with laces that were as tangled
as the words that slipped from my lips
when I tried to tell you how I felt.

I want to take a walk in the wintertime
So my heart can identify its external condition

I know that I am not her,
I know that she is not me,
And I know that if you had more choices,
By my side you would not be.

I know that I am not pretty,
I know that I am not kind,
And I know that sometimes my mouth
Is bigger than my mind.

Someday you'll see all these things,
and run with counts collected,
But I really cannot say
That it's not what I expected,

I get it.
I really do.
She is an ocean
of life--stories within
stories live within her.
Stories of lives
spanning far and forever.
That's why you love her,
why you went away.

I'm just ash.
I'm full of nothing,
I'm full of sorrow.

I get it.
I really do.

I tried on a smile
With edges drooping downward
It never quite fits.