I just have an awful attitude
Like I should be entitled to freedom
Or peace
Like I should be entitled to you
Being entitled to that to
And not giving a ****
About me.
I just have a horrible attitude
Like I should not question
Everything I’ve been told
Or learn or want to stand on my own
To not judge
But instead to understand
And I can’t help it
That I can’t sit
In a class for 8 hours
Without thinking
My mind drifts
And I realize I just have a horrible attitude
About life, must be because I see the beauty in every
Flower
And every human
And I think about it all the time
I just have the worst attitude really
Because I hate structure
And I hate money
And I hate evil thoughts
And I like to believe that people are good
And I like to believe that life is a blast
Even if I have to sit in a prison for
8 hours and call it class
I just have a horrible attitude really
I just do
And there’s nothing I can do
But sit here and laugh

I've never seen a bird fly so close
the look in his eye
hollow like a cave
inside
all the secrets hidden
like a gem
that we search for
many have died for
and I woke up one morning and
I found it
in a box
laying in my front step
do not open
fragile
stamped.
like a drug
it consumed
my curiosity
like a cat I did die
and was reborn
entirely
in the middle of a flame
and I realized that it wasn't all a game
and I put the world to shame
Metaphorically

Quickly,
I wanted to tell you something
You were born in a place, you did not choose
Where you are, is because of an accident
So do not feel obligated to give them an inch
The boss unfit to lead a workplace
The politician out of touch with the common man
You do not owe these men a thing for your accident
Your job is to live
Not to give into their demands
For their profit
For their pleasure
For their God
For their sadistic greed
You are beautiful
Seek likened minds
-For they are your greatest assets in achieving your happiness
Do not be blind
-For the people, denied of the streets, are growing restless
You are beautiful
May the inner voice of this reading dry at least one tear
If you have not heard it in a while
I love you
I love you and you are special
I love you because you are proof that art is natural, and, 
It started when you were born-
You are,
Where ever you are,
Walking, Sitting, Breathing Art

I hate you!
Because....
Well
I love you.

your heart rate beats
uncontrollably
you look around
and everything is okay .
So you scream!
silently .
on the inside .
As though some force is taking control of you.
Your mind starts to race and you look across the table
at a familiar face,
Your okay
But not on the inside.

They look concerned,
they feel the suffering .
but can't explain.
You can't contain the feeling.
Your okay
But not on the inside.

Your heart want to jump out of your sleeve
through the ceiling
Are they looking? do they know me?
Why do they judge me?
Standing in line at the supermarket.
Smile, Smile, Smile.
No one can see It
Your okay
But not on the inside.

Just a few days ago I was invisible
Now I'm alone now,
the voices in my head
are having their fun
and their uncontrollable
I lay there I just take it
I don't go crazy, physically
I just take it
I know that It's just me
but I can't shake it
I'm okay
But not on the inside.

There's no reason
so it scares me
and it starts again
I'm in the same place
a vicious cycle
it perpetuates
and takes me on a bumpy ride
I'm okay.
But not on the inside.

This fear that keeps me up at night
like I'm ready for a fight
when the only enemy insight
is looking right into my eyes
the familiar glitter of my very own
brown eyes.
I'm okay
But not on the inside. sometimes.

I think I was saved.
I was saved.
and I couldn't be more thankful
I couldn't imagine a life
with no other meaning
but a ****** one .
I think that I was cursed to have the whole world
at attention .
I was saved the moment I started to write
I write down these words because I am running from a fate
a fate that many women find themselves in
I'm arguing with the evil and good part of my brain
some say good always triumph
but bad makes me feel so awful
it drags my soul down and makes me feel
like i'll suffocate
if i don't cave .
I get dragged down and I get
treated like what they want me to be
I get dragged down and I get treated
like I should not aspire to be something
more than
I can not be powerful
More powerful than
the people who try to pretend
to be so noble
and so I  realize that people
are good but not when it comes
to hitting their soft spots
to wanting to be above them
and hoping that I soar far away from them
That I don't want to conform with them
That I no longer beileve in their story
and I no longer choose to be a part of this
and so I just want to be natural
one with the way the universe
created me to be
not the way the ads, and man made churches
polticians, police and all people expected me to be
they point a finger at me
with their tainted skins
and minds
and souls
they'd never point the finger at themselves
they think they have control
just know that I'm running
in the words I type
hoping to survive
the hell I  sometimes find myself
in
I stare
and I stare
into the abyss
and  it starts staring back
now It has me by the neck
and i'm choking and I'm scared
to admit there's no way out of this
no way out of this but to hope that
if I close my eyes
it will go all away
If I'm strong enough
One day the world will just stop.

Everything just seems really fragile
The sophistication of a thought virus
that erupted in my soul
a concept I deplore
and all at once
the words come
like a rush of desperation
flooding the paper
desperate for anything
a sigh
a relief
Anguish.
Breath.
I panic in a fetal attempt to reason
with left side logic
but my creativity spills over
Creating scenes
imagined
of tales
that haven’t happened
I try and hold on to a shred of sanity
As the feeling takes over
It wakes me
From a forever deep slumber;
Or was it the yelling
Coming from the other room
Deep loud voices
Begging one another for love
I can’t be making this up
Enlightened memories
Stuffed underneath piles of
Irrelevant nonsense
I’m trying to live
i'm living to try and find
Freedom:::
Rings threw my head
In a confused attempt
To reason with the concept
Free the panic
Because it comes from
A subconscious
Desire to succeed
a feeling rooted in a community
I was only ever taught to fear
Yet I was only ever taught with love
The feeling is so strong
It hurts
the complexity of the issue
It’s not that im shaded
Its that im stranded
On an island
With a row boat
The sea at ease
But I can only see shallow deep
meanwhile the possibilities become
The steady click of a keyboard