He traded his gun for love

-Stephen

I'm starting to realize that I deserve better

As crazy as it sounds, its true
It hurts to say or think this
but at this point
I can slowly see you better off with someone else
that isn't me
and the sad thing is
its starting not to bother me anymore

I finally felt myself slowly moving on from you
I put hope into this boy
this unknown boy
because finally for so long
I actually developed a crush on someone
but now I got my hopes up
because he doesn't feel the same
and it feels like my heart broke into a million pieces again

I'm sorry its really hard
I'm sorry that its hard for me to  love you
I never been in love
all I gave was love
and all they did was take it away from me
and left

I was with you but you were thinking of her
and now I'm with him and I'm thinking of you

By: Witt lowry

I can't fall in love without you
please don't fall in love without me

by: Zara Larsson

Please stop!
Don't get any closer
You don't know what your getting yourself into

You say your not like the rest
but thats what they all said !
Do you see them in my life now?

Please save your self while you have the chance
Don't get close
Once you enter my life
then leave
you will leave with a big ****
that will remind you of me everyday of your life

I'm not forgettable

Even ask the ones that left
I make a big impact
both beautiful and tragic

You will leave like everyone else
I promise that

Its a repetition
and I'm tired of that
I want to burn that bridge

I'm sorry I can't let you in
Stay where your at
thats where going to end up again anyways

I'm sorry but I can't let you in
its to late
I'm doing whats best for you
and whats best is to burn my bridges
from the real world and me

please stop...

This is me
Beautiful tragedy
You already had a glimpse of my problems
But you didn't hear about the other side of me

I put people before myself, I just care to much
I laugh a lot , I just can't help it. People say I'm funny so I guess I am
I'm not only a writer but I draw as well , its my escape
I'm adventurous and I don't only mean by traveling (I dont mean in a bad way either)
I don't love easily but when I do fall in love hard
I just can't help to love everyone, they give me hope in loving myself
When someone is knocked down I cant help to pick them up
even if the price is me being knocked down
I don't let people step all over me but I have been taken advantage of
I believe in raw beauty
I'm a supporter
I love to help and listen
I'm active , I can't sit for so long and no I dont have ADHD
I like to be alone but I also like to be with my friends


This is me
this is just a little taste
this is nothing yet
but this is me
Beautiful tragedy

Its a rainy day
I'm sitting on my bed under the sheets reading poems
with my breakfast besides me
for some reason
I felt different at this moment
looking around my surroundings and looking at my work
I couldnt help but to smile
this day ...well this moment felt different
I felt ....acceptance enter my heart
I felt free
but this is just the beginning

Its easy for people to fall in love with me
but its hard for them to hold on
to stay...

I'm sorry but it comes to a point that I dont want to live anymore
I'm always asking the same **** question "what am I waiting for?"

I'm trying so hard to be ok and trust me I want to live
But I'm giving it my all , I just dont got no more to give

I'm honestly tired of everything I already feel dead
I have a headache, I'm tired of hearing these ******* voices in my head

I'm calling out for help , but you cant see a hand when its reaching from the dark
You wanna know my story? Look at my body and follow the paths of marks

This world is ******* me up and I'm tearing myself down as well
As much as I run, jump and play I can't help to feel locked up in a cell

I'm really tired of the pain, I'm trying to be strong
But you cant tell a girl to continue fighting when shes been fighting for to long

Why continue when nothing changes, I'm just going to be in the same place
Yes I'm Gods gift to the world but I am sorry God but I just feel like a waste of space

I just want everything to end, I just want the pain to go away
I just want to walk around able to actually say that I'm OK

I just wish I can start my life all over and fix things
But no I'm just the puppet of my mind being controlled by strings

God I am begging you to please help me
I just cant take it anymore, I just want to spread my wings and be free

Your child cant take it anymore, she doesnt want to disappoint you and give back the gift you gave her that is called "life"
How could your child use this gift when she doesn't even feel alive?

The sad thing is that some people dont understand and they see you but dont do anything about it
So I am tired of this game so I just wanna quit

Please help me....please

Your mouth was a blessing and now its a weapon

The little bit of self worth I had you stripped it away
Little by little until I had nothing left






thats why I dont know who I am anymore

Dear Mommy ,

I'm with a sweet guy now mama
he buys me things
takes me out to eat and makes me laugh

but sometimes he yells at me then says sorry
he's verbally abusive but he says he loves me
sometimes he makes fun of my insecurities but then says he's joking

but I love him mama
I don't know what to do

I learned this all from you mama

remember when you use to mentally abuse me then buy me things
remember when you use to make fun of me and said you were just kidding
remember when you use to hit me then said you loved me

I dont know what love is mama
all I know is what you taught me

I give him chances because even though he hurts me
he still loves me
just like you mama you hurt me but I know you love me

right?

Please don't stop telling me you love me

thats the only thing that keeps me sane
thats the only thing that keeps me moving
thats my oxygen, I need to breathe

those are the words that keep me hoping...

