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Jan 2019 · 367
January 22, 2019
Today is the day that we officially..... broke up
It just doesn't feel ..real?
I cried my eyes out ...more than a water fall can cry
then the pain stopped because I'm in a stage of disbelief
But its going to hit in the morning for sure
I'm not going to lie
I had doubts , yes I did
but it was only because I was scared...
scared of someone actually loving me
I just didn't want that to all go away
I feel nothing right now...is that bad?
But he's the one who left , technically
he didn't say it to me but I read it between the lines of his messages
I know he wanted to...he was afraid to be in the category I have for the boys that are considered like everyone else
Its sad to let go the hand of your other half
and watch him disappear in the past behind you
He questioned my love for him and I did to
But last night was the night I realized that I love him more than I thought I did
I guess you really don't know how much you truly love something until its gone
I also realized how much I took him for granted
While I was taking a shower I just let the memories of us drown me
like the time he kissed all of my insecurities
or when we both celebrated together on how I'm going to get myself together
and the first time he slept over
and the first time....he came over my house because ...I said I was crying
and that was the day....we started
I guess I didn't really understood how much he loved me until I took that gloomy and lonely shower
I never felt alone when I was with him
I felt like thats all I really needed to be honest
But I ******* up my fairy tale once again.
Your probably wondering why am I writing on here when I just got dumped
but its because I don't know how to express my feelings.....and writing is the way I could...writing helped me for most of the parts of my life
But I guess Im writing to say......love your partner as they come and just love.
I also want to be raw with you to show you not every relationship is perfect and this is not the end...
I thought I'd never be happy again
I thought I'd never fall in love again
But one thing I finally realized was that I can

I give myself so many excuses
But its because I am afraid and that's ok
I pointed fingers at everything and everyone
for how life is treating me but..
I didn't even look in the mirror
I am in my own way of love and happiness

Maybe its hard for you to because your in your own way to?
Nothing is impossible
Let love come in
Let Happiness come in
Step to the side
Let Yourself Be Free
Jan 2019 · 326
Me with Me
Not only that I am taking a break from my relationship
but I'm taking a break from the world
just so I can be with me in my own world
to catch up with her
and just
talk
Jan 2019 · 278
Break
I decided to take a break from my relationship
But I am scared for when my break comes to an end
because its either going to end in up
me being alone
me staying in a relationship confused
or me realizing the **** I'm thinking about is stupid and realizing that I do want to be with him
Jan 2019 · 384
missing you
I hate the fact that I can be living my best life
and still you cross my mind time to time
I know its getting worse because its to the point that
everything reminds me of you
Dec 2018 · 383
Love yourself first
"You can't love someone until you love yourself"

Before I thought this statement wasn't true but only because I was in love
and what that relationship made me realize is that this statement is so true.

you can't love someone until you love yourself because if you don't love yourself and get into a relationship you are going to rely on their love and convince yourself that you love yourself to because you love them and they love you. But if they were to leave you are going to fall apart because you relied on them for self love and happiness.
That's why before you get into any relationship you need to know your worth.
Dec 2018 · 599
My worth
Things started to get easier the moment I decided I wasn't going to settle for average.
Dec 2018 · 201
......
Friend: Are you going to be ok?
Me: yeah... hopefully
Friend: It's not like we have a choice
Me: Paused whispers...yeah
Nov 2018 · 259
What love can do
Because of love
I became broken
But because of love
it also fixed me
And because of self love
I grew
Nov 2018 · 200
Untitled
You're a big reason why I hate people
Nov 2018 · 191
I will never be like you
I wish you were the mother I needed

But don't worry

I'm going to be the mother I needed
for my children
Nov 2018 · 175
Untitled
I blossomed
and became more then just a
confused depressed girl in a dysfunctional family
I became me
Nov 2018 · 195
Untitled
Things will get better
but it will get better if you let it
and if you do something about it
I was here through your worse and your best
I was here when you didn't have nobody
I was here for your accomplishments
I was there through it all

You were never here through my worse and my best
you were never there when I didn't have nobody
you were never there for my accomplishments
you were never there through it all

But when I rise best know that you won't be there
so don't try running back
Nov 2018 · 270
Thank you
Thank you for believing in me
Now its my turn to believe in myself
Is this the way you want to die?
Will love to hear yall responses! I asked this question because I want to know if you are satisfied where you are right now ? If no then that means its time to change. Not everyone gets a chance to live. So take an advantage of life. Life is hard trust me but you can do it if you only push through the rain.
Nov 2018 · 193
Time flies by TO fast
Get lost in the moment because that moment wont be here forever.
Man I havent wrote anything in sooo long. Im glad to be back. This is just a short thing I wrote hope you like it ! Also enjoy every moment you come  across because you will only live that moment once.
Oct 2018 · 181
If only they were
My heart breaks every time
I hear your name

I'm trying to convince myself
that things are not how they use to be

But behind my denials are hopes
that there is a chance that things can
be like the old days

if only they were
Oct 2018 · 174
Hate that I miss you
I lost my best friend
and I hate to admit that I miss him
and I know he doesn't miss me
just by the way he looks at me
its not the same anymore
I'm just another stranger in his eyes

**** man..
I miss you
only if you missed me
Sep 2018 · 227
That night
"I stole your heart"
he says while laughing and smiling

I whispered while giving him half a smile
"you didn't still my heart....I gave it to you"

Then we both stood in silence
thinking
Sep 2018 · 239
Accepting and flash backs
As I started putting the stuff he gave to me in a box
I seen the memories we shared flashing before my eyes
Him: Do you love me?

