I still remember your hands
I remember how warm they were
Your long flat fingers
The scars that dotted your tan skin
From all the days spent working in the rain
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your eyes
A burning brown
Eyes that glossed over with rainbow oil spills
In the sunlight that reflected off your whole being
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your hair
I remember twisting my fingers through it
Thick and dark
Silky straight
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your lips
I remember them pressing against my back
Soft and full
Dark and smooth
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your voice
I remember many nights where it cooed me to sleep
Deep and comforting
The most familiar thing I knew
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your body
I remember being held and feeling safer than I ever had before
Tall and sturdy
Like a tree
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your words
"I don't love you anymore"
You hated having to spit them off your tongue
And I hated having to force them through my ears.
You hated me
And I still loved you.

If I was a garden
You would've been my compost
Because you were ******
And you stunk
But you still made me grow so strong and tall and beautiful.
I have blossomed into a new woman.

I have learned from this, no matter how much it stinks

I can always tell when I am feeling down
Not because of the grey clouds looming over me
Not because of the weights pressed onto my spine
Not because of the tears welling in my eyes

I can always tell when I am feeling down
Because I push and push
And give birth to the most creative parts of myself
I scratch poetry into paper
I sing until my voice flows out of my throat
I dance until my feet ache and my heart gives out
I scribble charcoal and ink onto the pad
It is the only comforting part of feeling this way;
I know that all I am doing is beautiful,
Even when I don't know if I am the same.

Doesn't it hurt to cut your own strings?
To keep yourself distant?
Isolated?
Detached?

Feelings of vague and cloud and grey
Veil your thoughts
Inner workings

What a shame
I bet your raw emotions are glorious
Radiant
Breathtaking

I wish I could see your
Feelings of bright and sun and gold

I wish I liked you more
When you're sober

The way you bubble over when you're tipsy
Is so enticing
I want to sip off your sweet nothings
That all wash away down the drain by dawn

Sprawled out
Under two different trees
On opposite sides of the city
Connected by hearts
And by cell phones.

Under this tree I fled from
The scolding words of my mother
Telling me you were no good.
I fled not to the tree
But to the promise of your calming words

It was under the maroon leaved tree
Where I spent summer nights with crickets and fireflies by my side
And you in my ear.
How come I did not listen to my mother?

I soon noticed the leaves dying off
Crumbling and tumbling
Just like your interest in me.
I heard the whispered winds and your dwindling spirit
I felt the icy chill
And the bitter bite
On my skin
And in my heart.

It was under this tree
That you told me you did not love me.
That your affections had migrated south
Towards her warm and juicy fruit
That had been tempting towards being ripe for months.
She was a peach
But I am homemade jam.

You cannot survive the harsh freeze without me
But every time I look out at that tree
I am reminded that everything comes to an end
And if you can't survive the cold,
Then I'll just let it be.

Next time it burns
I'll tell it to the tree
To the bark
To the busy beetles under her skin.
She will stay
Steadfast
And listen, like you never did.

My eyes looked up at yours before
Retreating back to the floor
My chin pulled up by your magnetic touch
I sure hope this is just a crush.

Are you coming to me
Or am I coming to you?

You sauntered over and leaned in close.

I could feel the syrup drip from my lips
And I knew you'd sip while you gripped my hips
Eyes gently closed
Noses softly brushed
Mouths slightly parted
Lips quickly touched
Cheeks brightly flushed
This was all too rushed

If we were to do this again
Maybe I would've leaned back in
Maybe you would've gone right in
Maybe we would've savored the taste
Of the syrup that dripped from my lips