I can't stand taking tests or exams
All of a sudden when I start
My mind becomes blank
I start to over think
I stay on one question for to long
and when I get the results that I didnt want to or if its so close to passing
I break down
I get so mad
because it will be the easiest question ever
and I still fail  
This is why I don't like tests or exams
It makes me feel stupid and question my intelligence

Our relationship was a beautiful corruption

Its so funny how you can be there for someone that is treating you like ****
But you can't be there for someone who was always there for you
You could be there for him when he needed you the most
But you can't be there for me when I did?
That honestly shows me a lot
That shows me your true colors

The girl that was insecure about herself especially her weight
She fell in love one day and she knew that he was her soul mate
He constantly reminded her that he loves her body the way it is
He rubs her tummy and gives it a kiss
But when they always make love he seems to miss the spot that needs love the most
He started reassuring her less, she started feeling like a ghost
One day she found out  that she was pregnant, they had so much joy
They even started looking up baby names and decided to name him troy
Thats when then he started showing more attention to her insecurity but its because what he created was in there
Then for some reason she started developing this hatred in her heart , she didnt want to share
She felt sad because he only showed her attention because of the baby
She didnt want to hate the baby but it started driving her crazy
She felt jealous and that was consuming her
All she wanted was to feel accepted and she was wondering when it will be her turn
One day she couldnt take it anymore and she ran away
He noticed that they were gone, he searched day by day
He never found them ever since (months later)
One day he thought about the hints that she tried to give about needing love, he should've listen
The next day while he was watching the news and stacking up books on the book shelf
He heard something he couldnt believe he heard, the news mention a tragic that happened and it was about a pregnant woman that killed herself

She knows things aren't ok
But she feels ok
when you tell her that everything will be ok

The girl that puts others before herself
shes the girl with good intentions
wanting everything to be ok

Everything started to fall apart
she got tired of fighting
she got tired of waiting for everything to be ok

Everything is not going to be ok
Shes tired of waiting
Shes tired of trying to be ok
She doesn't wanna be ok
Shes tired of people telling her " it will be ok, just be patient"

Nothing is going to change
if this isn't good for me
let me just give up
let me just stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

You dont know what its like

What is like to be in my head
to go through what I went through

you can't stop me from drowning

Dont tell me what you see
you need to clean your eyes and check again

I'm tired of all these bad days
and nothing never being ok
I'm tired of hearing "just keep your head up"
I'm tired of trying to be ok
jI just wanna be not ok

Is it ever going to change?
No its not

Nothing is going to change
So let me just give up
let me stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

you dont know what  its like

dont look at me like you understand
dont try to hold me back

if you know if this isnt good for me
let me just give up
let me just stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

you dont know what is like

This is why  lot of things don't work out for me. I have to high expectations that I can't even reach. I have to be careful because I just might hang myself by accident  just trying to reach them.

Welcome

seems like you want to apply for this full time job
(he nods and gives a big crescent smile)

Yes.. yes I do

Give me your resume
(he hands it to her)

This is a difficult job I hope you know

I do know that's why I applied

Many guys applied and didn't get the job

Well Im not like the rest of these guys

( she looks at him very interested)

Well let me give you a summary of what you will be dealing with

She is small
with big hazel eyes
with a bunch of dots scattered on her cheek and nose
she loves to laugh and smile
Very fiesty
independent and hard working
(pauses)

Thats not bad at all
(he chuckles a little and folds his arms)

Oh, Im not done yet

She has a bunch of insecurities
mentally abused
has been bullied
close to being anorexic
has battle scars
gets anxiety attacks
suffers from depression
needs a lot of reassurance
constantly apologizes
never feels good enough
putting herself down
In a bad environment
she has trauma
cant help but to argue
questions a lot
(she pauses)

Looks at her in disbelief
(stays silent and thinks)

Oh I'm not done yet but I'll stop there
Do you think your ready for this responsibility?

(He sits and thinks for a while then quietly replies)
yes
I am ready because I've always been a fighter and my father taught me to never give up on what I want and I want her. I want to be the man that changes her life around, the man that shows her that life is worth living for, I want to be the man that shows her how beautiful she really is, inside and out, I want to be the man she can trust and run to and has a shoulder to cry on, If I have to tear myself apart just for her to be ok I will do that. I rather break me down if I have to build her up. If we break up I will make sure she walks away happy, walks away ok. I will fight for her till my last breathe and I will never give up on her. I want to be the man she walks down the aisle to meet. I want to be the man to wake up every morning besides her to know how **** lucky I am to have her. I want to be the man she trusts and little by little gives me her all and I give in return. Yes, she might be difficult and very hard to deal with but I know shes worth fighting for. She is not the same like the rest of these girls. I'm not saying this just to say this. ******* is not just coming out of my mouth and thats probably why a lot of guys didnt get hired. I mean what I say. Every word of it and I know I'm going to love her. I already do
(he pauses)

(she stays silent)

(he gets up)
Oh, I have more to say
Now, do you think I am ready for this job?

