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Today is the day that we officially..... broke up
It just doesn't feel ..real?
I cried my eyes out ...more than a water fall can cry
then the pain stopped because I'm in a stage of disbelief
But its going to hit in the morning for sure
I'm not going to lie
I had doubts , yes I did
but it was only because I was scared...
scared of someone actually loving me
I just didn't want that to all go away
I feel nothing right that bad?
But he's the one who left , technically
he didn't say it to me but I read it between the lines of his messages
I know he wanted to...he was afraid to be in the category I have for the boys that are considered like everyone else
Its sad to let go the hand of your other half
and watch him disappear in the past behind you
He questioned my love for him and I did to
But last night was the night I realized that I love him more than I thought I did
I guess you really don't know how much you truly love something until its gone
I also realized how much I took him for granted
While I was taking a shower I just let the memories of us drown me
like the time he kissed all of my insecurities
or when we both celebrated together on how I'm going to get myself together
and the first time he slept over
and the first time....he came over my house because ...I said I was crying
and that was the day....we started
I guess I didn't really understood how much he loved me until I took that gloomy and lonely shower
I never felt alone when I was with him
I felt like thats all I really needed to be honest
But I ******* up my fairy tale once again.
Your probably wondering why am I writing on here when I just got dumped
but its because I don't know how to express my feelings.....and writing is the way I could...writing helped me for most of the parts of my life
But I guess Im writing to your partner as they come and just love.
I also want to be raw with you to show you not every relationship is perfect and this is not the end...
I thought I'd never be happy again
I thought I'd never fall in love again
But one thing I finally realized was that I can

I give myself so many excuses
But its because I am afraid and that's ok
I pointed fingers at everything and everyone
for how life is treating me but..
I didn't even look in the mirror
I am in my own way of love and happiness

Maybe its hard for you to because your in your own way to?
Nothing is impossible
Let love come in
Let Happiness come in
Step to the side
Let Yourself Be Free
Not only that I am taking a break from my relationship
but I'm taking a break from the world
just so I can be with me in my own world
to catch up with her
and just
I decided to take a break from my relationship
But I am scared for when my break comes to an end
because its either going to end in up
me being alone
me staying in a relationship confused
or me realizing the **** I'm thinking about is stupid and realizing that I do want to be with him
I hate the fact that I can be living my best life
and still you cross my mind time to time
I know its getting worse because its to the point that
everything reminds me of you
"You can't love someone until you love yourself"

Before I thought this statement wasn't true but only because I was in love
and what that relationship made me realize is that this statement is so true.

you can't love someone until you love yourself because if you don't love yourself and get into a relationship you are going to rely on their love and convince yourself that you love yourself to because you love them and they love you. But if they were to leave you are going to fall apart because you relied on them for self love and happiness.
That's why before you get into any relationship you need to know your worth.
Things started to get easier the moment I decided I wasn't going to settle for average.
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