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as I sat down one day,
I tried to remember you,
to think of you,
to write about you.
I could not form the words that I wanted to say --
the words I wanted you to hear
the words I wanted you to see.

as I sat down one day,
I heard your laugh at the edge of my ears,
I saw the flash of your smile from the corner of my eyes,
I smelled the scent of your hair from the tip of my nose.

I wish I never sat down that one day.
Sadness was what it brought me,
for I can only remember the good in you,
and
I
still
can't
find
myself
for I am lost in the worst part of you.

as I sat down one day,
I remembered,
I disintegrated.
I smile
Even though I want to cry
I laugh
Even though I want to scream out why?
I joke
Even though I hurt on the inside
I dance
Even though my feet feel leaden
I run
Even though I feel like I’m getting nowhere
I sing
Even though my heart doesn’t feel the music
I draw
Even though my head is in the clouds
I live
Even though I want to die
I get up
Even though I know I’ll be beaten down yet again
I fight
Even though it seems I’ve lost
I search
Even though everyone tells me there is nothing to find
I am
Even though I know I can never really be me
We are all a burden
to many around us
but we are the burden
most of them want to carry
to feel joy
to feel need
to feel purpose

Our cells may age
but the metaphors
never do

Babies need their mothers
and their mothers
need them too
He was a river
That never made it to the sea, and instead
Slowed and seeped
Into the dirt,
Causing wanderers to slip
And fall as they encountered him.
As a child,
I used to run my hands
on the walls as I walked

Adults around
would warn me
about the filthiness
of those dust, graffiti,
*****, and poster covered walls

But touching them gave me
a weird sense of accomplishment
Like physical proof
that I was once here

moving forward

Today
I will not worry
what bacteria
this wall holds
what molds
have aged on its corners

Instead, I'll run my hands
with every step I take

smiling
because I am,
once again,
*moving forward
I don't want you to leave me
I want you to always be by my side
I don't want you to disappear
Not be swept away by times tide

It's the only certain thing in this world
The hands of time will never stop
But the time I have is never enough
Please someone turn back the clock!

Your hair has greyed but your face kind
Your teeth are false but your words are true
Your smile is old but still as warm
Some day I wish I could be just like you

I want you to live for an eternity
But even an eternity has to end
I can do nothing no matter how hard I try
The scars of time will never mend

The memory of you will last forever
I will always remember our bond
So all I can do is wish you luck
In the world that is beyond
I wrote this poem for my grandpa, who just recently turned 80. He has lymphoma and spends most of his time is a hospital. I love him very much and he will always be a big part of my life.
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