Chloe

Chloe Feb 8

ideation

Let’s keep it quiet
It’s not for everyone
That’s how I like it
Everyone else be ******
It’s like a puzzle
Only I have all the pieces
If all are equal
I’ll be undecided

If it gets any louder
And I can’t shut it off
I have all these moments
that I can’t live in
I’m suicidal
It always hurts so bad
But my hands are tied
I have to stay

#depression #anxiety #poetry #sad #poem

Chloe Feb 8

Untitled

Tuck me in under it,
I need security
But you can’t,
you can’t even get that close
to me
It was just a suggestion
I hear you, but it doesn’t feel so good
Well intentioned
If only you could carry it out
Don’t you love me?
Do you love me?
Mommy, mommy
Don’t you love me?

If you could only hear
everything in my mind
You could never see me
You hear most of it,
and that’s fine
It’s just suggestion
Maybe it doesn’t sound so good,
but it’s well intentioned
I’ve heard you say it
I need security
You’re so safe
And don’t you love me?
Do you love me?
Mommy, mommy
Don’t you love me?

Nothing to hide behind
I’ve given it all up
Somehow I speak my mind
You’re so close to me,
so secure,
and it feels good
Knowing what I need
and what I can never have
and that they’re the same ——
Please save me
Don’t you love me?
Do you love me?
Mommy, mommy
Don’t you love me?
Do you love me?
Mommy, mommy,
mommy,
mommy,
mommy

#family #love #abandonment #child #trauma #attachment

Jan 19

Emma

maNic epiSode bAd deCisions

boundless trust erupts,
naïve like a child’s bright gaze—
chaos whispers loud.

choices carved in haste,
fragile bridges left to burn—
echoes haunt the heart.

Although mania brings with it joy energy and hope it also comes with haste bad decisions. I tend to be too naive and unpredictable.

#manic #depressive #mentalhealth

Chloe Jan 19

alone with me

It’s no secret, my want
for someone to take care of me
without their back to the wall
of a sunk cost fallacy
Don’t let me be a burden -
if you don’t want to, then quit
I miss the way you loved me
when you were mostly lying

Be alone with me again,
like when we were friends
and the benefits were worth it -
naked but not always *******
You’re never a burden
My identity is erased
It’s hard to love you or anyone
when I have nothing for myself

Hopefully this is the last one and I’ll see everyone in a few months, I’m exhausted. Happy New Year.

#postpartum #depression #*** #trauma #recovery #support #family #love #marriage

Chloe Jan 18

Decisions

Feels like I’m split in half
Don’t have the energy
Made the wrong decisions
for all the right reasons
I can’t be loved
because of where I ended up

Never been great at free will
Only ever exercise it for a thrill
When it comes to hard decisions,
I’ll make them
The easy ones are always
easier said than done

Feels like I’m made of glass
Don’t know what to eat
but I know I need to
They say if you don’t feed ‘em
they won’t keep coming back
I’m not an animal, I have feelings

Never needed you,
I just want you
Only ever tried
once I’d given up
Now it’s all my fault,
all your responsibility
You’ve run me out of love

#love #decisions #feelings #depression #apathy

Chloe Jan 18

vow

When did it all get turned upside down?
I really shouldn't be here
Will I ever live this down?
Couldn't you’ve just imagined me here?

It was years ago
and I should have known
I remember you
I was sixteen years old... however many years ago
I think I should remember, too

You're on the back of my mind,
and then you're on my neck
Is all we lost
truly behind us?

It was years ago,
you left me in the cold,
but I remember you
I was sixteen years old,
and yet I should have known
Will I ever remember, too?

If you're my hero
why did you let me down?
You really shouldn't be here
If you're my hero
why was I on the ground?
You got what you wanted

You’re on the back of my mind
when they’re on my neck
All of this because
of a broken, silent promise

#trauma #****** #assault #memories #emotional #poem #poetry