Me: That question doesn't matter right now, the question is do I  love me?
Aug 2018 · 402
To get better
people with mental illness
broken homes
****** up pasts
traumatic experiences
lost souls
or even broken hearts

deep down inside

wants to be saved
wants to be better
wants to feel love
wants everything they are going through
to end

that's why they surround themselves
with people that can relate
because they understand
and its all they know
but by doing that
its like playing
Russian roulette  
you either grow from it
or you stay in the same place

sometimes its hard to surround yourself
with  positive people
but sometimes thats a leap you have to take
out of your comfort zone to get better
Jul 2018 · 501
The view
She made it to the top of the mountain took a deep breath and smiled

Thats when she finally decided to start living the life she deserves
Jul 2018 · 393
He is not in love with me
I'm in love with you.....

NO......your not
You are not in love with me....
Your only in love with the idea of who you want me to be....
And that's not me ....
Jul 2018 · 537
Untitled
Saying sorry will give you forgiveness and a settled situation
But doesn't mean it will heal the wounds you left
Jul 2018 · 1.5k
False love
He asked me " do you want me to stop loving you"?

I replied " you can't stop loving me when you never did
Jul 2018 · 612
I changed and I forgave
Because of you
I lost apart of me
That cannot be given back

But its up to me
To give myself
The forgiveness I deserve
Even with all this air in the world
Its still hard to breathe
Jul 2018 · 270
The power of a mind
I wonder
what is it in our minds
that drives us insane
to the point we would want to die

Whatever is up there
sounds like a disease
that is poisoning our
thoughts, emotions, and feelings
its spreading all over our body quickly

some have it worse then others
and sadly there is no cure for it

In some peoples perceptive
we are consider "sick"
and in others we "relate"

I just want it to stop
my soul is screaming for help
and my body is shaking

Its so crazy how powerful a mind can be
it can control your thoughts
feelings
body

EVERYTHING

its so powerful to the point
it got me holding a gun
to my own head
Jun 2018 · 279
Love
Love

Love is just a word

until someone comes along

and gives it meaning


you are the meaning

of what love truly means
Jun 2018 · 270
Inside Out
You helped
helped me get out of my comfort zone
you came to me
and I let you in
You listened to my story
and I let it out
I took off my mask
You turned me inside out
My boyfriend knows that I am a writer and that I have a passion for poetry so he wanted to write a poem for me and this is what he made.
Jun 2018 · 508
Mindset
I hate that I don't love you completely

I don't want to love you with only  half of my heart

And that's why

I feel like I need to leave

But the words that slipped out of your mouth tonight

Broke me

Because tonight you came here

With the mindset of purposing

while I was here with the mindset of leaving
Jun 2018 · 320
Confused about loving you
I was so confused about loving you
So today was the day I had to let you go
Because sometimes you won't truly know
if you really love someone
until you let them go
My sister gave me the idea for this work because of her experience
Jun 2018 · 203
Confused thoughts
How come every relationship I'm in
You always sneak into my thoughts

I am trying to forget you
But the more I try to forget
the more I think about you


I don't like you
so why are you constantly in my head

My boyfriend is
the last thing I think about
before I fall asleep

But you tend to sneak into my dreams

My boyfriend is
the first thing I think about
when I wake up

But your the one who sneaks into my thoughts
during the day

But why?

Why do I care so much

How come in every relationship I'm in
You're always around the most
May 2018 · 216
Rehab
Love is a drug
But even addicts can get better
May 2018 · 198
That walk
It was hard for me to feel love again
When he left
All my butterflies in my stomach died
But when I met you
All my butterflies revived
And that moment I knew
What love felt like again
May 2018 · 202
Missing who I use to be
I miss who I use to be
I lost her
When I lost you

Every since you left
I was never the same
And I have to say
I wish I can take back everything I did after you left
May 2018 · 231
Untitled
I loved you
when I didn't love myself
Said you loved me
But you only loved yourself

-Layton Greene
May 2018 · 183
10:37pm
Its been almost a year since you been gone
deleted our pictures
erased you from my contacts

But why can't I delete or erase you from my head?