(she gets up and shakes his hand amd says quietly with her her eyes wattery
and quietly says)
your hired

My body is my chamber and my disguise and I am the prisoner and the victim

He puts his hand gently on my back and slowly guides me to him
Holds me in his arms, my chest against his
So close that I can't tell my heart beat from his
Looking into his eyes big blue eyes
I ask him " do you love me?"
He puts my hand gently on his chest and his heart beat said it all

As your talking to me  
I can't hear you
Its like everything is muted
All I can hear are the voices in my head
Its so loud inside my head
With the words I should've said
I should've spoke my mind
Every time I had the chance

As I drown in my regrets
I can't take back the words I've never said
So much to tell you
But I thought you weren't going to listen
So I kept it all bottled up inside
And now you cant definitely hear me
You cant hear the words that come out of my mouth
and I cant hear the words that come out of yours
All I can hear are the voices in my head

Its so loud
its giving me headaches
wanting to come out

But I kept it all bottled up inside
The only thing I heard was his final good bye
And thats the last thing I heard

She was the girl that loved to draw at night
All her drawings were out of sight
She was most artistic at night in the bathroom
The more she drew, the less space she had, it was going to run out very soon
She kept a secret that no one knew
Not telling anyone, her work grew
Her drawings were like no other, no paper or pen
Shes been drawing since she was ten
Before her friend can leave, he asked if she was ok
That's when she broke down and told him to stay
They sat on the bridge watching the passing cars
She rolled up her sleeves and showed him her scars
regretting her decision, crying not knowing what to say or do
Then he rolled up his sleeves and whispered "Its ok..I draw too"

Even if I move on
I can never stop loving you
I can never forget you
Even if I'm with someone else in the future
you will be in the back of my mind
but locked up in a box titled "happy memories"
Which they should be called "lost memories"
Even though your lost now
you still wonder in the past
and sometimes I cant help to take a step back
Because it brings me satisfaction just thinking about you
Even though they always tell me to move forward
but sometimes I can't help it
Even though I'm single now my heart is still taken by you
I can be with someone else
But I would still be loving you

While he "moved on"
his new girlfriend wanted to go through his library and read his books
but she started to realize that all his books were about me

I don't want you to be the story I tell my future daughter while shes crying over a heart break.

Heart racing
Sweat dripping
Knowing this is the end
Don't expect
Nobody is listening
Blood leaking
The blind  is seeking
This world is hell
They wont help you
Can't you tell
At night you were yelling
You're the only one that can hear
The demons hovering over you
I know you were scared
I know you're tired
I can tell in your eyes
You're not fine
You can't even trust nobody
With all these back stabbers and lies
Looking like you're about to collapse
Pumping drugs in your veins
Hoping this day is your last
Going on your knees begging God for help
Of course our society doesn't know how “we” felt
I feel alone
All alone in the darkness
Locked up in my mind
I know I'll never be set free
It feels like God turned his back on me
Don't come in I'm slowly bleeding
Feeling drained , almost empty
Thinking about death is a good feeling
Nobody will never understand me
Nobody will ever care
But even if I die, death  I'll always fear
But its better then living
I know I'm the last person you would want to save
But it's so sad knowing people will change once i'm in my grave

write from the heart

I found a way to be happy
grab the knife
slide it across your wrist
until I'm empty inside and out
you say I don't need to do this
to stop
but theres no other way to live but to die
knowing your whole life was a lie
the knife isn't taking my life
the hatred of this world is

I dont regret loving you
But I do regret the things we did
I hope you regret what you did too
I know things were hard between us
But we can fix them
only if you want to
I love you then and I love you now
and Ill always love you
Like they say, you never forget your true love
It will stick with us even if we find someone else
your my true love
I just wish...that God didnt use you as the lesson I need
I wish it was someone else because I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life
I seen a future with you
but now thats slowly fading
yes things were hard
But I dont regret loving you
Im glad you came into my life
I just wish you stood
I want us to be ok again one day
like before...
I hope that your still the one
I will be waiting
But I realized that most people dont end up being with their first true love
and Im scared
because I dont want nobody taking your place
Yes we are different
But right now we're just not ready
I love you
and I dont regret loving you

My master pieces were done on canvas
My body was my canvas
The blade was my paint brush
I always been fond of the color red
Brushing the blade all over my body
Head to toe
My paintings are private
But very valuable
The rich were only allowed to view my paintings
Love and understanding was very rare to have
And those that did have that
got to see the amazing master pieces that I have created
They all have different meanings
Watching the paint drip as I stroke the canvas with the paint brush

I decided to retire
I stopped painting
And the people stopped coming
But it's ok
I'll always still have the work that I have created
The,sweat,blood and tears I put into those paintings
Of course I couldn't get rid of them

They will always be apart of me
And now my art is not private
Its for all to see
To learn
To never become the artist I use to be

So yes I am an artist
well...I use to be