i havent written in weeks
normally that means i am too dismembered to even think
but this time it's different
this time is because i have nothing left to write
because i am happy
things are looking up
writing for me at least
is for the lows
the loyal friend that helps through the pain
so my friend
you'll hear from me when things get bad
so my friend
you'll hear from me soon

xoxo

I remember the day my dignity was lost
Not by choice but taken
The air was dewy and the grass was layered with frost
I recalled every word he said and was shaken
I walked through campus looking like a freakshow for everyone to see
I felt the blood trickling down me
For years we were friends
I thought I could trust him till the end
I remember gaining my conscious back
He whispered, "shh, it's okay I'm almost done"
After those words the silence lacked
With my tears drowning out his "fun"

I cry
Not for me, not for you
Not in sympathy nor in pity

I cry
At how easily I can put up a blank face
And not hide behind that fake smile

I cry
Because of the repetition and
every thing I N B E T W E E N

I cry
The mental and physical, tearing me little by little
Each time, only to be scarred

I cry
Because this is making me stronger,
But still hurting, for each new second

I'm not bitter. I've bit my bottom lip too hard twice too many times, but I still wonder why my lips are bleeding. I've said few too many prayers to a God that shut me out before I even reached salvation in the first place. I've swallowed too many handfuls of dirt and sunflower seeds in the hopes that something beautiful will grow inside of me. I'm sad with a boy that loved me so much that it hurt him, and I'm sad without him. My windows are nailed shut, but the curtains won't stop blowing. I'm still trying to figure out how many times I have to get drunk in a church parking lot before I build the courage up to tell you I'm sorry. God speaks in tongues, but I was only ever taught to bite mine. Okay. Maybe I am bitter, but I have the right to be.

Dear Blank,
I left your name blank because I don't know who you are,
or where you are.
Are you near, or are you far?

Dear Blank,
Sometimes I wonder if I truly need you,
Or if I'm better off on my own.
But I am scared: will you lift me up or hold me down?

Dear Blank,
Will I ever find you? Are you really there?
Or are you just a memory, and idea, a question--
A question, with no answer, or confession.

Dear Blank,
If I search, will I find you?
I would call out for you, but I don't know your name,
And all I see surrounding me is more of the same.

Dear Blank,*
Are you really there?

A burst of flames, as if that would help.
I'm filled with anger, the worst I've ever felt.
I don't know how to control it, I don't know how to let it go.
Because every thought that comes by, loosing my life is all I know.

Flames coming through my eyes.
I'm worked up over my life of lies.
For now it's become too much for me to bare.
I'm filled up with rage, and I'm ready for it to burst into the air.

My thoughts are polluted.
Shame, anger, rage is included.
My minds wrecked with this pain.
Everyday it seems to be the same.

But now it's too much to handle.
It's too much to be tangible
So this answer is true.
To reach peace, taking my life is what I have to do.

I try too hard, but I don't want to seem malicious.
I try too closely, but then I seem too meticulous.
But me giving up doesn't help this ******.
I'm trying to patch my mistakes up, I'm trying to patch up these cracks.
But ever as I try, I seem to fall too short.
Every word I let out, there seems to be a retort.
So what should I do? Where should I go?
Those are questions, whose answers I beg desperately to know.
As I must fix my wrongs, and make them right.
I'm trying to step out of the darkness, and step into the light.
For a life of mistakes is not what I want to live in.
So I'm going to repent away from my sin and hope that one day I'll be forgiven.

Any song can sound sweet,
if you tune your tone appropriately,
and add a lyric,
with a melody
and I have seen where there is a life,
there is a song
but some songs are not only a love song
that notion was a loop, intense, black and blue passionate song
was not romantic

She was a sad song
and I thought I would know how to make it better
like if I could be the only to love her again,
I believed that everything would fall into a melodious love song
but  I lost a few lines of lyrics
and there was bit melody missing that I couldn't find
and I saw too many scratches on the disc
I couldn't let myself be made no longer
trying to fix her entirety.
.
@Musfiq us shaleheen