, nothing to fear
He struts in my view, old grey bird
One toe, two toes, but no third
The beauty of life lives on yet
And pain is good, it teaches to let
Bygones be bygones, favors are good
Even bullies don't want to be left in the mud
But then he leaves me, walking away
As my bus arrives with no delay
 Oct 2021
Katie
I find myself lost within thoughts of your smile,
Though such a thing is still lost to me.
You have form in my mind, but no feature.
 Oct 2021
Katie
Before me I see
A thousand broken mirrors
Each cracked like the last
Lying about the past
Trysts between sinners
And who I'm supposed to be

What is the real me?
This glass embedded with us
Severing, severing, my mind chaste
The fragments of instance long past
The fears and needs inside us
And none of it is free

In shards of glass, bend my knee
Drink the blood of a thousand dinners
Flowing down my leg, fast
With the revolution at my gate, amassed
Martyrs and sycophants and killers
All in all, one by one, wish to see



Which broken mirror reflects the truth
This poem is ****, but I feel like **** so hey **
 Oct 2021
Katie
Words clumping deep in my throat
The words we promised to write together
Lost out at sea among driftwood afloat
Upon the regrets of our severed tether
A single sentence or perhaps just a word
Makes that invisible line betwixt life
And the violent death delivered on a sword
That I delivered your heart on a bleeding knife
But to dwell on that need for forgiveness
Has silenced my voice and left me falling
Deep into the black that remains of our kiss
That held the severed ropes once mooring
The fleet of our souls aloft in a sky
Littered with lanterns and stars
And I can't help but let out a cry
To reach Venus, Mercury and Mars
That I live afloat our shining allegory
Everything I do

For our Winter Story
Leap into the future with a scream of feeling
 Oct 2021
Katie
How many years since
Since I saw your eyes gleam
You spoke clear, to mince
your words to cheerful themes.

A thousand generations
Brought your light to bear,
But going beyond it's station;
Age causes the mind to wear.

You wanted to stop.
I know you did.
I didn't want you to drop
Into the night so placid.

But now you're gone,
For a decade at last,
I hear your funeral was 'tres bon'
But I just wanted the past.

My father got mad
That my eyes were so dry,
My heart seeming glad,
But God I wish I could cry.

My heart was emptied
And my soul torn asunder,
And so my grief was muted;
One last final blunder.

It's been years upon years,
Since I grinded under your pestle.
To remember grief, I was told by my peers,
So now I'll remember you, my great grandma Ethel.
Sometimes it's the people you least expect who stay with you forever. I can only hope she's proud of me.
 Oct 2021
Katie
The thoughts of dark that plagued my mind,
That which turned me repulsive, unkind,
Have seeped away, what remains I find
To be comfort, warmth; I'm no longer blind.

I'd thrash about in the rain and the cold,
Hiding bitter hatred better left untold.
The stagnation spread through me as a cursed mold.
And alone in that alley I sullenly strolled.

But what's this? A bright light, too bright to see,
Shining it's purifying grace unto me.
The wonders of joy, untamed and free,
The haven amidst the grim, stormy sea.

It was there that I found them, the ones
Who had freed me from subconscious drones
Of no worth and pale hatred, once upon the thrones
That controlled what I was and made me throw stones.

I stretched out my hand, selfish, self-serving,
Yet they took me in, their kindness unnerving,
And I learned to smile bright, to forget all my moaning,
And finally saw the sun rise up on my turning.
Thankyou, all of you, for never giving up on me. I can only hope I can repay even a little of what you've done for me.
 Oct 2021
Katie
Disparate prose detailing horror and joy alike
Poetry written as I've sat at the turnpike
The emptiness of the lost mixed in
Amongst the colors of life and sin
Living my life through observer's eyes
Judging and hating my truths and lies
I see my contempt for my unlived life
Remember the light shone through my strife

It's in moments like these
When I remember your smile
When I can hear your laugh
When I can feel your hand in mine
I remember it all
I really miss you
 Oct 2021
Katie
It all feels so cold
The things that once brought me joy
Are all but barren

I have tried to cry
I've forgotten if I can
Does it even matter?

Things are better now
But they're also so much worse
I hate this heartache
I wish I could forget him. I wish I could go back and never meet him. I wish I didn't know how love felt. I wish I didn't long for it.
Next page