Sometimes
I find myself
rewriting poems
Changing all the words
except for
your name

Two cups of coffee and suddenly the answers are all clear to me

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-

you stood in my space
swallowed my air
made me feel like i was
living in a bubble
made of mirrors
i thought the world was
slipping out from
underneath me and
it seemed like i'd
fall asleep to your voice
telling me i was
unfair an unjust
cheating on you like
an attention-*****
and i'd wake up
to see you
bless me with your
kisses and your hair
falling on your
forehead
you were just
so easy to love
boy, you are
just so easy to love.

i never cheated on you
never lied, never
went behind your back
there were times
i stepped out to
take a breath of
fresh air because
i felt like i was living
in a room full of
hot air made of your
breath and
it just got too much
for me but
my walk outside
never meant
walking into
someone else's life
and i don't know
how to show you
that i would never
betray you but
sometimes i needed
to just be on my own
and even when i was
on my own sometimes
i just needed to not
hear your voice
in my head
because there were
already so many
voices inside there

but ****, boy,
i never left you
hanging and i still
want to hold on
to the memories and
the feelings i felt
(i still feel)
but ****,
you're going around
telling them i was a
cheat and a liar
as if i was made
of hell's fire
i didn't let you
burn no matter how
many times i felt
like a volcano

-

how you gonna lie like that?

-

i am sometimes
a fool, a miser
stubborn, hot-headed
indecisive, sometimes selfish
maybe a little mean

but

*i am not a liar
i will not betray you
and your secrets
are forever in my heart
hidden under my tongue
your pain and hunger
are in my pocket
wrapped up tight

your childhood
lives under my skin
your failures
tucked under my pillow
you are not vulnerable
except in my arms
and i will not leave
your body
in the cold or in
between their fingers

your trust
is in my faith
and my faith
is in your trust
when i kiss you
goodnight
i will not kiss
another
goodmorning
it is a simple
pact to myself-
it is you.
you are my
quiet;
not a secret
but not public.

i promise you this
when the moon
splits in half
and the oceans
fill it's cracks
when we are no
longer one
under the sun
when we are
no longer each
other's under
the sheets behind
closed doors
i promise you
this
you are still
safe in my
memories
buried in the sand
in the beach where
we had our
first "real" date
we will forever
be frozen
in the popcorn of
movies and
bathtubs
of cheap motels
i promise you
this
i will never
betray you
nor leave you
out in the open
i never lied to you
never forged
the words
nor meant
any harm.
i promise you
this
day or night
night or day
protected with
me
in my memory
you will
forever stay.

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, staring down at me

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, a hero in the sky

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
and i wonder if this means
that no matter how many
crimes you commit
somewhere deep inside
you are still my savior
standing so tall, so far
always untouchable
i wonder if this means
that in my heart
you still hold a position
stories higher than anyone else
i keep looking for a savior
but that place remains unreplaced
because the safety after the fear
that you gave me is irreplaceable
and i wonder if that means
no matter how far i run
i'll still search for you
in my skies and sun

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your skin buzzing with electricity

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your touch caressing my skin

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
and i wonder if that means
no matter how many times
i try to escape
your weight is still somewhere
on my chest
holding me down like a brand
claiming me as yours
your skin is heavy
with hunger and mine
craves you in ways i never
craved anyone else
and after all these months
i wonder if this means
you are still somewhere
on my body
in my body
i wonder if you still
live somewhere in my heart
and under my layers
and i wonder
if this means no matter how many
times i try to wash you away
you are still
always there.