I moved on and found someone new
I am happy
so why?
why do you pop up in my head
time to time
when I least expect it
I don't want to think about you anymore
why do I think about you
when you don't think about me

Sometimes I wish I never met you
I wish that I didn't know your name

Your making my heart go against my head
because my thoughts are hurting my heart
just thinking about the past
just thinking about you
putting my heart through all this pain
but its my fault because
my mind became addicted to you

Feels like I am walking on broken glass

Please get out of my head
run into someone else's thoughts
not mine
I'm trying to fall asleep

But the thought of you keeps me up
May 2018 · 191
What "mother" really means
A "mother" is not only a woman that gives birth to you

A mother is...

someone that supports you
loves you unconditionally
accepts you for who you are
make mistakes
argues with you
wants the best for you
makes sacrifices for her family
and so on

Sadly

that's someone I didn't get
Yes
I have a mother
but only because she gave birth to me
She automatically gets the title
but in my heart she doesn't feels like a mother
especially MY mother
She's only my birth giver

I feel like a stranger in my own home
Even though I have both my parents
it only feels like I live with single parent

Because of her
I cringe when mother day comes around
Because of her
I hate receiving rewards or getting ready for my game
because she is never there for me
Because of her
I keep all my accomplishments to myself
because when I told her about it she didn't care
Because of her
I hate my body and developed symptoms of anorexia  
all because when I was little she constantly told me I was fat
when I really wasn't
Because of her
I'm scared to say emotional speeches
because I watch other people thank their "mom" for being their for them
or turning our the way they did
me
I freeze because I have nobody to thank besides myself
Because of her
I hate myself
I don't feel good enough
for her
Because of her
I don't know what love is and I try to find it in others
Because of her
I want to
die
Because of her
I cried today during my therapy session
because I was explaining to my counselor about my mom
I cried because
I realized how alone I really was
and how I really don't have
what you call a "mother"
She asked me what hurts the most
and I replied
not having a mother

A lot of things are
Because of her
Not everyone is blessed to have two good parents in their lives. I was one of them to be blessed with two parents but feeling like their is only one.Remember to appreciate your mom or dad if you know they deserve it.
May 2018 · 1.4k
I need you
As independent as I am

I thought this would never come out my mouth

And

I can't believe I am saying this
But

I cannot live my life without you.
I need you
May 2018 · 1.1k
Numb
They destroyed me
I never knew why
But why me ?
Its been going on for so long
So I just got use to it
I welcomed myself home
To this destruction

They continued to tear me down
They beat the mindset of deserving it into me
So I thought there was something wrong with me

If they hurt me
]Why shouldn't I hurt myself
If nobody loves me
I shouldn't love myself

The darkness was my home
Throwing up was my sister
Negativity was my brother
Depression were my parents
The blade was my best friend
They were always there for me
People knew they were there for me
because it left its bandages on my body

People usually ask me
"why or did it hurt or what even brought you to that point?"

I just shrug my shoulders and said " I'm numb to pain, I'm numb to hurt. Its all I've ever been use to. When you've been hurt for so long....nothing hurts you"
Apr 2018 · 203
I wish I can go back
I love you so much to the point
I went against my morals for you

I'm sorry to say this but it wasn't
worth it
I wasn't missing out on anything
I shouldn't have let anybody
get in between my
morals and I

Not only that it showed how much I love you
But it showed a lot about myself



I wish I can go back
Apr 2018 · 190
Family
Feels like I'm living with strangers
that don't want to be more then strangers
My home feels like an abandon house
When I come home I feel so alone
even though there's people here
it feels like there's nobody
Mar 2018 · 166
Untitled
I have to sacrifice my nights for you
Because if I dont
theres a chance I wont have any more nights with you again
Mar 2018 · 242
In pieces
I'm sorry that I am the way I am
I'm sorry that you happened to fall in love with me
because now you can't stop
and it makes me feel horrible
because in my eyes
you fell in love with the wrong person
But I certainly didn't
I wish I wasn't a broken soul
I wish I can give you
all of me
but all I can give you is what I have left
I can only give you me
in pieces
the rest was left in the past and stolen by people
that were broken too
and needed to fill in their cracks and holes
I came to you because I knew you can make me whole
because even if I'm not complete
your the only thing that makes me feel like I am
You make me happy
to the point I forgot the feeling
of wanting to die
But a tsunami of feeling crash on me
when you call my name
I can't help to smile
and want to run to you
but at the same time
my heart breaks
because I know I'm not right for you
You deserve someone who
can give you all of them
not like me where
I can only give you me
in pieces


I'm sorry that I am broken
Feb 2018 · 203
The beach
Your favorite place to go was the beach
when the sun set
While we walked on the wet sand
and the waves crashed on our feet
Your favorite thing to do
was to leave our footprints in the sand

But one day everything stopped

We no longer walked on the beach
and left our memories
One day you just lost feelings for me
and left

You found a new place to walk
and that was to out of my life

I can see now
why you loved to go to the beach
and now I can see
why you loved to walk on the wet sand
that's why I don't like to go there anymore
it reminds me of you
not because it was your favorite place
but because your favorite thing to do
was to leave footprints
but I forgot one thing
not only the waves crashed on our feet
but it washed away our tracks
the memories we left behind

And that was what you tried to do to me  
you tried to forget we ever happened
you erased me

That's why I don't like to go to the beach
because the waves reminded me of you
and the footprints reminded me of the love we shared
and it reminded me of
me
Feb 2018 · 226
I want to love myself too
How can you love someone like me
Can you show me how you do it
So we can both be on the same page
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