~

5:37 am

5:37 am…the morning is silent,
eerily so that I can hear nothing
louder than I ever have before
Not a bird sings as the sun still sleeps
outside of this four walled solitude
Slowly drinking a cup of coffee,
wondering why I even exist

5:42 am…staring into the dark spaces
surrounding my mind like elastic memories
While I write these words
of absolutely no reason,
as if they will heal somehow, take the pain
scatter it upon horizons
that no longer have meaning

5:46 am…somehow I enjoy this silence
Seeing my shadow below,
head in hands on the surface of my desk,
painting charcoal pictures of loneliness,
listening to key strokes breaking the quiet,
hoping this faux ink erases the past,
yet I believe nothing can…5:51 am

do you ever just hurt for no reason? Not the type of hurting you get from falling on your knee. I'm talking about when your heart feels like ​it sank through your stomach and is falling out your bottom end. The type of pain you feel when you lose someone you love.. the type of pain you get when you realize that you and him will never work out, or when you never had him in the first place but your heart aches for him. Yeah it does hurt. You crave their touch, and want nothing more than to just talk to them for a few minutes. When you talk to them you feel like the rest of the world doesn't matter because they are just that important to you. You could not talk to them or see them in days, weeks, or even months and they could still be on your mind each and every single day. It's quite an empty feeling and nobody likes to feel it, however everyone seems to feel it at some point.

I am talking
At walls and mirrors

I have deleted
Your number

I am trying
To forget his name

I have been shutting
Everyone's existence out



This is how I need to be
This is what I need to do
I need to focus on what I have now

But
Work still does not get done
And I still cannot focus.






.

i am hallowed and hollow.
a divine being with
something to **** for.

trapped in a flesh cage
i am wild and furious
desperate to be freed.
desperate to be
        violent.

lightning struck me in my
angel childhood
left me with shattered wings
and electric human blood.
i am something in between.

i wish i could meet my match.
i wish i could fight him.
i wish i could win.

i am made of heaven and stardust.
of flesh and bone.
i am made of something inorgnanic,
something untouchable.
if you touch me,
you
will
burn.

Well, there.
I found it, shins
I found,
a huge place in the back of the head and locked in bed, maybe id
can only pinch with the residue residing
Swelling and spilling, the only true bad Smile.
The stem ringing and squealing
Swelling, kneeling
Afterwords, left and sizzle stigmad
Talk to your kids a lot. please!
Because handstand pushups only make
The thing competitive with no
Relatable taste
And movement from the vital stops
Which attracts the secret cops.
They're city veins.
Swollen, stolen.

08.08.14: I look in the mirror and I see the fingerprints seared into my skin. I see all the things you called
| beautiful |
and see them as
ugly
tainted
and defiled.
Because you built up an image of me I never could see, when you left it came crashing down even lower than before.
Now I hate words like:
"I'm sorry",
"I love you",  &
"I won't leave".
Because you did everything you said you wouldn't.
You weren't sorry—you're dating someone else.
You don't love me—you lust me.
You left.
And now I've got a void called my heart that's filled with shattered pieces after you bulldozed through my life.
Thanks for the poison memories and toxic dreams.