in another universe  
It's summer
Your laugh still sounds the same
and your smile is still contagious
Your favorite color is still orange
the smell of rain floods into the room
we are tangled up together
we share stories
You promise to be mine forever

in this universe
It's winter
a boy in my class has a laugh that reminds me of yours
I stopped sitting by him
I see your smile in your pictures with her
Remember when I told you my favorite color was purple?
It's not anymore  
I'm sure yours still isn't orange
It's cold all the time now
It doesn't smell like rain
I'm laying alone in the blanket you bought me
I didn't know forever only lasted 3 years

I can almost taste you in the back of my throat
Like it or not you are in every word that I wrote.
And. I'm tangled up inbetween the place of wanting you and wanting the best for myself
But I don't know what's best for myself
Just do what's best for yourself
To hell with my mental health
So it's late nights early mornings deflecting warnings with half assed poetry
Most people I know trigger me in some sense of the word
But in case you haven't heard
They're saying I've lost my mind trying to find the love I used to know in myself
back when I knew myself skinny *** kid in the denim shirt
Beaming back at you before I got hurt
back before I learned that the parts that you can't see are the ones that teach you to be
The ideas that we could be inside of reality without fully hating ourselves
And me I just wanted to be something more than the walls I was born into
More than the **** I got into with the kids who turned me into the monster I have become
It's the people we know not the places we're from that define us
And I'm on that ultra light beam
Out singing with the whole ******* team about another man's god dream
The scheme that gleamed in their eyes so mean just trying to find they're own way
And what I'm trying to say is that I want you but I know that it could take me down
And I'm not about to drown in another wasted year
In another ocean of my own tears
This isn't coming out of fears it's coming from the place in me that knows that I was made for more
That I am more than another girl's page from her diary
That I am more than what the people are saying about me
That I am more than what I intend or intended to be
I was blind but now I see
And this is all of me
Ultra light beam
A god dream
Everything.
So yeah I can almost taste you in the back of my throat
And yeah I'm tangled up in that place but I ain't leaving a note
I'm standing up for me
And aI can almost taste you in the back of my throat
I'm tangled up inbetween the place of wanting you and wanting the best for myself
But I don't know what's best for myself
To hell with my mental health
So it's late nights early mornings deflecting warning signs with poetry
Most things I know trigger me in some sense of the word
But in case you haven't heard
They're saying I've lost my mind trying to find the love I used to know in myself back when I knew myself skinny *** kid in the denim shirt
Beaming back at you laughing before I got hurt back before I learned that the parts that you can't see are the ones that teach you to be
The ideas that we could be inside of reality without fully hating ourselves
And me I just wanted to be something more than the walls I was born into
More than the **** I got into with the kids who turned me into the monster I have become
It's the people we know not the places we're from that define us
And I'm on that ultra light beam
Out singing with the whole ******* team about another man's god dream
The scheme that gleamed in the eyes of the teen just trying to find her way
And what I'm trying to say is that I want you but I know that it could take me down
And I'm not about to drown in another wasted year
In another ocean of my own tears
This isn't coming out of my fears it's coming from the place in me that knows that I was made for more
That I am more than another girl's page from her diary
That I am more than what the people are saying about me
That I am more than what I intend or intended to be
I was blind but now I see
And this is all of me
Ultra light beam
A god dream
Everything.
So yeah I can almost taste you in the back of my throat
And yeah I'm tangled up in that place but I ain't leaving a note
I'm standing up for me
And all I want to be
And all that I want to be

We sit up late and talk **** and glass box confessionals
Of fallen men and angels and the space between our hands
And though we spit different brands of fire,
we still connect in between the flames,
In between our overgrown youth and the cracks in the fault lines of our teeth
Between our separate worlds we meet open and honest in your attic and seek to touch the places we previously could not  reach alone
And I am breathless in return
And you, fire eyed girl, speak in sonnets to the dark
You take the circles around your eyes and string them into free verse
Spilling free from the patterns in your blood
You fight within to take hold of the love that is all around you
Because it lives all around you
Love follows you like a dog nipping at your heels
Chasing you into the depths of your being where it fights you up in arms at the immensity and grandeur of it all
Love fights for you
And you'll let it win
And so we sit and talk up the last four years of hell like it was nothing
Though we both know it meant everything just the same
And on the drive home I'm overwhelmed by the lights
Overcome at the light within you
Tangled beautiful girl
I was called fire eyed too but yours is a different sort of flame
A different brand of light
And it burns bright in my memory on the way home.

When thrown into experience we lose
The true condition of the self that proves
We bloom. In spring, in summer; everyday
We have the possibility to Be.
To be aware of who we are, and not to judge
The actions that we take as result of
The limits we perceive through human minds.
Through it all always desperate to find
What lies beneath, the truth of life; our light.
Just let it guide. The rest comes easily.

With hearts for love and hope, not hate and greed,
I'm constantly left contemplating, why?
Willingly in the dark, yet claim to see,
To play the game of ego with the self
While others play along, won't ask for help
Or find it in themselves; refuse to try
Then wonder why they just don't feel fulfilled.
It's not a case of finding light outside,
Just realise the life that's seen in you
Is all the light that shines over the view.

Spoil me.
After all, I'm a vision wrapped in Writers block and winter storm warnings
falling apart on a Sunday night alone in my bathtub and I'm ready to be:
Yours.
If only for a week
Because the thought of you is killing me longing in a waltz tempo dancing across my winter skin
waiting for you to put your hand on my skin in the darkness on the fourth of July
Take me out of my head and into your arms
All tanned skin and light green eyes
Come on tear your teeth right through mine
Because I want you for this week and it's becoming hard to breathe in the absence of sanctuary in my body
After all,
It'll be cool till I disengage and retreat back into myself
It'll feel right until I can't look you in the eye or be by myself
But now I see you in pastel and in clean white and grey
The hand I sought to hold
The body I hungered to mold
The weight of the want
But I keep this inside of myself
Pin you up in poetry on my wall
I mean after all
this will only last until I cut it off
Until I cut myself off and box you away under my bed
Beautiful boy now a mere thought in my head
You will disappear because I will erase you
You will leave because I send you away
You will break because I bend you
This is all it can ever be
But for now it's gentle mid afternoon trips and cashmere shirts
Modern love notes and safety bricks
I'll reach for you if only to make you hurt because I'm afraid of myself
It doesn't make sense but for now it's how I know myself
And I know myself
So I build this up to let you go
I take the time and though you never know that I am fragile
So
be gentle with your hands
Bruise my skin and be my man
But I'll cut you off in the spring time and want you again in humidity
I am inconsistent and distant once you truly look inside of me
So please
If only for the week
If only for the car ride home
If only in the darkness of the movie theater
Spoil me.

I'm in the current review of
everything right now.
When my lungs have told me enough
already and I taste of foul
consequences that seep into taste buds.

The walls were gushing water,
as they often seemed to do, and
I always lay on my side,
left leg crossed over right.
Nothing irregular.

The tinge, spark, of pain from a
resting avocado, I can feel it in the
tip of my thumb. The right one.
You were supposed to be soft,
and full of the good fats.

I can't look at a cupola without
seeing "SEWN". But I guess that's
just what happens when someone
intercepts your point of view.