Dear Baby,

Your daddy doesn't want you,
and I am deeply sorry for how weak of a father you have.
I'm sorry he is so angry,
so scared,
so unwilling.
I'm sorry he won't love you,
but Baby,
he doesn't love me either.

I'm not even sure if I love me anymore.
*You're all I have, please be strong.

little hand's hold
little toes cold
little born soul
at how old?

I'm not one for protests, baby
But I'd fight anyone
who'd say you weren't alive
when I could feel your heart beat within mine.
I'm not one for objection
But I'd challenge anyone
who'd say you couldn't hear
cause we've talked like crazy, though less than a year
And I'm not one to outcry the next
They could try their best
to deny you as a child
but before you first cried out
You'd been a person for awhile
Because I felt you, baby
I felt you smile
and you felt
when my fingers pressed against your wall
and you heard my call
and I called you, Baby

You try and tear me down
but your words don't even matter
All they are is a bunch of jibber jabber
We are the ones who you discarded
That's okay because within me is where this all started
You treat me like I'm dirt
when I'm the one who gave birth
I brought into the world a little human being
all you did was shoot a little ***** up inside of me
I'm making all the sacrifices and
You ain't giving up ****
I have no freedom
You still come and go as you please
I go to work
I make ends meet
I have no life except for the one that we made
You gave that up and I'm the one who stayed
So you want to try and run me down?!
To you I will never bow!
I'm still lying in the bed that we made together  
And I'll be cleaning up the mess from here on after
I've done it all
Our son is okay
And it's all thanks to me
You have no part in this little boys life
Your only purpose is to try and cause pain and strife
You're missing out
I'm here for it all
I get the ****** diapers and pick him up when he falls
I get his first smile and the light in his eyes
all you get is severed ties
I get the bumps and bruises
the giggles and sighs
While you're out getting on your high
I see the adoration and love in his eyes
I'm here wiping away all the tears when he cries
I get his affection and kisses too
And you're getting what's been coming to you
So  you want to issue idle threats
and talk a big game
I know it's all ******* you never follow through
with anything that you say
You think being a parent is a convenience
well maybe you should get a clue
Everything that's being done is all because of you
So go ahead and blame everyone you see
because it's nobodies fault but your very own
that you're not the man you outta be
You think you're angry
well how do you think I feel
I'm the one here on a daily basis having to deal
My life is harder than it ever should of been
I don't even know if I can ever love again
These emotions that within me dwell
are like a broken bone they ache and swell
You think you're a father
Honey, you don't know a thing
You're just a baby daddy
Who doesn't have a name.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden

I wonder if you would’ve had your fathers nose, 

And my eye lashes.
I wonder if being a little happier could’ve kept you around a little longer.

I wonder if you would’ve made sense of things,
like babies are supposed to do

And of course I wonder all of the little things that mothers are supposed to wonder,
like how it would’ve felt to feel your precious kicks,
to hear your heartbeat for the first time and know it was real.
I wonder if you would’ve been a rambunctious little boy
or a boisterous baby girl.
And I wonder if he could’ve bared to hurt you, too.

In some ways
I’m glad you didn’t stick around long enough to find out

In other ways,
I wish I had someone to love more than myself
again

Your bright blue eyes gaze up at me,
and I can tell I'm all you see,
I just can't help but hold you close,
it's my maternal instinct,
I suppose.