I am prey to the unyielding Sun
here in this open field
void of shade
holding precious pieces
untouched for 140 years
200 acres of Virginia farmland beneath my feet
where bullets flew
where strong men screamed
and the soil looked as if it had rained blood
death can come quickly or painfully slow

A soldier rips the Eagle breastplate from his chest
and throws it to the ground where I am standing
and here in the sweltering heat
of a calm June afternoon
I pull it from its resting place
no longer shining
140 years removed
from the failing heart
beneath it

I remember you'd carry me on your shoulders
Watched as my clothes and smile got older,
I remember you held me in your arms,
To drive away the meaningless harm,
I remember cancer erasing your strength
And your hair became shortened in length.
I remember that my first word was your title,
Father,daddy,dad,pa like I was at a recital
But it was less Margaret Atwood, more shakespeare,
Because there was no happy ending to be had here.
I remember the way we wilfully fed the fishes,
But then I remember your back with all the stitches.
I remember you telling me you loved me in your final days,
But things that I've come to remember, are all but a haze
Because the things I believe I remember are stories
Told by mum, and I'll hold them to way past my forties,
Because I have nothing left of you except your DNA.
All the stories of us I've come to appreciate,
But...
What was a four year old really suppose to remember?
Is there really a Christmas miracle every December?
Come January, will I be able to walk any farther
As a man without ever knowing or having a father?

My love,
My lovely heart,
It's okay to feel broken,
It's okay.
Kensui my dear heart.
Kensui.

My love,
My lovely heart,
I know you're strong,
You are stronger than you think,
I know you are.
Kia Kaha my dear heart,
Kia Kaha

Be strong my lovely heart,
you are beautiful,
you have a lot of love,
you never know the real meaning of tired,
you never give up,
you are full of hope,
you will love them to eternity,
you, my heart, keep on beating,
keep on keeping me alive,
keep on the beautiful rhythm,
although sorrowfulness ambience interferes,
my heart, keep on playing the beautiful rhythms,
Akiramenaide my heart,
Akiramenai.

Oh my dear heart,
there are millions of mile of life to go through yet,
obstacles and hardship, those are the promises of God,
likewise pure bliss and eternal happiness, afterlife
we can't change that my dear heart, we can't,
but we can be strong,
Ganbatte my heart, Ganbatte.

"What?
What are these streaming down my cheeks?
Are... are these tears?"

Yes, today, I cried for the first time
The first time in years
I felt grief gnawing on my stomach
I felt hopelessness tighten my throat
My heart was ripped apart
I couldn't breathe

But why?
Why now?

I was pushed over the edge
As if all of my hidden demons
Suddenly wanted to come out and play
They heard my sighs being silenced
They knew my screams were hushed
They were the only ones to hear my cries for
Help.