Everything around me is gray
People phase in and out
Friends just kinda are there
Your family stands in the background
Like an old, grainy, black and white picture
Rain falls in time with your tears
Who can tell you're even there
Like a ghost you flit in and out of life
A spectator to everything
Participant in nothing
Life just seems...kind of bland

The inspiration you seek
Is already Within you
Be silent and listen

Isn't mystery and excitement what we all want?
It's what I want

I want to laugh till my tummy hurts,
Kiss till I can't feel my lips,
Fight till all we have to do is make love

I want a piece of passion every day,
A piece of love,
And a piece of chocolate

I long for power and loss of power,
Games, but still safety
I long for openness and honesty,
Authenticity and approval,
***, lust and pleasure,
Love, passion and betrayal

I want opposites, yet the same
I want both, and still just one
I want him, but her too
If I'm making any sense, is up to you.

Sharpen your quill and take aim at me, write what you really feel. Reveal to me your truest emotions and show me what you really keep inside. Do not hold back on what you desire, let fly the words I have longed to hear. Show me the truth of your passions, let the poison come from your pen and let your emotions ignite inside of you. So long have you withheld from me that which you truly feel. Give me all of yourself and pierce my heart right through. Free yourself of the things of the past and let your love come through.

I am Jekyll; I am Hyde
The Yin and Yang constantly collide
I follow the light; I live in the dark
My silhouette is never stark

I want everything; I need nothing
Honest as a mirror but constantly bluffing
I am the whole and the hole
I am the wretched beautiful human soul

I find myself forgetting more and more frequently
that the world I have painted on the walls of my cell
is not reality

Death is a boy to me
An ageless boy with brown, curly hair and golden skin
He is an egotistical trickster, three steps ahead of me
Cruel, unfair, unfeeling
And for some reason, intrigued by me and the messy Life I breathe

In my head, I can make deals with him
In my head, he protects me, gives me choices, even as he pulls me closer
In my head, he is beatable
In my head, Death and I are falling in Love

But though it makes Death bearable to think of,
to believe it has characteristics it cannot is dangerous

Death loves me no more than it loves all of us
An embrace at the end of agony
It will not speak to me, it will not listen
It owns my Life and there is no deal I can make to change that

Yet

There is something beautiful about the boy in my head
Death a life of its own
A vision I can't escape
The walls around me painted the endless black of the stars