old friend!
kind one,
smart one,
one with humor-
why does your mind
refuse to realize
that you cannot
keep up
with your
addiction
forever?

I am not asking you
to put down
the tinfoil
the pipe
the line
this instant

I know addiction
all too well

when it is in your grasp
when you have
your hand
on the ripe
red apple-
let alone,
your teeth
already sinking in
to the first bite-
it's nearly impossible
to release the
forbidden fruit
and climb down
from this tree

you have tasted
the knowledge
the sweetness
of the
fruit
and you will
crave it
now that you know
the brilliance of it

you are punishing yourself
you are hating yourself
you are destroying yourself
you are killing yourself
just realize
that

I will still love you
I will still be your friend
I will not
however
be around you
in your hazy
daze
after you have eaten
the fruit
of which you know you shouldn't

I promise you this-

if you
step away
from the tree
of sin

life
will begin
to look
different

find yourself
a spot
in the garden
of
life
far, far away
from the foliage
of
temptation

set up
barricades
to protect you
from the
snakes
enticing whispers
and let go

you will suffer
deeply
the first few days
without
your savory fruit
but within the week
you will begin to see
all else
this garden has to offer you

look at the way
the light dances
along the cave walls
from animals
that pass outside!

look at the way
the grass
flows
in the gentle breeze!
can you hear the wind
that is moving it?

there is so much more in life
than your addiction
so
much
more

right now,
it's got it's blinders on you

rip them off
don't let
addiction
ride you around
this garden
of life
telling you
where to go
what actions to make

be
yourself
love
yourself

no judgement
but for that
I ask
no excuses
only honesty

I am not asking you
to put down the drugs
this instant
just for you to realize
that this isn't your life
and that
you truly,
can't continue living like this

could you please
preheat the oven
to 450°F?

thanks!
now
can you please
shove me in there
and close the door tightly?

I'll probably scream
and flail
but,
ignore that

I need a fire to be lit
under my ***
since I clearly
cannot light one
by myself

we're all born into this river
without knowing how to swim

at the beginning
most have
family
to keep us above
the water-
be our life vest
that keeps us
breathing

as the river's
current
flows and carries us
some have been
taught
or have
learned
how to swim
how to
keep above
water
and are flowing
along
smoothly

others,
like me,
have not had
another to teach
guide
and have not yet
taught ourselves
either

simply
treading water
letting the current
of life
carry my soul
knocking me
pushing me under
with barely
a second
that I come above
to breathe

we are all
in this river
together

when the waters get cold
and my teeth
chatter
friends and
strangers
who have been
in these cold waters
before
keep me warm

when I am
going under
and start
to drown
these same people
lift me up
keep me
above
the water
so I can
breathe

others have
tried to teach me
how to swim
how they
make it through
the currents
but
I will have to
learn the best
way
for myself
to stay above

I am
building a raft
out of the sticks
and
debris
I find floating
that I latch on to
while I am
under

even though
I haven't
learned
how to swim
in this river
still
if I see someone
struggling
to stay above
I will do
all
that is in my power
to keep them
above

hold
on to me
if you are being
pulled down
I will tread water
for the both of us

and when I finish
this raft
I will
use it for myself
and when
it has done
it's job
I will give it
to another
to keep them
above
these deep waters

I'm here for you
in the same way you're here for me

every year i mature
and age
feels like
a million more realizations
that this life is
depressing
and a waste

maybe depressing
is the wrong word
should use
miserable
agony
despair
like HEY
you there
consciousness
or
soul
whatever you call
the me that is me
before this body
here
latch onto this vessel
this insignificant
organism
in the grand scheme
of life
and
**** IT UP HORRIBLY

wish i had
someone other than myself
to blame
for my own sadness
the tears that fall
are not from another
hurting me
they are from
the me that is me
that is hurting
myself
daily

how else
to live
how else
can i
survive
i do not know
another way
do not think
i could learn

just
depression
with
distractions
distractions
distractions

have another ******
play another game
talk to another person
person
who is more human
than me

i do not feel
human
i do not feel
whole
i feel
like
the bottom
of my cup
of tea
just
remnants
of sadness
and bits
of
the tea leaves
the essence
of myself
only to be
washed
down the drain

here I am
crying again
at 5am
what a joke
how pathetic
what a waste
of existence
air
time.
better off
dead

let me lick the lipstick stain you left on your coffee cup
i'll do it subtly so no one will be alarmed
i'll lick it and enjoy the taste of your makeup
i want to taste you and all that you are

i want to watch you all the time
i want to see you at the moments you are most yourself
the moments that
you pretend don't exist
the 2am searches on pornhub
the you that hasn't left the couch for days
with your hand in a bag of potato chips

let me lick the chip crumbs from your fingers
let me put your finger in my mouth
i want to taste the saltiness you savor
i want to taste who you are
the you that you hide from others

i want you to call me a pervert
and slap me

i will kiss your feet
and lick the soles
tasting the salt and dirt
of all the places you've walked today

you will cringe and say i'm disgusting
and i will smile

let me taste the you
that is you
when no one else is around
let me taste the you
that is you
after a long day of work
let me taste the you
that is you
when you ignore me