Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
mk Nov 2017
my father told me
to just come home
once i hit my
breaking point

how do i explain to him
that i don't have a breaking point?

my body will twist and turn
it will boil and bubble from
the inside out but i will
not break and my lungs
will scream for air my
heart tied together with
knots and crosses my hair
falling away in the air
that just isn't enough for me
to breathe

how do i tell him that
my sadness will keep growing
until i am dead and that
there is no 'point' at which it will
be 'bad enough' for me to say
'i give up- take me home'
there will be no point because
father, i will tell him,
father, you raised me as a fighter,
and i do not know how to give up
not when it is the smart option
not when it is the only option
i am not one who gives up and that
is both stupid and deadly but
i know myself to know that i will
stay and stay and stay till it was
far past time to leave
that is why i loved the boy
who wrote poetry on me with a blade
and that is why when he told me he'd **** me
i still stayed
i don't know how to let go
of places or people or things
i don't know how to give up
on ideas or love
that is why
when the nurse asks me
how bad the pain is
on a scale of 1-10
i will always say
something along the lines
of 5
even with a broken spine
and a dislocated skull
i will tell her the pain is 5
because i do not know
what my 10 is
where do i stop to say
this
this is
enough

father, when you tell me to come home
when i've had enough
know that i do not know what 'enough' is
i have always been trying to be 'enough'
i always want to give more than 'enough'
but this strange place called 'enough'
has never been home to me

i'll fight till my
anxiety ties around my neck
and i am blue in the face
purple fingertips
and yellow eyeballs
i'll fight until my
depression creeps into the
veins of my bloodless body
and soars through them
mercilessly
i'll fight until
you put the last of the dirt
upon my fractured grave
because death always came easier
than ever saying
i give up
  Nov 2017 mk
Akira Chinen
Remind me why we sin
with the pressure of your lips
tongue tie me
to your sheets
and whisper long syllables
of slow honey
and sting me with your gaze
meeting mine where
fear and pleasure mix
and strip me of my human name
and sacrifice it to the love
of pleasure you keep within your ribs
and show me the stars
you keep below your skin
and tell me of the scars
you wear proudly on your heart
tell me no lies
and I’ll give you my truth
and with a silent word
and a burning kiss
let me remind you
why we sin
mk Nov 2017
i tried to ignore it
this pull at my chest
like i'd taken my own
emotions as captives
in the bars between my
arteries
but you can't keep
running horses prisoner
and i feel the bars
loosen as it calls
out for home and
memories it craves
a new beginning
but in the same
place and i think
it's time i pack
my bags and return to
the old to start
anew
because this life,
no matter how hard you
try
you cannot out run it
you will run circles
and circles
in the same old fields
with the same
old feelings
until you realize
nothing
and everything
has changed.
this one's for you- thank you for showing me what i didn't want, so that i now know what i do.
  Nov 2017 mk
alex
when a boy shows you his hands
bare except for the dust
he’s begging you to look past
take them in yours.
squeeze them once.
twice.
say without speaking
that you understand that the valleys
in his palms were meant to cradle
shooting star wishes
that he’s allowed to still hope for.
when a boy shows you his eyes
of milk and crimson and melanin
a bloodshot vein for every night he can’t sleep
let him shut his eyelids.
say without speaking
that you understand that the black hole pinpricks
of his irises hold more than the universe
should allow.
when a boy shows you his soul
shivering but still working toward friction
iced over but still working toward melting
let him come to rest next to yours.
say without speaking
that you understand that he is lonely
and that his silence speaks volumes
and that you kept his treasure close
because you love him.
when a boy shows you his hands
show him your hands.
when a boy shows you his eyes
show him your eyes.
when a boy shows you his soul
show him that
this is a comfortable place to rest it.
when a boy shows you the hardness that shaped him
show him the softness
that you have in store.
k
mk Nov 2017
she's searching for god
in all the wrong ways
kissing men and bottles
turning her home into a brothel
staying up till dawn
chanting his name instead of
god's
she's looking for redemption
and a way to let go
she's looking for god to forgive her
but instead she begs for you
to touch her and love her
and make her feel complete
she wants a godly love
you can't compete
she's looking for god
in all the wrong places
in broken homes and
raging fires she's
looking for god in the
ugliness and the daze
something to **** the haze
she's looking to start over
to get rid of the guilt and fear
but she'll run as fast as she can
whenever god comes near
she doesn't realize it but
it's not men or god she needs
it's forgiving herself
which is something so high up on the shelf
she just can't reach
mk Nov 2017
tell them how you never really had
a relationship with God
he was just somewhere in the
clouds and never in your
thoughts
tell them how you never
really cared to pray
how you'd go through your life
night turning into day
but then she walked in
tell them she walked in
like an angel or a scribe
like someone with light
a savior in disguise
tell them how she gave you
a lot many gifts
tell them how your favorite
was how she gave you faith
she taught you to pray
and to always say
God's name
(but never in vain)
and you often
kissed the words right out
of her mouth
it was holy
in dimensions you couldn't explain
she taught you scripture
wrote you songs
gave you a voice to
talk to God
and you used that voice
every single day
thanking Him for
the blessing he gave
and she was a blessing
oh God she was
like magic and wonder
from above
so pure and innocent
wise and content
her playful smile
and her strength

but she came
and she left
and then there was pain
she brought you the sunshine
then left you with rain
now you're standing here
with faith in your hands
asking God why He let her
leave like that
she gave you a relationship
with something Supreme
but her departure from your life
is a never-ending scream
you don't know if you should
banish God or love
you don't know if you should
pray to the one above
if she was an angel
why does this feel like hell
if she was your savior
why didn't she treat you well
i mean, maybe she did
when you were together
but now that she's gone
your sanity is like a feather
it's twisting and floating
a little beyond the skies
loving her
might not have been wise
she was the connection
between you and heaven
she was the faith
reverting you from being a heathen
what good is faith
with a broken heart
tell them she baptized you
but you don't know where to start
"God,"
you ask him
"is that what angels are?
here for a moment;
then forever in the stars"

your long nights
have just begun
is this the angel's way
of having fun?
too pure too innocent
too kind too good
perhaps this whole thing
was misunderstood
or perhaps this
was the plan all along
you know what they say
*only broken hearts find God
keep your faith.
Next page