"A gentle sigh relieves itself from my lungs; the air escaping my lips echoing thoughts of solemn wishes.

I gaze your hand and think how soft they are in mine; your eyes, I see within and feel every word you share; such lovely shades of green caressed by hues of blue and orange. Every detail of you and your person embraced with purest intent, I revel in all that is bestowed; and behold your concerns with the same conviction. Your pains have become my own.

The stories you share tear my heart asunder; such harrowing misfortune bestowed upon you, I hear it in your tone and sense it from the tears you shed: you deserve so much more.

How such simple nuance can go unheard, unseen, or unspoken; such stifled cause and senseless negligence, how it could ever befall someone of such grace and sheer beauty, I will never comprehend.

You prove to me there is light on the other side; I see you before me no less a person, sharing our sight as one where our eyes meet as equals.

I crave to prove to you your innate value; to be a resolve you can depend upon in any time of need; to give you all you've sought but never felt or heard or seen, even the simplest of notions which should naturally be bestowed upon someone from another who truly cares.

I see you for who you are. I hear what you say. My heart breaks at all the wrongs brought unto you. You honor me with your affection.. I just hope for the privilege, someday, to prove and to show you what it would be like to be embraced by my heart.

Sometimes, romance truly is merely hopeless. Maybe just saying this aloud, scribing my feelings in secret are all ill ever have. Maybe not.

If we never have an opportunity to be more, you've set a stark precedent for all I've ever meant to find..

I think of you often, and always hope you fare well. Your strength and guiding sense of determination inspire me to be a better person. I could only hope that person, someday, may be something you'll want in your life, or even need."

I dream of simple things

If I were, and if wanted to save face
When I go, where do I find a strength to contemplate
All the unknowns that will follow

If I did, and if I wanted to just be safe
Would you keep me in a place you want me in? Or would I irrevocably become the disgrace

"My mind is everywhere right now.. [it] isn't focused on one thing when I have so much going on right now"

I know deeply. I know best, outside of it all. Trust me, it pains me every day.

From the sweet messages to our time together, there is an emptiness I can literally see. In you, between us: I can feel your pain, I can literally feel it, like it's filling my veins. I do truly feel it all.

It's never not on my mind, the struggles you go through.

The pain you feel.. I felt yours, while I still have my own. I embrace you, not knowing how or why, but as if it were the only thing I knew to do; like it was alwasy meant to be, meant for you; to be calm, to give you a place of reprieve.

Even if just for a moment I could give you some sense of peace, or even joy, I could know you will be okay. To see you smile, to hear your laughter, but in spite?.. I know, everything will be okay.

But until that moment, until a time when the dust settles and some sense of normality or goodness can be had without the sense of dread burning down the lines that keep one's bridges safe and secure, I can never be truly satisfied, or content, or even happy, on my own. Not that I would be incapable, but I would not choose to feel that without knowing you do too.

I would not leave you behind, I would not set you aside, I will never ignore you. Because, I've seen your soul; I've touched your aura, I know your kindness, and to watch an angel burn like that instills this rattling pain that resonates through me, entirely. It hurts, more than anything I've known before. It hurts me to know you're struggling; the indecisiveness and foggy mind..

In secret places you still remember, I know it whispers to you softly, all the things you wish you never had to know; and it breaks my heart over and over to know yours could ever be so broken right now, too..

I'm beginning to lose myself. You caught me at the edge of something, I found you mourning your soul out.

All I want is to make it out on the other side, where or whenever that is.  

I'm beginning to lose faith in the rest of everything, and I've been sinking incredibly fast.

You saw me near my deepest point. We were moments away from never knowing anything at all..

I became displaced by the very things I've always needed most: people. I became disillusioned from it, literally. I started to become numb again.

I simply want to find home, I've never had that.

I sent songs that I had hoped could speak for me. I believe music is my last chance to convey anything meaningful, anymore. But, more than ever, even the wonders and visions I used to get when listening; that feeling, it's gone too, and I don't know how much longer it would continue to be anything pleasant, or meaningful to me, or even felt at all.

I'm struggling, caught between the lines of the sky above and the water below as the waves keep grasping at my neck and twisting my body down to the bones like I was designed to slip into that darkness underneath.

Im fighting myself to not become entirely numb and mute. I'm fighting to simply not give up on everything, and everyone, including myself.

I'm fighting to survive, when before it was an idle battle. This is the end of that strife, the last battlefield I'll step on, because I'm tired; my soul is so exhausted and dense with the misery that others wrought from themselves and put into me; I'm sad, ridden with holes as empty as the space between my silhouette and my shadow

I'm staggering here on this empty field looking for any semblance of a visage or sign of who and what is entirely, and only; and utterly on my side; a clear design of something that not only would want to give me hope, but could instill it; because without just that, I know this war is already lost..

It quivers the edge of my lips; my lungs scream, but the words exhale silently and unknown through bated breath; they dance within my mind and slowly creep into the crevasses where you fell, too, within my heart in places I left for you to live in; sharing truths you can't hear yet, making stories we have not lived yet: those words permeate my existence, except within my eyes, as they can only see what truly is.

But that's my secret, my dear..

It's that clear vision that lets me know, those words can only be true.

Even after what seems like ages in a span of time you think you've become okay, it's the littlest nuances that seem to contrive your whole existence from a single face and bring about all the forgotten things you use to do, and say and share with one of the most important people in your life, in a single moment. You think you're fine, and you haven't a means nor a purpose to remember the things that hurt you, so you simply don't.

Then, one day, there they are: someone you thought you'd never see again, all the same someone you never thought would invoke this demonizing sense of regret that just breaks you down into the moment and rattles you to the very bone with antagonizing nostalgia. And the flood of memories return, from every midnight walk to every moment spent talking, smiling and learning from one another. And it begins to make you cringe and hurt inside that what once was is no more, and this friend will never be a friend again.

What a cruel irony to think what were lost in a series of unfortunate events would eventually - and even, once upon a time, you thought to yourself "hopefully" - disappear and mean nothing, only for it all to come back; that daunting whisper in the back of your conscience telling you "you still care" all the while berating the question as to why you do. It may seem and feel complicated, but it's always so simple: they held great value to your life.

The most painful thing to feel in life is to lose someone important to you, permanently. But, those kinds of situations are easy enough to endure, considering their resolve is absolute - you can't do anything about someone passing away. But when it comes to someone who simply had to leave because of merely bad circumstance, nobody teaches you how to cope with that. And it becomes an incessant pain wandering in the desert of the mind struggling, trying to figure out what, if anything, there is for you to do to fix it. The most aching question of all isn't "how do I get past this?" - No.

The most aching of all questions is, how do you convince a shadow to come to life?

I am the conduit
When feelings hit, they strike deep
Like lightning, unfathomable strength More fleeting than the jaded moments
It comes to fade like shallow breaths
But the scars remain
Reminding me of a forever, lost

Misspelled shadows
A creeping psalm of hope
I am the line crossed
I am the light lost
I am the entity that can't be found
Scorned by solemn apathy
I become the withered and unbound

Ransom unjust fate
Just to feel okay by yourself
You are the silence I seek
Courageous and unfettered by longing
My love seethes in empty corridors
Wandering past each frame of mind
Doorways leading to crippled lines

Threads unjust, no beginning or end
This woven featurette is yours to weep
Watch me dance hollowly on screen
Stepping over each piece of glass
Like the ghostly waltz of yesteryear
Find me there, underneath the crown of hate

I am the conduit
I am the fateless misery you strive to hate
Strike me down, fell my cause
Bring me to my knees
Misery seems to be my favorite mistake
The taste of your lips a listless waste